A Question for Liberal parents...

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I’m using “liberal” here very loosely; my dad is for the most part, a neo-con, and my mother was for the most part, moderately conservative but is more and more now, buying into the beliefs the mainstream media is selling her, though I think she still holds onto some conservative beliefs or sympathies.

I’ve had a bad relationship with my parents for most of my life, (especially with my mother) and thus, the lines of communication between us are very poor. After reverting to the Catholic Faith a few years ago, I tried to avoid bringing up controversial topics with them, mainly because I have a difficulty trying to discuss these issues without getting angry. (A lot, not all, but a lot of the stuff they know about my views, does already come from some outbursts I’ve had.) But I really want to discuss these moral issues with my parents openly and civilly for a number of reasons, including the fact that I don’t feel comfortable with the moral and psychological consequences of not sharing these things with them.

I think it would be helpful to get a better understanding of how they view the situation. So I want ask any and all liberal parents on here, how would you feel if one of your children became a Traditional Catholic, Conservative Christian, or Social Conservative? How would you like discussions with that child to best be approached?

I'm not sure if I fully qualify as liberal, but it would take my kids becoming neo-nazis or joining a cult to upset me in that way.

But I've always seen them as independent beings, belonging to themselves. Keep in mind that, consciously or not, a lot of parents see their kids as extensions of themselves.

If it's any consolation, your situation is not uncommon, which doesn't make it any easier to deal with. You'll probably need to determine how close you can (and want to) be to them without pouring oil over the fire and maybe just not discuss such issues with them - as in also let them know that it's best if you don't.

Why is it that you want to discuss these issues particularly with them? Would you like to try to change their minds or make them see your own point of view? Do you just need to talk to someone about things you're interested in? (Keep in mind that it's possible given the circumstances that they'll always see you openly disagreeing with their values as defiance, disrespect and even a personal insult because a lot of people identify with their values and beliefs).

Do you still live with them? The only way of re-defining boundaries with family is not living and not being financially dependent on them. Even then it's a crapshoot but worth trying.

I used to have my own apartment for I think 2 or 3 years, but stuff happened and I was forced to move back with my parents. I am hoping to find another place this summer, but it's difficult, there aren't that many options where I live. I'm also working on a couple of other projects to live more independently, like traveling to places using my own money.

As to why I want to discuss things with them, I would be lying if I said I didn't want them to change their beliefs, but there are other issues that trouble me as well. I guess one or two of my biggest concerns (these are sort of separate, but sort of intertwined) is the poor connection we have, I didn't have a good connection with my parents growing up. I know Aspergers makes things difficult, but there was very little communication with my parents growing up, and in my teen years, I just got really upset with how much my parents didn't understand and didn't seem to make that much effort to understand me, and I just withdrew even more. When I reverted to the Catholic Faith, there was, and still is, this huge chasm between us, and I have difficulty trying to repair it, and that leads me to my other, intertwined issue, the angry outbursts I've had. As I've mentioned at the beginning of this thread, there were times where I would snap and have an angry outburst, or would try to bring something up, but be too on edge over it to explain it rationally. Because of these angry outburst, coupled with our distance, I struggle with the concern that, my parents don't see my belief in these views as rational, that I didn't embrace these beliefs because they were rationally sound, but for some other motive, and the beliefs themselves are primitive and unenlightened.

I want my parents to, at the very least have a respectful understanding of my views, and come away realizing that my views have a significant philosophy and rationality behind them that should be taken seriously; and not be dismissed as the caricature that leftist want to portray it as.