The appeal of online Incel communities to autistic men

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So admittedly I didn't read the full length of the OP article but I waded about half way in and it was talking about a gentleman from South America who, while he identified as an incel and happened to be on the autistic spectrum, was turned off / repulsed by the anger and misogyny side of the culture - ie. the article was point out that there are plenty of guys like him who don't stack to the stereotype. The article stated that he was 34 and suggested that if he was still single by 40 that he wanted to either take his own life or be chemically castrated.

I think part of what's happening - he's still on a trajectory from his 20's where - per friends, per family, per every Disney movie you were raised with, the way of telling whether you 'made it' or not is whether you have a spouse, 2.2 children, white picket fence, etc.. To some small degree it's grappling with lack of sex and biological panic over fear of termination of both soma and germ (ie. being an evolutionary dead-end) but it's equally taken as a sign of failure. Working through that issue and reorienting to make lemonade out of lemons is not easy and you have to carve through many layers not only of conditioning but your own biological imperative - which isn't going to leave you alone lightly, and on top of that it takes swimming against the current of a society who measures success in such ways and taking a stance on yourself that won't be edified by other people. Sure - you can indeed do it but I don't know if it's in everyone's reach. That last part is why I really think we need to focus on giving permanent singles a healthy or even positive alternative place to be - it's one less place where we're damaging our human resource.

So what about autistic women? Are femcel or extreme feminist communities naturally appealing to us?
Oh I forgot, we don't exist.

No question it may be the hardest thing he and others like him may have to deal with in their lives. I'm not saying people in his position should "just deal with it", "quit whining", "stop thinking about it" or other easy to say but extremely difficult to do platitudes. I don't make light of it or downplay their struggle.

Here's the thing though: There are many many different near-insurmountable struggles certain people have in life. They run the gamut including but not limited to: addiction, trauma, physical and cognitive disability and limitations, socioeconomic challenges, etc. These challenges can prevent a person from reaching certain goals in their lives no matter how hard they try.

My point is that it's wrong to think that the ONLY solution to the problem is achieving said goal and anything different is abject and utter ruinous failure. It just is.

I think what I'm sympathetic to - I had enough internal resource and wasn't kicked hard enough to get that way, or at least when I was kicked hard enough I had that much internal resource to get around that.

A lot of people get kicked beyond repair and probably didn't go into that situation with the resources to handle that. What you're saying works great if the conditions of your life are at least within the pale of sanity or if you're at least able to keep yourself in the pale of sanity through enough personal preparation. Life doesn't always give people that backdrop.

One thing I worry about is that there's a sense out there - in popular opinion - that's the Abrahamic hangover of 'God only gives people what they can handle'. I think we're failing to see a lot of significant hazards, especially in the way of people for whom society has completely failed, while we carry that security blanket around with us.

I understand what you're saying and I think your points are valid that some people are not capable of changing course. I'm sympathetic to people that have such struggles. My hope would be that they seek out professional help before they hurt themselves or hurt anyone else if they're thinking either is their only choice they have.

Instead of showing up late to the party and complaining that you are not being served, why not start a thread of your own?

I'd say don't get me wrong either - it's not incumbent on this thread to change the world or for any of us in it to have the answers, my primary concern is getting the diagnosis right. On one hand there's a way in which a lot of people broadcast problems they themselves are responsible for onto other people and there's also a way in which people will use that dynamic to lump all involved into that category. The former gets to scapegoat others at the expense of others while the later suffers in earnest while those projecting that blame get to leave the mess for someone else.

I posted one of Gorden White (Rune Soup)'s solo shows where he talked about what was crazy-making about American politics (he's an Australian now living in New Zealand) and he mentioned that everyone's pretty much right about some aspect of the problem, on all sides of it, and people are constantly scalping the opposition side for what their side rallies around with respect to what's wrong with their solutions or ideas but equally misses where the other side is right. That's where I think injecting nuance into this topic or any other really hot topic is quite difficult - people want to be able to cut these sorts of things up at the joints and figure out which parties to assign a white hat to and which to assign black ones. It makes me wonder if some change in terminology would be needed to actually peel this sort of thing apart.

If you read earlier posts in the thread,I talked about 90's grrl riot feminism and it's effect on the dating world.If your a millennial and don't remember the early 90's,google Kathleen Hanna.I actually saw Sonic Youth in concert,you know your from gen X if you saw Sonic Youth,you should also google Kim Gordon

I thought it was "riot grrrl", and not "grrrl riot".

If it matters at all, I guess your memory is better than mine is, I think it's grrl riot but could be wrong.

According to Google is riot grrl, I guess I miss remembered.

You also forgot to include Babes In Toyland in your list!
I think you should lead the party in a group rendition of Handsome & Gretel to make up for this shocking oversight

Very funny

Ah, yes, Babes in Toyland. They lived in Minneapolis when I lived there. The singer, Kat, used to frequent the bar in a restaurant where I used to wait tables at the time. She'd always come in alone from what I recall, sit a the bar and drink. She always wore a dress.

And the ones who would be attracted to them are likely toxic.

Back on topic a lot of the male grunge/alt bands of that era were very self-deprecating, the opposite of the classic rock era. I wonder if the some of the roots of incel go back to that era.