Idle hands and applying philosophy

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Personally, I hate sitting still. I have a lot of fidgety excess energy. Sitting still and just reflecting is my least favourite activity. I am introspective, but I like to be active in some way whilst doing so.

Sometimes I wonder if it's normal to dislike visiting my Grandma so much. We get on but I often end up with a bunch of intrusive thoughts whenever I visit. It upsets me when I hear how most of her friends are dead or have lost their memory / sanity in their older years since I'm aware that is an inevitable future if I grow old.

My family is rather openly morbid. It's considered normal to discuss the potential negatives of immortality and how death ensures productivity as casually as the latest film you've seen. Sometimes going between the two topics.

I lie awake with such thoughts when I stay the night whilst at the same time I carry an awareness of the pointlessness of them. Whatever conclusion I make, the reality of everything stays the same and what matters is what I do rather than what I conclude. That's the nature of philosophy. You can shift your perspective as much as you want, but it doesn't change anything. I think about a story I heard about a philosopher that became cynical of the study of philosophy, so he taught at a university about discarding the subject. Don't know his name, or how true the story is, but perhaps someone more educated on the topic knows.

There have been times where I've gotten annoyed at people for trying to talk about philosophy to me. I enjoy hypothetical situations and creative thinking. However, I dislike it when things become too abstract because I start to wonder what the point of the conversation is. I like to solve problems and create things. Losing myself in fantasy and what ifs is a pastime of mine, but some philosophical conversation just seems redundantly pretentious and too directionless to have actual meaning. It becomes too detached from ordinary life. Personally, I prefer to have a take away from such conversations that can lead to an active change in how I live. I enjoy fantasy as a form of entertainment and it can help me to describe feelings that I would otherwise struggle to. Learning about a character can make me realise things about myself and others.

I am more receptive to conversation when I'm on the move. This bundled up energy can make it rather difficult to sit in lectures and lessons for a long time. Admittedly in some of them I've been tempted to just get up, lie down on the floor facing down and scream. That's why I doodle, to stay sane. If someone were to engage me in a conversation about philosophy, I'd rather they do so when I'm doodling or walking around with me (of course, whilst paying attention to my surroundings). This might seem rude, but the lack of activity makes me squirm. It makes me feel like a bunch of insects are crawling down my skin.

"To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them?"
It's not what you are talking about but the philosophic way of Hamlet is just what came in my mind once I did read this. Hope you are able to relax without feeling to lonely.

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I am as I am. Life has to be an adventure!

possibly , it might be the ability of creative thinking and distraction which may perserve the aspie person .. As time passes ........... written from a older aspies female point of veiw.

Whenever I do philosophy, I don't do words.

I do head changings to make expressions (which includes words) meaningful, meaningless, or backwards.

It's really like art as you doddle randomly, you find things through your eyes with a pen or a brush.

Except with thoughts and emotions -- unspoken, unwritten, unseen.
To speak, write or present it are mostly tools only expresses the point.



I myself am done mostly with 'what ifs' of all sorts.
Because I already have a conclusion for what it truly is.
Here's an example of my own:
Don't open it if someone else's morbidity upsets you.

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My mom, hypothetically, suddenly one day dies at her duty as a frontliner quarantine enforcer.

How prepared am I for this?
Several accounts do say there is no such thing, no matter how well informed.

Obviously there are countless thoughts triggered -- emotional reactions -- all sorts of overwhelming things in my head.
But what then after that? Another countless thoughts, another overwhelming choices and processes.
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And then after that, what then? Another countless thoughts concerning myself and my life.
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The trick here, it seems, is to catch this cycle that do catch anyone unawares and see past through the thought itself:
It is only a possibility, and it has not happened.

Yes, I pray this will not be the outcome -- but do I mourn before the funeral?
How dare I assume to predict the future when it's never been set nor perhaps never had be.

Would I rather predict she goes home safe and believe she is strong and careful that had been proven her competency time and time again, than worry some incident that may never be?
What am I exactly trying to avoid by not believing in her competence and favoring odds? Disappointment??
If so, how dare I not be concerned, worried, or care??
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There's another cycle even on a conclusion.
How do I make peace with this? Accept it for what it is; a possibility and one that had not happened.

And even after that conclusion -- mind moves on and plays with this instead; what if it's my sister? What if it's my dad? What if it's me?
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It's the same principle, with the same conclusion.
And the ultimate conclusion is not to simply stop as soon as I make peace with the conclusions for what it is -- basically to mourn before the funeral -- basically from putting myself in a mental loop.
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It is an onion, see? Even catching yourself several times now.
How do you make peace with it?


That's just it. Put a dot in it. Which may be as simple or as harder as it sounds.
Find a way to emotionally coax yourself -- just don't force it.

End this loop of a mental story -- by not feeding it.
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And by not feeding it means the mind hates it.
And while the mind hates it, it goes and jump over the loop over again.
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To me, myself and I: Just end it. Mainly by outthinking yourself if you can figure.

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