"Groomer" is such a gross word omg

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It's basically a slur, at this point. "Groomers." White evangelical types are always clutching their pearls over non-specific "grooming" activities, which, when you press them for more detail it almost always ends up being something racist or homophobic. "Asian groomer gangs", etc.

Usually when you hear a right-winger use that word it's a warning sign that they're about to say something incredibly racist or homophobic. It's always something about drag queens, or Muslims, or this-or-that ethnic minority (notice that it's never straight white evangelical types who get called "groomers" even though p***philia is completely normalized within their communities)

Ugh, "groomer." Honestly I would love it if the whole entire internet could stop using this word. Or maybe have it auto-correct to "gay filipino muslims" since that's usually how that word is meant to be read, lol

I agree, the word "groomer" is way over-used, and all too often as a slur against innocent people.

Besides the other categories of people you mentioned, "groomer" is now a slur against teachers and school counselors who accept a child's gender identity.

I hope the Wrong Planet mods can eventually come up with a better word to replace "grooming" in Inappropriate PMs and Grooming on WrongPlanet, which does address various genuine dangers. I don't have a specific suggestion offhand, however.

Groomer in right-wing circles seems to include people who help affirm queer kids identities while not including adult men who pursue sexual gratification from minor girls.

That teacher who helped a queer kid to feel less insecure about who they were = groomer.

MAP Walsh, Matt Gaetz, Ted Nugent, etc = not groomers.

Unfortunately right-wingers do that a lot, they hijack vernacular with the intention that much of their audience won't know the right-wing definition and will instead understand what they're saying as though they were using those words like regular people.

"Grooming" is a legitimate term that's existed and been in use for decades. As a trans person I 100% understand where the OP is coming from because this word being used that way makes me so mad, but I think coming up with a special, uncommon word to use specifically in a PSA about predatory sexual behaviour on an autism forum is a really bad idea. It's preferable that people, especially developmentally disabled people, could easily Google "grooming" and learn more about it + how to protect themselves. I can put aside any immediate feelings that I have for the word so people can be knowledgable about that danger and exercise personal safety.

As someone who experienced grooming on WP, I think it’s a perfectly acceptable word to describe my lived experience which is good because I don’t think it’s going anywhere. If people have concerns about it, they could peruse the links in the sticky or talk to the Mods about it. As a victim, I say that I was “groomed” because I was.

https://www.anncrafttrust.org/signs-of- ... h-out-for/

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 11 Oct 2023, 6:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think I am also a little touchy because my developmentally disabled dumbass literally got targeted by a pedophile at my job and was literally being groomed. If I didn't know what GROOMING was already I could be dead because he planned to get me in a car with him and take me somewhere. Eek.

^ That’s really scary! Sticking with words we’re familiar with is probably a good idea for that reason among others. Perhaps if victims are uncomfortable with a term, that should be taken into consideration, but none of us were uncomfortable with it in any way, and we felt like it appropriately described our experience.

Yeah. It's legit scary to me when people try to complicate these things, because the only thing that prevented me from 100% getting raped and very likely being "disposed" of (the 40 year old serial convicted pedophile isn't going to just f*****g let me go to go tell and have him go back to prison) was the fact I knew specifically that grooming was a thing and the signs of it. If I didn't I would have not told my aunt and would have let him pressure me into doing it.

"Groomer" seems to be replacing "Socialist" as the Right's favorite dog-whistle hate-word.

"Socialist" seems to have replaced "L*bt**d", which replaced "N****r", which replaced "Queer" (and similar epithets), which replaced "Commie".

I may have the replacement sequence wrong, but the point remains the same: The Right seems to be obsessed over finding new collective labels for all the people they fear/hate.

I see your point here, and I agree that it's an important concern. Any alternative to the word "groomer," or "grooming," in legit contexts, would need to be an already well-known word too.


Perhaps then what we need, instead of a new word, is for legit sources about "grooming" to add some brief disclaimers about the distorted uses of that word, to help avoid confusion.

Again I see your point here.

Would you agree that, instead of a new word, what we need is for the legit sources about "grooming" to add disclaimers rejecting the newer right wing uses of the word?

I don't think disclaimers are necessary because the sticky is already long enough and makes abundantly clear what grooming is in the context of concerning behavior on WP. It's obviously not talking about "the newer right wing uses of the word." We also don't need a disclaimer to highlight that they aren't referring to dog grooming.

In my opinion, disclaimers would just add unnecessary confusion and would draw attention away from the important topic of harmful behavior that's happened on WP.

But this thread is not about the sticky, so this is all a bit off-topic.

You're also not one of the people being slurred by the newer right wing uses of the word, e.g. you're not gay or trans, nor are you a drag queen, nor are you a schoolteacher, as far as I am aware. I would be interested to hear what people in these categories think.

I was a special education teacher until recently. I'm also not 100% straight.

Anyone is free to have an opinion and to respond to threads. As a person who's experienced grooming on WP, I think my opinion matters.

I don't think it's reasonable to flee from regular meanings of words just because someone abuses these words as slurs.
If some crazy anti-medicine freaks start calling all medical experts "murderers", should we stop calling actual murderers that way?
Communication is already hard enough for us. Let's not make it even harder by demanding constant shifts of meanings.

How recently?


During my entire adult life at least, bisexual women have always been far less stigmatized, in mainstream society, than lesbians, gay men, or bisexual men. Gay men and trans people are far more likely to be victims of hate crimes than bisexual cis women, as far as I am aware. Gay men and trans people are also far more likely to be focused on in right wing hate propaganda.

(I'm bisexual myself, and have long felt a moral obligation to speak up on behalf of gay men, whom I've always seen as being in greater danger than myself.)

Back to something you said earlier:


I would hazard a guess that most dog groomers are now calling themselves something else, or will soon do so if they have not changed their terminology already.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 12 Oct 2023, 8:40 am, edited 2 times in total.