The Tomboy Question

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Many of us were raised with black and white views and in conservative households. I certainly was. My family and culture had very rigid views regarding gender. Awareness when it comes to something like this makes change possible.

Political views on gender and sexuality in Russia are extremely conservative by western standards. I imagine there would be a bleed effect for surrounding Eastern European countries, so it's not that surprising that you have the views that you hold.

Hungary's far right would make American Republicans sit up and listen, and that country is geographically not far from you, based on your profile location.

The thing is, it's hard to not notice that these things aren't really locked as solidly together as one might be taught - at least that what I've noticed in my time on earth.

I understand how autism can make change difficult to accept sometimes, although in my experience I've found sometimes when change is (perceived as) rational it can make it easier to accept than the average NT (due to not internalizing the norm). Of course that mechanism is only in play for some issues, we all have issues where we have internalized the norm.

I think you have to internalize the notion that effeminate men fall within the range of 'normal men' even if they're not the most common. Macho meatheads aren't the most common sort of man either, but they also fall within the range of normal.

A lot of people are too complicated to pigeon-hole as 'macho' or 'effeminate' as well. Take Marilyn Manson, he's often kinda both simultaneously. I've noticed that's not entirely uncommon, guys who feel insecure about their masculinity in one way compensate in others, but also that subverting aspects of traditional masculinity can be a way for men to compensate in just the same way as other men might try to double-down on being macho.

My political views on gender are egalitarian. Men and Women are equal and should work together towards a prosperous socialist state. I value the rights of Women only if they want gender equality.

I men both feminine and macho men are all men since their body is male but their personality is different. However, I may be a rather soft guy but I'd never consider myself a "feminine man" cause it doesn't really fit into my type.

Changes will always happen. How you to react to them is your choice.

I think there are four main approaches one could take.

1. Make it your hill to die on. I have taken that approach with the expansion of the definitions of racism and privilege. If you take that approach expect to be increasingly an outlier with the range of consequences that come from that. If the change violates your principles be willing to take the consequences.

2. Disagree with them but go along with them to get along. A version of that is masking.

3. Change your mind and agree with the changes. I have done that with what defines sexism and sexual harassment. For example, I thought there was nothing wrong with complimenting the appearance of females I don't have a personal relationship with, now I understand it is a form of sexual harassment. Rock music lyrics I viewed as a fantasy back in the day I view as encouraging rape and pedophilia today.

4. Admit that you can not mentally or emotionally "get it" but hope the change benefits people. That means admitting that by opining on the subject you will both offend people and make yourself look foolish. That is my approach to the whole "what defines gender" controversy.

I was sort of a tomboy growing up, now I am a straight female who likes dressing a bit girly sometimes. But for a time in the past I thought it was bad to be a girl/woman so I was trying to over compensate becase I didn't want to be a flawed female I wanted to be one of the guys mocking them. So yeah I was a tomboy for a while because I felt awful about being born female...

But turns out I am a woman and I shouldn't be ashamed of it, I don't have to hide in boys clothes, when I want to look pretty. but I wasted so much of my early 20's worrying about that s**t. Turns out it is ok to be born a woman, we are people to...which sometimes parts of the world seem to forget. But god Damit women are people to.

So yeah I basically was a girl misogynist, definatly a 'Im not like other girls'...type because I didn't want to be associated with being a woman but I am one, I have no desire for a sex change I am comfortable being a woman...but I was raised to believe women were lessor so that is why I spent so long trying to be a not like other girls, girl.

LIke I am sorry as a little girl I was more intrested in dirt and the creatures who lived there than pretty drsses and girly crap like that.

That being said zi went to school dances with my leg hair showing, bucause it sucks to shave it off..then you just get prickles. Other girls definitly made fun of me for it.....like calling me 'Harry pot head; this was before I ever even touched weed. they just coudln't even imagine not shaving thier legs. and I was just like I dont care to each their own but I don't like to shave it.

There is no "Tomboy Question" except in the minds of those who question the legitimacy of "Tomboys".

My understanding of the term "tomboy" is as the embodiment of everything about the character Starbuck in Battlestar Galactica.

https://en.battlestarwikiclone.org/wiki/Kara_Thrace

That character was unapologetically heterosexual. If they were to make a reboot, they'd probably code that same character as queer, given our current zeitgeist.

I'm a cross dresser but often mistaken as a tomboy

I'm not really arsed tbh

Good to know that you acknowledge the existence of Tomboys!

But you said that you are a cross-dresser. I don't get it.

They exist.  Girls dressing and acting like boys is a real phenomenon and there is nothing at all wrong with it.

So wake up to the 21st century and get used to it.

My kid is a tomboy, i suppose. She wears her hair short (mainly because she can't tolerate having it brushed or tied up which the school insists on) and mostly wears trousers. She plays with boys at school because she prefers their roughousing and football games to the girls dancing/unicorn type play.

But she doesn't like it when she's mistaken for a boy by people, which is most of the time. I guess that happens less once their bodies start changing.

Yes. I'd feel better off with a tomboy. The idea of a girl with boyish clothing and being understandable of me is fitting. As long as she is like-minded and has a nice natural female body covered with boyish clothing. Nothing gay about it. Tomboys can be real good if properly understood.

Why are you putting it in terms of what would appeal to you? A person’s identity is about them.