If God had Forgotten to Create Aspies ...

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... it is concieveable that humanity might still be living in caves. The following tale will be overly simplistic; take it with a grain of salt. The term "aspie" will be used here as a literary device, in an overbroad, all-encompassing sense without any scientific connotation, for all those humans throughout history for whom "Impossible, (is) was a word found in a fools dictionary" {a paraphrased quote from Napoleon}

A long time ago ...

Zug awakened after a thunderstorm, looked out of his cave, and saw a burning tree; he rushed out, woke everyone up shouting "Hey Hey Hey! It's a Fire Tree Day" (he was a poet, and didn't know it )

Everyone got up and rushed excitedly down to the new "Fire Tree" and circled round it, enjoying the warmth, and socializing. People would say things like "It sure is nice for the Gods to give us these fires to enjoy", all except a quiet chap named "Og", who everyone felt was a "little odd", but harmless. Og was an aspie. He just stared at the fire, lost in thought, until Zug said "Hey, Og, here, have a beer, mate". "Thanks, Zug" said Og. "Whatcha thinkin' about, Og?"

"I was thinking it would make more sense to take some fire home; then we could enjoy it everyday"

There was an immediate outbreak of laughter from all the "normal" folks, and Zug said "Og, you're such a silly guy, don't you know that's impossible? The gods would strike us down if we tried to steal their fire"

But Og just picked up a big, long stick and marched up toward the tree and caught some fire on the end of the stick and said "Look, it's really simple".

At this, the rest of the tribe panicked, and fled screaming back to their caves.

"Come back, come back ... Oh bloody Hell, why can't they understand?"

So Og went back to his cave, built a fireplace and a chimney, gathered some firewood and stoked a nice fire. A couple days later, Zug got up the courage to see if Og was still alive; as soon as he peeked into Og's cave, he shouted "Come quickly everyone, Og's still alive, and you should really see this!"

There was Og, sitting in an easy chair, dressed in a robe and slippers, reading the paper, a nice cheery fire in the fire place, tapestries on the wall and wall-to-wall carpeting on the floor.

"Come on in and set a spell, it's quite comfy in here". They came in, looked about and said "Ooh, neato... Og, please will you show us how to do this?" "Sure, no problem" and he showed them all how to build fireplaces, explained how chimneys created a draft and took the smoke away and how to lay a fire. Pretty soon everyone was living in split level ranch houses with fireplaces, and someone said, "Hey, now we can build a barbie, let's go get some meat!"

The hunters said "Og's a nice guy, but he doesn't get out much; let's invite him to tag along", so off Og went with the hunters. They soon came to a river they had to cross, and told Og to grab a log and jump in with them and paddle across; Og reluctantly did what they asked and jumped in, exclaiming "Bloody Hell, this water's cold!". Upon getting to the other side, as the hunters started walking away, they saw Og just standing there, staring at the log. "Hey Og, come on" but Og said "I'll wait for you here, I'm thinking there's a way to cross without getting wet".

The hunters burst out laughing, and Zug said "Og, you're so silly! Don't you know that's impossible?". The rest of the hunters looked at each other knowingly, and suggested that Zug stay behind and keep an eye on Og. Zug paced around, watching out for animals, occasionally looking at the same log and wondering "it's just a log, I wonder what poor old Og thinks he see's in it that I don't?"

After a while, Og shouted "Eureka!" and picked up a stick, tied a rock to it, and started carving up the log. By the time the hunters had returned, Og had made a boat and a paddle and was having a great time paddling around on the river. "Wow, look at Og! How does he do these things?" and they were happy as clams to get home without having to get soaked, especially as it was getting late and cold. In the past a hunting party had made the fatal mistake of going across the river on a mild but windy day and had all died of a chill from being wet.

The next hunting trip they invited Og again, and it was a windy day. The same thing happened, Og started staring at the boat after he got out; the hunters simply looked at each other and nodded to Zug, and headed out. Zug thought "That boat's perfect; what's he see that I don't?". After a while, Og shouted "Eureka!" and induced Zug to help him tie two sticks together like a cross and stick it upright in the boat. When the hunters returned, they laughed and shouted "Hey Og, are you trying to build a church?" "No, sew up some skins in a square and I'll make the wind blow the boat across." The hunters smiled, trying not to laugh out loud and hurt Og's feelings, and decided to humor him. They sewed up the square, and watched him tie it to the cross.

"Hop aboard everyone" Og said, and they all sat down in the boat, knowing that poor old Og was going to have to paddle the boat. Og pulled on a rope, raised the sail, and they just zoomed across the river going like a bat out of hell! Everyone rushed home yelling "Hey Honey! Pack your bags! Og's invented the sailboat! Now we can cross the ocean and go to London and visit the King!"

A little closer to our time, some weirdo French brothers named Montgolfier decided that if you trapped hot air inside a bag, it could cause you to float up into the sky. Of course all the "normal" people knew this was impossible, so why try? And they all looked knowingly at each other, tapping their foreheads with their index finger. But, a little while later their jaws were dropping, and it wasn't long before the skies over Paris were filled waith Frenchmen in Hot Air Balloons.

In the next century, some crazy aspie decided that you could make ships out of Iron. Of course, all the "normal" folks were ROTFL, "Ships made of Iron! Isn't that the craziest idea you've ever heard of? Everyone knows that iron is too heavy to float". Since it was obviously impossible to make ships of iron, they took bets with the crackpot aspie that his boat would sink the moment it slid down the ways. A few minutes later it was their lower jaws that were sinking, and their pockets were a bit lighter; the aspies pockets? A nice bit heavier, thank you. And it wasn't long before the "normal" people got over their fear of iron ships built by wierdos and started going on pleasure cruises.

Only about a century ago, everyone knew that it was impossible for heavier than air machines to fly; except for some eccentric bicycle mechanics who couldn't comprehend why ordinary people thought that way. All the "normal" folks laughed, knowing those crazy Wright brothers would never get off the ground. But soon they weren't laughing anymore, and it wasn't long before they got over their fear of flying and started flying around the world.

It has always been the people who could see something that "normal" people just couldn't seem to see who have been the thinkers and doers of history; aren't you glad God didn't forget to create you?

I started to read this, but I could feel the IQ points being drawn out of my head and into the computer screen. I had to stop before it was too late and I accepted this Aspie-centric world model.

Did you forget to "take it with a grain of salt"?

This type of fiction makes my head ache.


Robinson Crusoe was my favorite of all novels.

apparently so!!

Either that means we're really crazy, or we just think about science related things on a more deeper level of understanding than the typical person is able or even willing to.

That was a great story, thanks
The people here in the coffee shop were wondering what I was giggling at.

That's was really funny .

Mmm.

headache and sleep inducer.

who needs Vicoden when this will do?

But still.

Nice story.

if the christian god is real I will puke right now

Hello sort30030 and nomnom_hamster, I'm very happy to find someone got a laugh; being as folks like us really do have a sense of humor, it's also likely we have many different senses of humor (we're a versatile lot, aren't we?), so not everyone seems to be laughing (yet!); but, as the old saw goes, "he who laughs last, laughs best"

Liked the story; it made me chuckle. Thanks.

Yes we humans are a diverse lot.

Usually to make people laugh you have to make it obvious that what your material is not serious, and from what you've put forth before it was entirely possible that you were being serious, and unfortunately not everyone laughs at stupid ideas. Also you could try making it coherent and parodying the stupidity of the idea that Aspies are the only ones that are intelligent. Like making a story about Thomas Edison with actual Aspie traits.

Interesting you should mention Edison, I identified strongly with him as a young person. I do wonder if he was aspie, he did develop the idea of the industrial research laboratory, which was responsible for many of "his" inventions. He came up with ideas right an left, and had created the organization to turn them into industrial reality. He came up with an adhesive that industrial spies never cracked (I'll bet it was Epoxy) for gluing diamond stylus on his diamond-disk phonographs.

I use to read everything I could get, and everytime either of the old movies, Spencer Tracy in "Edison the Man" and Mickey Rooney in "Young Tom Edison" I'd just have to watch them.

He had to be an aspie.

My sense of humor is pure "Alpha-Aspie", and I'm not going to drive my self crazy again by trying to be an "Entie" and write down to someone else's lower level; who cannot get my humor, just isn't sophisticated enough yet.

My humor comes straight out of the Supermind, and it comes out the way it comes out!

You and every other Aspie who wants to believe we're the next stage in evolution. I don't care what Edison did, he's a douche and that's all he is, sure he's an inventive douche but he's still a douche.

Why because you saw a couple of movies based on his life? Come on who are you really? Don't tell me your last name is "Freud". Yeah none of those last two sentences sounded arrogant, it's totally normal to claim your somehow better than everyone else, I bet Thomas would be proud of your a****hole ways.

I'm a human being like yourself, who has just got his turn at "the spritual awakening experience," and am like a shook-up champagne bottle that has just been uncorked.

I'm neither more nor less perfect than the next person, and I'm just as likely as the next man to "put his foot in his mouth", as I'm mentally a little like a newly-born baby right now.

Maturity comes with age, and I'm spiritually and philosophically "a smart-ass, young whipper-snapper" at the present moment in Time!

Yours in Truth,
Your Friendly Neighborhood Kshatriya-Brahmin and Household Fixit-man,