"hatred hurts the hater"

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The cliche "hatred hurts the hater", is said a lot. I want to know why hatred hurts the hater. I searched around, and all I got was silly MegaCliche statements, where it was posted as if it was as obvious as "I can't make peoples' heads explode by thought". Ever hear of a thought stopping cliche? Where the cliche only serves to block thought down that alley, and stop people actually thinking 'why'?

I'm sure there is a reason why, but I can't seem to find it.

edit:
compare:
"Entangled by the bonds of hate, he who seeks his own happiness by inflicting pain on others, is never delivered from hatred"

"Entangled by the bonds of love, he who seeks his own happiness by being with others, is never delivered from those bonds"

The reason that hatred hurts the hater is simple:

- Having hateful thoughts produces neurochemicals that cause feelings of discomfort in the person who is hating, and make them feel unhappy and angry, also it is not good for efficient digestion or immune system functioning.

- Also, something I learned the other day and that many people dont know, is that angry, negative thoughts are addicitive, because the neurochemicals that accompany these thoughts have this property.

What I dont know is what to do about this.

dhammapada, vs 3-6 -
"He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me." Those who harbor such thoughts do not still their hatred.
"He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me." Those who do not harbor such thoughts still their hatred.
Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased. This is a law eternal.
There are those who do not realize that one day we all must die. But those who do realize this settle their quarrels.

Hatred is a form of stress. If it is a short term reaction to an extreme situation, it can be adaptive (good). When a person latches on to hate, it will have negative effects on body, mind and soul.

But how should we properly react to rapists and murderers and the like? No one wants to be a victim, and no one should be a victim. Should a victim just tolerate violence towards them?

oh man that sucks for me i guess

No. Individuals and society should protect themselves from murder, rape and other violent crimes as best as possible. Self defence or collective defence is not the same as hate.

You don't have to hate(and I mean passionately, not passively), a murderer, rapist, child molester, to see that their existence is harmful and should be ended, or at least removed.

There are several stages or types of hate imo. Passionate hate. Passive hate. And Past hate.

Passionate hate tends to be externalized, physical and/or verbal. Passive hate tends to be internalized, brooding. And past hate is recognition of what is wrong(the why) and putting aside the feelings, basically moving on.... for now, at least.

One way that hatred can hurt the hater and not the hated is something like this: People aren't comfortable around negativity, anger, explosive or brooding hatred. So the guy you hate(Because of something he did or said or just because), the guy over there that doesn't give a damn about you hating him, the guy that is smiling and laughing and is radiating positivity will attract people, even your friends. While you, brooding in your hatred, radiating negativity, and expressing it every time someone interacts with you, will find yourself lonely and friendless rather quickly or in a confrontation, possibly with someone that cares about you(Trying to get you to stop being so negative). So you're feeling bad, the guy you hate is feeling good, and that pisses you off all the more. Is hating hurting you or helping you?

You can't?

Slap them out of the way, and be done with it.

Ok, I get what you're saying. I put it to you, though, that only unexpressed hatred leads to simmering negativity and friendlessness.

I also put it to you: to express this hatred, through apropriate means (redirection), is far more healthy then this forgiveness lark. The forgiveness is merely repression, and repressing stuff gives you issues, which will affect your life more than safe redirection will.

And, if we're throwing away morality (a good tool for everyone but useless for the bearer), the hater could just victimise the hated giving him self esteem and the illusion of power.

Nope. maybe you should get that seen to, mate. it's not natural to make peoples' heads esplode.

Last edited by bheid on 16 Mar 2008, 6:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

The thing I have the hardest problem understanding is how the people in Tibet were and (for the most part) willing to simply tolerate the Chinese occupation and the brutality and injustice of it. I know it is their religion to forgive and all, but doesn't tolerating injustice also cause and prolong suffering?

Right next door to Tibet there is Afghanistan and they didn't forgive or tolerate the Soviets. Now, I can't say there isn't suffering there, but at least they were able to kick out the occupiers.

You know what I hate? People who hate me because I hate others, or are angry at me for being angry at others. I want to slaughter them,because I know that we all must die some day and I don't want to live my life being bothered by people like that. Life is short.

Of course Not! But sulking in resentment and contempt rather than actively pursuing retribution creates enormous personal stress and in fact just makes one feel even more miserable. Dont get mad, get even!

That is most true, personal experience has confirmed this.
In a nutshell: Dont hate, Retaliate

I find the sentiment heartwarming.