*Anti-Alienation; how do You Reconnect?*

Post Reply New Topic

What do you do that helps you feel connected to the rest of the universe, experience yourself as inextricably, inevitably, and exhilaratingly part of everything rather than disconnected, alienated?

A post by ManErg on the AS-Parent's Support thread about how exercise depresses him got me thinking about how exercise has in fact alienated/disconnected me in the past, as if that sort of use of my body may actually be a separating experience in some strange way. ( and why would this be? it may be because I feel "power over" my body, the rest of world, whatever, or because I feel more aware of my skin, individual motor and nervous systems, etc rather than less, or because that use of my body "distinguishes" me from the rest of the universe ... ... ... some particularly AS thing as a result of proprioceptive system differences?)

Some of the things which help me reconnect/religio are

1) a gluten-and-casein-free diet

2) believing in god; a minute of affirming belief in god will give me a sense of reconnection

3) sitting in direct bright warm sunshine, and smoking the first cigarette of the day

4) examining astrological patterns/cycles/correspondences ( between planets and trends/changes etc in mine and others lives), or contemplating a tarot spread and exploring in what way the images/symbols could be referring to what is going on my life.

5) drawing, painting.

6) reading books which "speak me"; looking at paintings/pictures which express what I can't but what I have felt/experienced/loved seeing; listening to music which seems to hear the way I hear, every sound a potential music, even the tiniest, slowest.

7) sometimes just lieing still in a peaceful room on my own will do

Frequency of use of each approach is variable, and doesn't seem to be under anything that I could call "my" control.

What do you do, and why, and what things alienate/disconnect you?

.

Last edited by ouinon on 14 Aug 2008, 9:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

I was thinking about how for people with "different" proprioceptive systems, ( AS for example ), for whom their body is not a secure, solid, well-defined part of their lives, does not provide the same reliable interface with the rest of the world as it does for the majority, activities which help the majority "reconnect" with life might in fact result in a greater sense of separation, in making us conscious of a boundary which we are not well connected with, pushing us behind a barrier in some way.

For me connection is made by my mind, ( in fact my preferred physical experience is "loss" of/disappearance of physical sensation, when I have little or no sense of having a body ), for example finding correspondences between the movement of planets and my life not only reassures my AS desire for rhythm/structure and serves as a kind of mental preparation for the future, but also helps me experience myself as intricately joined to the universe.

What if the inventions of so many AS in the past, ( which have allowed for/encouraged more and more sedentary activity; transport, machines, electricity, etc), being in a way an expression of AS body/genetic predispositions, have rendered more and more NTs "mad"/unbalanced/destructive from the lack of physical activity on which much of their sense of identity rests. Which lack they have been attempting to compensate for with increased consumption, with more and more noise, social activity, etc, which we, the proprioceptively different, are now suffering from as much as we ever suffered from the need to exert our physical selves in the past when physical labour/sensation/exercise was an essential part of survival.

.

Last edited by ouinon on 14 Aug 2008, 6:53 am, edited 2 times in total.

Although I connect with the world by associating and observing natural objects, plants, animals and, very rarely, other people, I do not in any way feel deprived by my separateness from human culture which seems to me focused on the oddest things like raucous parties, sports, religion, drinking, vandalism, high speed travel, competition, indiscriminate sex, cruelty, domination of other people and animals, and meaningless puzzles. These things hold no interest for me whatsoever and I enjoy being, to a large degree, alone.

This reminds me of another favourite reconnecting activity; looking at and selecting/collecting shells and stones on beaches. The sea creates a wonderful white noise, and the stones are so immensely varied, so virtually infinite to the eye that I get a sense of the vastness and detail of the universe which is very calming.

I think it is possible that NTs like a lot of these things because they are sensorily stimulating. In a world in which movement, their passion and purpose in life, has become almost redundant, they seek out sensation.

Whereas for AS/differently-proprioceptive the search has perhaps always been for absence/reduction of physical sensation, or only the repetition of a narrow range, because physical sensation/stimulation actually alienates rather than connects them, hence why so many religions have had some kind of calming/soothing rituals/ceremonies often in buildings with subdued lighting, and chanting/repetitive style music, monochromatic coloured clothing, ( even bright colours can be so focussed/organised/purposeful in range or combinations that they are calming) , etc.

.

good list. sunshine and reading are big ones for me too. also holding a cat or having some other calm animal touching me.

and YES! excercise makes me feel all fake-y and disconnected too. so does pain, and watching tv. and possibly milk.

when i feel fake i often hit things or people around me to try to snap us into the same reality.

A nice healthy lust. Honestly, there's nothing that makes me feel more alive and more connected then mating with someone I dig. No kidding.

I don't disparage your happiness in a sexual massage but to me sex is more than masturbating with the opposite sex. When I find someone extraordinary enough to not only undress my body with but also take out all my sense of what I and the universe mean to each other and display it openly I am doing something adventurous and dangerous and if it goes wrong it can be extremely upsetting.

Ditto.

.

Well, I'm speaking about that flame that envelops when you first meet someone and you know there's a lot of chemistry there; it makes you jubilant and renews a sense of pleasureable purpose. Maybe it's just a egotistical male thing..?

I understand what you're saying and I don't downgrade it. I'm just careful of what I get into. (No pun intended). It takes a while to really get to know anyone and even then, people change.

Falling in love, sense of purpose and jubilation etc, yes, but also often with a kind of panic and driveness, which I don't find very connecting, except to the other person involved, or perhaps a part of myself projected onto them. And the relationship between such a feeling and sexual desire is complicated, in my experience.

.

True, but I got over the mistrust issue long ago when I realized if someone ever wanted to hurt me I'd get them back triple-fold (I'm like the Incredible Hulk when you tick me off ); I set my boundries and I make them known: to impede on that is dangerous territory and I let them know. Kooties used to be a big factor in my life too, but I broke that habit with some therapy, self-instruction and a stash of condoms.

I agree whole-heartedly too, but that's when you have to do a lot of soul-searching on our own parts, and to realize those boundaries. I will never again let myself fall in love like I used to; I used to get attached, and obsessed! That hurts, you know (when they figure you out to be a mess of a different sort, and they put on those running shoes!!) Now I'm just blantantly honest about it, and if they don't like it, well, least now I'm not hurt.

Unfortunately love is not merely a situation where threats have any meaning or sensible purpose. People are just innocently very different from each other and have very different values, There is no sense in punishing somebody who disappoints you because their values are different. It adds to the cruelty of an unfortunate situation and unnecessarily adds to the suffering.

I did not think of including relationships with people, including sexual activity, in my list because to me, apart from very rare occasions, it has almost always been a disconnecting experience for me from which I "come back to myself" afterwards, so it is interesting that someone does find being with another person connecting.

Connecting with a person doesn't count somehow to me, even if in a sense it could be said to be a connection with a part of the universe. It locates me too much in both the minute and the place with one or more people. However wonderful a time is had ( and I have had glorious moments with different people at various times) it remains a "local" connection, and dependent on another being(s); it's not the same feeling.

.

I agree with you in part, because sometimes I get depressed and think that my trek outside to meet random folk will always result in vain; but this is not always the truth! Just as soon as I made up my mind again about leading the solitary life that I've so far been dealt, I see someone who's smile will result in me believing in that hope that I will find someone someday to have that joyous union with. Even if for the time being if that those thoughts were fleeting, I realized I had the utmost ability to keep enjoying it over, again and again in some sort of reiteration. Sure in retrospect I might end up being another coquettish fag-boy, but I've met a lot of people that I have made my mark on and will always accept me as their friend and valuable confidant.

Sometimes I still amuse myself on the notion and inner reflection that I have still day-after-day been living my life in the guise of how I see other's lives, and trying to match them accordingly. But then I formostly remember my harmony has always been quite mismatched; always will be, and that most of those other people are more misguided then I am and ever will be.
Amor eccam infinitum.