28 Sep 2010, 4:23 am
Thanks for the laugh, Asp-Z, I needed it!
28 Sep 2010, 11:26 am
Sallamandrina wrote:
Thanks for the laugh, Asp-Z, I needed it!
No problem, check this one out, too:
Quote:
QUEEN TO HAVE LUNCH WITH INSANE CRIMINAL
THE Queen will today have soup and sandwiches at her Edinburgh home with an insane German criminal she met off a plane.
Joseph Ratzinger, originally from Munich but now living in Italy, wrote to the Queen last year asking if he could pop in on his way to meeting Susan Boyle in the middle of a park in Glasgow.
Her Majesty agreed to his request despite concerns over his involvement in covering up paedophilia and his quirky belief that being gay is worse than raping a child.
Experts have also stressed that Mr Ratzinger's claim that everything he says is infallible means that instead of swapping gently amusing anecdotes with the Queen and being driven about in a bullet-proof ice cream van, he should really be in a secure, windowless room and injected every half hour with a thunderous dose of temazepam.
Criminal psychologist, Dr Julian Cook, said: "Britain's mental hospitals are full of people like this. Old, confused, fascist perverts who think Jesus has set up camp in their sock drawer.
"If we have any compassion we will try to trap Mr Ratzinger using a large net, or perhaps a hole covered in twigs and leaves, and then give him the 24-hour care he so desperately needs."
Tom Logan, visiting professor of visits at Reading University, said: "The Queen has met some splendidly nasty fruitcakes in recent years. I'm thinking particularly of that rotund Saudi gentleman who thinks women are pack animals and that you should chop someone's hands off if they steal a packet of Toffos.
"But at least that was underpinned by a lovely big arms deal. If only Mr Ratzinger would order a couple of dozen Eurofighters and a class 2 destroyer we could coat this whole mucky business with a nice, hard-headed rationale."
But Mr Ratzinger's arrival was overshadowed last night after one of his best friends described Britain as both a 'third world country' and a society with a frighteningly high number of people who can read and think.
Logan added: "When I heard the phrase 'third world', I didn't think he was being racist or particularly offensive, I just assumed he must have driven on a British motorway.
"So yes, in that sense Britain is like a third world country, the key difference being that thousands of people aren't dying of AIDS every day because some mad old f****r in a pointy hat told them that johnny bags are made by Lucifer."
THE Queen will today have soup and sandwiches at her Edinburgh home with an insane German criminal she met off a plane.
Joseph Ratzinger, originally from Munich but now living in Italy, wrote to the Queen last year asking if he could pop in on his way to meeting Susan Boyle in the middle of a park in Glasgow.
Her Majesty agreed to his request despite concerns over his involvement in covering up paedophilia and his quirky belief that being gay is worse than raping a child.
Experts have also stressed that Mr Ratzinger's claim that everything he says is infallible means that instead of swapping gently amusing anecdotes with the Queen and being driven about in a bullet-proof ice cream van, he should really be in a secure, windowless room and injected every half hour with a thunderous dose of temazepam.
Criminal psychologist, Dr Julian Cook, said: "Britain's mental hospitals are full of people like this. Old, confused, fascist perverts who think Jesus has set up camp in their sock drawer.
"If we have any compassion we will try to trap Mr Ratzinger using a large net, or perhaps a hole covered in twigs and leaves, and then give him the 24-hour care he so desperately needs."
Tom Logan, visiting professor of visits at Reading University, said: "The Queen has met some splendidly nasty fruitcakes in recent years. I'm thinking particularly of that rotund Saudi gentleman who thinks women are pack animals and that you should chop someone's hands off if they steal a packet of Toffos.
"But at least that was underpinned by a lovely big arms deal. If only Mr Ratzinger would order a couple of dozen Eurofighters and a class 2 destroyer we could coat this whole mucky business with a nice, hard-headed rationale."
But Mr Ratzinger's arrival was overshadowed last night after one of his best friends described Britain as both a 'third world country' and a society with a frighteningly high number of people who can read and think.
Logan added: "When I heard the phrase 'third world', I didn't think he was being racist or particularly offensive, I just assumed he must have driven on a British motorway.
"So yes, in that sense Britain is like a third world country, the key difference being that thousands of people aren't dying of AIDS every day because some mad old f****r in a pointy hat told them that johnny bags are made by Lucifer."
29 Sep 2010, 2:29 am
02 Oct 2010, 8:46 am
@ Asp-Z - I bet the Queen is really hard to impress by now! 
02 Oct 2010, 11:16 am
03 Oct 2010, 7:27 pm
Asp-Z wrote:
Quote:
POPE CONGRATULATED ON SIZE OF HIS BALLS
POPE Benedict was congratulated on the sheer heft and girth of his testicles last night after the former Hitler Youth member said atheists were Nazis and accused Richard Dawkins of plotting a new holocaust.
Looking as if he believed every word of it, the Pontiff claimed it was the Nazis' atheism that drove them to kill millions and warned that the smart arse you argue with in the pub about religion will eventually gas you in a camp near Watford.
Ignoring his predecessor Pius XII's indifference to the Final Solution, as well as the countless references to God and 'divine providence' in Mein Kampf and many of Hitler's speeches, the Pope said Professor Dawkins was probably a gayboy as well.
He said: "The Nazis wanted to destroy all religions. That's why they focused on killing Jews. And homosexuals and gypsies and intellectuals and communists and people who didn't like Nazis. Thank Christ I wasn't on that list.
"I would stress that there's absolutely no need for anyone to go looking any of this up in books and such like. The great thing about my infallibility is that it means you have more time to spend on your hobbies."
Tom Logan, who listened to the speech in Edinburgh, said: "Sweet baby Jesus, that man's got the biggest f***ing balls I've ever seen. He must use a pair of specially adapted braces to stop them bumping along the ground.
"Or maybe there's a tiny priest under his dress whose job it is to hold the Pope's massive nuts in a basket."
Meanwhile Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, explained: "Not that it actually makes any difference, but of course Hitler believed in God - he just didn't like organised religion. He wanted his ideology to be supreme just like - oh, I don't know - every Pope since the fictional character of St Peter was invented sometime in the late first century.
"And obviously the holocaust would not have been possible unless the Nazis had been able to tap into the deep-seated Christian anti-semitism that had existed across Europe for centuries. You fat f***ing sack of infallible monkey sh**."
But last night a Vatican spokesman insisted the Pope was 'well aware of Nazi ideology' mainly because he had earned the badge when he was 14.
The spokesman added: "He also had the Kristallnacht badge, the eugenics badge and even got extra credit for being able to draw a very amusing caricature of a predatory Jew."
POPE Benedict was congratulated on the sheer heft and girth of his testicles last night after the former Hitler Youth member said atheists were Nazis and accused Richard Dawkins of plotting a new holocaust.
Looking as if he believed every word of it, the Pontiff claimed it was the Nazis' atheism that drove them to kill millions and warned that the smart arse you argue with in the pub about religion will eventually gas you in a camp near Watford.
Ignoring his predecessor Pius XII's indifference to the Final Solution, as well as the countless references to God and 'divine providence' in Mein Kampf and many of Hitler's speeches, the Pope said Professor Dawkins was probably a gayboy as well.
He said: "The Nazis wanted to destroy all religions. That's why they focused on killing Jews. And homosexuals and gypsies and intellectuals and communists and people who didn't like Nazis. Thank Christ I wasn't on that list.
"I would stress that there's absolutely no need for anyone to go looking any of this up in books and such like. The great thing about my infallibility is that it means you have more time to spend on your hobbies."
Tom Logan, who listened to the speech in Edinburgh, said: "Sweet baby Jesus, that man's got the biggest f***ing balls I've ever seen. He must use a pair of specially adapted braces to stop them bumping along the ground.
"Or maybe there's a tiny priest under his dress whose job it is to hold the Pope's massive nuts in a basket."
Meanwhile Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, explained: "Not that it actually makes any difference, but of course Hitler believed in God - he just didn't like organised religion. He wanted his ideology to be supreme just like - oh, I don't know - every Pope since the fictional character of St Peter was invented sometime in the late first century.
"And obviously the holocaust would not have been possible unless the Nazis had been able to tap into the deep-seated Christian anti-semitism that had existed across Europe for centuries. You fat f***ing sack of infallible monkey sh**."
But last night a Vatican spokesman insisted the Pope was 'well aware of Nazi ideology' mainly because he had earned the badge when he was 14.
The spokesman added: "He also had the Kristallnacht badge, the eugenics badge and even got extra credit for being able to draw a very amusing caricature of a predatory Jew."
From here
OMG!
09 Oct 2010, 1:00 pm
09 Oct 2010, 1:57 pm
jojobean
Veteran
Joined: 12 Aug 2009
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,341
Location: In Georgia sipping a virgin pina' colada while the rest of the world is drunk
09 Oct 2010, 8:44 pm
23 Oct 2010, 5:43 am
24 Oct 2010, 12:58 pm
24 Oct 2010, 1:01 pm
I have a theory about the Pope.
I think that, ages ago, some Neo-Nazis developed a way to do brain transplants but the brain couldn't be fully integrated into the new person's head, meaning they'd have a massive bump and it'd show, so they stored Hitler's brain and were just waiting to put it into someone powerful who's job involved wearing a massive silly hat...
24 Oct 2010, 3:41 pm
Asp-Z wrote:
Quote:
POPE CONGRATULATED ON SIZE OF HIS BALLS
POPE Benedict was congratulated on the sheer heft and girth of his testicles last night after the former Hitler Youth member said atheists were Nazis and accused Richard Dawkins of plotting a new holocaust.
Looking as if he believed every word of it, the Pontiff claimed it was the Nazis' atheism that drove them to kill millions and warned that the smart arse you argue with in the pub about religion will eventually gas you in a camp near Watford.
Ignoring his predecessor Pius XII's indifference to the Final Solution, as well as the countless references to God and 'divine providence' in Mein Kampf and many of Hitler's speeches, the Pope said Professor Dawkins was probably a gayboy as well.
He said: "The Nazis wanted to destroy all religions. That's why they focused on killing Jews. And homosexuals and gypsies and intellectuals and communists and people who didn't like Nazis. Thank Christ I wasn't on that list.
"I would stress that there's absolutely no need for anyone to go looking any of this up in books and such like. The great thing about my infallibility is that it means you have more time to spend on your hobbies."
Tom Logan, who listened to the speech in Edinburgh, said: "Sweet baby Jesus, that man's got the biggest f***ing balls I've ever seen. He must use a pair of specially adapted braces to stop them bumping along the ground.
"Or maybe there's a tiny priest under his dress whose job it is to hold the Pope's massive nuts in a basket."
Meanwhile Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, explained: "Not that it actually makes any difference, but of course Hitler believed in God - he just didn't like organised religion. He wanted his ideology to be supreme just like - oh, I don't know - every Pope since the fictional character of St Peter was invented sometime in the late first century.
"And obviously the holocaust would not have been possible unless the Nazis had been able to tap into the deep-seated Christian anti-semitism that had existed across Europe for centuries. You fat f***ing sack of infallible monkey sh**."
But last night a Vatican spokesman insisted the Pope was 'well aware of Nazi ideology' mainly because he had earned the badge when he was 14.
The spokesman added: "He also had the Kristallnacht badge, the eugenics badge and even got extra credit for being able to draw a very amusing caricature of a predatory Jew."
POPE Benedict was congratulated on the sheer heft and girth of his testicles last night after the former Hitler Youth member said atheists were Nazis and accused Richard Dawkins of plotting a new holocaust.
Looking as if he believed every word of it, the Pontiff claimed it was the Nazis' atheism that drove them to kill millions and warned that the smart arse you argue with in the pub about religion will eventually gas you in a camp near Watford.
Ignoring his predecessor Pius XII's indifference to the Final Solution, as well as the countless references to God and 'divine providence' in Mein Kampf and many of Hitler's speeches, the Pope said Professor Dawkins was probably a gayboy as well.
He said: "The Nazis wanted to destroy all religions. That's why they focused on killing Jews. And homosexuals and gypsies and intellectuals and communists and people who didn't like Nazis. Thank Christ I wasn't on that list.
"I would stress that there's absolutely no need for anyone to go looking any of this up in books and such like. The great thing about my infallibility is that it means you have more time to spend on your hobbies."
Tom Logan, who listened to the speech in Edinburgh, said: "Sweet baby Jesus, that man's got the biggest f***ing balls I've ever seen. He must use a pair of specially adapted braces to stop them bumping along the ground.
"Or maybe there's a tiny priest under his dress whose job it is to hold the Pope's massive nuts in a basket."
Meanwhile Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, explained: "Not that it actually makes any difference, but of course Hitler believed in God - he just didn't like organised religion. He wanted his ideology to be supreme just like - oh, I don't know - every Pope since the fictional character of St Peter was invented sometime in the late first century.
"And obviously the holocaust would not have been possible unless the Nazis had been able to tap into the deep-seated Christian anti-semitism that had existed across Europe for centuries. You fat f***ing sack of infallible monkey sh**."
But last night a Vatican spokesman insisted the Pope was 'well aware of Nazi ideology' mainly because he had earned the badge when he was 14.
The spokesman added: "He also had the Kristallnacht badge, the eugenics badge and even got extra credit for being able to draw a very amusing caricature of a predatory Jew."
From here
Too bad he'll never get to use them.
24 Oct 2010, 3:42 pm
Jono wrote:
Too bad he'll never get to use them.
Papal pwnage!
27 Oct 2010, 8:11 am
27 Oct 2010, 9:29 am
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