after dad publically shames her, girl jumps off overpass

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her gender is totally NOT germane. why are you putting all the blame on the daughter and NONE on the father? if he was a proper father he would have given his daughter ["unstable" or not] the proper upbringing she deserved, and NOT the blatant and public abuse she received. are you telling me that if your parents did something like that to you when you were a kid, you would not have deemed it abusive?

Like my mother coming to my sixth grade class dumping my desk out on the floor and then yelling at me in front of the whole class and teacher?
Granted it was the final 30 minutes of class that day.
My mother cut my hair when I was in first grade in order to save money (we were poor) and I had patchy hair for the next month or two... Does that count as abuse?
Or how about being yell at and chewed out vulgarly in pubic by the adult in charge?
Or how bout my uncle pulling my cousin by the ear to the a private spot to chew him out?
Or how about being chewed out by a parent at a school function as a way of teaching a lesson?
Or even better yet, having a parent spank you in public?
Or having your grandparent punishing you publicly?
Or being so afraid of your son getting in trouble, that you refuse to let him ride the bus to and from Disneyland with his fellow students by pulling him out of line at the school (this happened to my cousin).
Or did you parents ever chaperone a school trip and correct and scold you on the bus in front of your fellow classmates?

This happened to me, my siblings, my cousins, and my fellow classmates (K-12)!

I know what full abuse is and care not to trivialize like it is being done in this thread.
We know nothing of her life outside of the fact she jumped off an overpass, which may or may not be related or a video her dad posted on Youtube of cutting her hair as punishment.

There is nothing in the article that indicates she was abused and/or poorly raised.
Though knowing a teenage girl, she probably gave her dad a handful, causing his reaction.

Some of you live must have lived really sheltered and coddled lives...

I shouldn't have read the story but wondered from what some people wrote if maybe the father hadn't done anything so bad. And at least from what I read it's horrible.

Not the video even, where he is tormenting her about whether whatever she did was worth it, worth losing her beautiful hair for.....Hair he felt entitled to remove as if her body were his possession.

I wondered what she did, whether perhaps he punished her for getting pregnant? Yes, it's only hair, it can grow back, but to be culturally insensitive (and I am on this) what he did was wrong. Children are gifts, and they are people not possessions, and we don't cut off any part of our children's bodies in punishment. Some people think that's ok, I don't and he was wrong. And who knows what else he did to this depressed and anxious child Who he apparently believed was his possession. He turned her into an object he was entitled to punish, take from, humiliate and demean as he pleases. He taunts her about what she did in the video.

People can always convince themselves they are right when they hurt others, that's why so many of us have been through people deciding they needed and were entitled to torment us, assault us, injure us, tell everyone to stay away from us because we were different? He made her into an object, this man responsible for her well being, and it killed her.

I am not pleased you had to go through all that, but it needs to be said that, except for the patchy haircut and disneyland, IT WAS ALL ABUSE! what part of public humiliation of a child do you not see as abusive? do you not hate to be humiliated? if humiliation is not good for you then, why should it be good for anybody else, especially a child? It needs to be repeated, that this form of public humiliation IS ABUSE. just because it was the way things used to be done does not make it right forevermore, IOW as human beings we eventually evolve into something better.

Yup all that sounds abusive. If you were treated like that at schools around here, the teachers and principals would suggest to your parents they seek counseling.

It wasn't unusual in elementary school and junior high to have a parent to come by let in to their kid.
It wasn't unusual to have the teacher to yell at you in front of the class even in High School.
The most famous in school suspension punishment was making you walk track the full school day as punishment.
We also had morning detention in High School at began at 6:00am
Hell I was yelled at in front of my first college math class by the professor because I had my head down on the desk because my neck was sore. I was still taking notes, but she thought I was sleeping.

My mother only cut my hair in first grade because she didn't have the money to take me to the barber for a proper haircut. She did a horrible job, but I got over it.

Also that wasn't me who was barred from riding the bus to Disney World (it accidentally jumbled it with Disneyland).
My parents wouldn't give me the money to go on out of city trips.

I take it none of you were ever spanked with a leather belt against your bare ass?
I also had my mouth washed out with dial soap so many times, I cannot stand the smell of that soap.

It must be nice being a kid living with someone who won't dare punish you for acting out, because they find punishment to be a form of abuse.

All parents are fully legally responsible for everything their kids do until they turn 18 years of age and graduate high school.
If your kid acts out, you the parent will be held accountable under the law and can receive jail time yourself.

Do you guys find it abusive to make babies and toddlers wear diapers and not letting them go anywhere?
This is an actual parenting movement, who literally lets their kids go anywhere and everywhere, refusing to put their babies and toddlers in diapers because they think it is abusive.

I hope your mellows don't harsh anytime soon.

People tend to want others to share their experience of life so as to validate it. I think this is why abusers abuse - to justify their own suffering.
There are as many realities as there are people. It's your choice what you want to make of yours.

I wouldn't say all the things in your list are abuse...my parents spanked me, but they didn't make a show of it out in public, not sure I think that does much good but I wouldn't say it was really 'abuse'. Posting it on you-tube regardless of what you call it hardly seems like the right thing to do in any circumstance. Once my mom cut my sisters bangs because she kept them in her face all the time...but she didn't film a video and make it public, though that's different than a whole head of hair. Also cutting hair for a reason aside from punishment is different, not to mention I doubt your mom posted a video of her cutting off your hair all the while having a go at you for everyone to see is it?

We were too poor in 1991 to own a video camera.
Though I had to go to school the next day and suffered with it for a month at the very least.

If YouTube and social media existed when I was a kid, I can guarantee you that my mother would have used as would have most of the parents of my classmates.
It would have been another tool in the tool box.
Hell it was quite common on to hear parents yelling at their children from the front porch, because the children did something wrong.

Well if these punishments were so productive why did you have to get punished so often? Seems like if they were truly effective, you would of only needed one and that'd be it, right? Explain to me why someone had to wash your mouth with Dial soap over and over if that particular punishment is an effective one? It's not logical. Once would be enough. Obviously it doesn't work.

I never got hit with a belt but I did get spanked with boards and hands and it just enraged me. I wanted to literally kill after I got spanked not that I am proud of that fact, just being honest. Nothing made me want to act out more than that, or getting slapped. It just made me more determined to be a brat. I would want to shred clothing or tear up furniture afterwards. Hitting was definitely not the answer for me.

What I craved was a lot of attention like all kids and I tended misbehave out of boredom when I was ignored for too long. What my mom expected me to do was tell stories to myself and draw the entire time I was home and awake, then promptly go to bed at something like ten at night and I could draw and narrate for quite a while but yes, eventually I would get bored and into stuff and it would infuriate her and she would want to hit, hit, hit. I had ADHD so I had tons of energy. What I would have benefited from big time was skating lessons but instead I got taken to the skating rink something like once a week, sometimes less, where I was really good at regular skating but never learned fancy moves or backwards skating. I would have gotten good at all of it with lessons. I liked skating because it used a lot of my excess energy and it didn't cause my side to ache like running or swimming always did although I liked to swim, too, just would get a cramp if I swam too much so I splashed around a lot. I also liked to ride my bike but the wind was so fierce most of the time, it was very difficult to pedal it more than one direction.

My biggest faults were talking back, breaking stuff/handling what I wasn't supposed to, and not wanting to go to bed at bedtime. I was really bad about smartin' off and talking back. I always had a smart ass thing to say but I was surrounded by sarcastic, bitter people who were always setting that example in front of me so what could they expect? It was okay for them to be wise guys but not me? I was sensitive to hypocrisies and double standards but calling attention to them was another thing that got me in trouble because I was being a "smart alec."

I can say for sure I definitely was not coddled which is why I advocate for more nurturing.

Teachers around here yell at kids but parents are supposed to be calm and rational at all times and only show up at school when the teacher is exasperated. Parents are expected to sit in class with their kids when they get too out of hand, not yell at them, just sit there and sorta baby sit them.

Last edited by ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo on 08 Jun 2015, 11:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

IMHO, the mentality that says it's not only ok but laudible to bully and humiliate children in public, is the very same mentality that says it is ok to bully and humiliate adult employees in public as well. and we wonder why people go postal.

Yes but did you're parent rub in this hair cut, or degrade you while giving it...or try to shame you with it? And yes I bet the parents may have used social media had it existed, I just doubt the main purpose would have been to publicly shame their children in front of a bunch of strangers on the internet as well as anyone who might know said kids. If you feel that would have been a major use of it than perhaps you come from a pretty f***d up place...if you think humiliating their kids to post it online would have been a common way to deal with misbehavior Also some parent yelling at their kids who screwed up on the front porch isn't the same as putting up a video of it. Though what was this punishment for anyways?

The whole entire human-species is an absolute disgrace.
Exterminate the humans & replace them with... a bunch of elves or something.
Ahem, I mean, this is what happens when the country is allowed to become a Police-State.
Tacoma is considered somewhat of the Ghetto part of Washington (full of shady people).

I should know since I used to live/work all over Washington. Make sure to stay out of Lynnwood. The whole damn city has become a f*****g police-state. You cannot move about that "city" for even two minutes without at least six patrol-cars doing their pig-runs. Its courts are jam-packed on a daily basis for extortion-based "driving" charges.

Tacoma is divided [literally] into two major parts- northwest and southeast. division avenue divides north/south, Bridgeport divides working-class east-upper middle/upper class west. most of the money [generally old money] lives on the north side [way north] of division, and east of Bridgeport along the water. most of the bad news comes from the southeast part. what used to be the southwest portion has become the city of Lakewood, which has its own bifurcation, with the money living close to the water. when you see "Cops" on the boob toob and you hear "Lakewood Washington" you are seeing the eastern part of Lakewood.

Apparently it wasn't the father who posted it online, it leaked online somehow. He only shot it to show her to remind her.

He had no right to cut her hair to begin with, at her age, and he certainly should know better than to shoot a video. How old is this man? He should act his age, not his shoe size!
Just a parent making really bad choices.