Keep your son away from ours - Autism Related

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Joined: 26 Apr 2016
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07 Jan 2018, 10:56 am

cyberdad wrote:

Welcome to the real world

There's a reason Mother's groups are competitive where "mommies" judge other people's kid's suitability to be friends

You don't have to have to have a child with hand flapping or severe disability - I know for a fact that mothers in my daughter's mainstream school instruct their kids to avoid my daughter in class on the basis of her (perceived) odd behavior. The proof of the pudding is she has never been invited to one child's birthday party in the 7 years of primary school.

But wait! there's more - parents of three different girls with Aspergers in my daughter's class over her 7 years held birthday parties for their daughters where NT kids were invited but even they too chose to not invite my daughter. I even know and talk to these parents at school!!

Parents are always concerned about their own kids and obviously don't want them being ostracized for fraternizing with the "outcastes". it's a tough competitive world and there really isn't anything you can do about social ostracism based on disability. You can't force friendship...

I never got invited to parties either when I was a kid. If I did get invited, I went and was never invited again. My mom tried to get me together with two autistic girls that were daughters of people she knew from the middle school she volunteered at. The girls were from prominent families in town and their moms only wanted them around other people from prominent families. I see how kids act when their parents are around and when they are not around. Kids will play with and acknowledge kids that their parents don't like when their parents aren't around. There were kids I played with at school, but I never got invited their houses after school. I tried to invite other kids to my house, but they were never allowed to come to my house. Most of the kids in my neighborhood weren't allowed at my house. I always had to go their houses if I wanted to play with them.

League_Girl
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07 Jan 2018, 12:27 pm

I was rejected from lot of peoples houses as well and parents didn't want their kids playing with me. I knew one mom who wouldn't let her kid come to my house but I think some parents just don't want their kids at other peoples houses without knowing the parents.

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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.

ladyelaine
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07 Jan 2018, 1:04 pm

League_Girl wrote:

They can get to know the other kids' parents. Most of the time they don't want to make the effort to do that.

ASPartOfMe
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07 Jan 2018, 1:34 pm

This type of thing has been going on forever and will probably continue to do so. That does not mean it is acceptable or that the problem can not be lessened.

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“Self Acceptance is a process not a performance”
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Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity.

League_Girl
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07 Jan 2018, 1:34 pm

ladyelaine wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

They can get to know the other kids' parents. Most of the time they don't want to make the effort to do that.

I wish I could do this and could make myself pry in other peoples lives and be annoying and then explain I am just trying to know other parents. :lol:

I know your post was directed at NTs who don't have anxiety or any social issues.

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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.

ladyelaine
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07 Jan 2018, 1:43 pm

League_Girl wrote:

ladyelaine wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

They can get to know the other kids' parents. Most of the time they don't want to make the effort to do that.

I wish I could do this and could make myself pry in other peoples lives and be annoying and then explain I am just trying to know other parents. :lol:

I know your post was directed at NTs who don't have anxiety or any social issues.

I get tired of hearing the same NTs say how they don't know me and my parents that well. My sister's friend's parents used that excuse for several years when they wouldn't let their daughter give my sister a ride home from the bowling alley whenever they hung out there. That excuse might work the first time, but after a while it becomes flimsy and ridiculous.

cyberdad
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07 Jan 2018, 4:19 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:

That does not mean it is acceptable or that the problem can not be lessened.

One of the reasons I have become more sensitive to minority group concerns in our society is they share similar obstacles to getting integrated in our social fabric. But a comparison will show that all things being equal (having a good job, home, social status) that people with disability always get left behind.

I know there are NT kids who volunteer to work with the disabled but they are in a small minority. Social climbing is encouraged in our society and while people know its not acceptable to discriminate against somebody with autism but they can make up excuses easily about my child i.e. she hits people, will occasionally scream from sensory issues. People have enough on their plate (I accept that) so they feel justified avoiding problem kids in school. Well I guess that's a good line to use when St Peter asks them why at the gates of heaven :roll:

cyberdad
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07 Jan 2018, 4:24 pm

ladyelaine wrote:

I see how kids act when their parents are around and when they are not around. Kids will play with and acknowledge kids that their parents don't like when their parents aren't around.

Yes that's right. Kids tend to absorb social norms from their parents and close family. All the inter generational prejudice against disability are absorbed. To some extent it's also fear of the unknown. When I was a kid there were 2-3 kids with a intellectual disability in our class. I remember being neutral (even though I never felt any prejudice) and never tried to engage with them other than smile occasionally. At least my parents were never prejudiced as my mom worked in the disability sector so I was lucky in that way.

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10 Jan 2018, 7:44 pm

That's disheartening to say the least, as I,myself had few friends when I was in for hardly anyone wanted to associate themselves with me at that age.Autism is not something to run away from or quarantine your children from others for.I did the hand flapping at least, something similar to it but, I never had anyone else distance themselves from, as I don't remember if that happened.

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