after dad publically shames her, girl jumps off overpass

Post Reply New Topic

The thing with suicide is that it's not really possible to know what triggered it, and attempting to assign blame is an exercise in futile judgment.

I suppose you're right, no way to know for sure that this man's behavior was the trigger for this 13 year old child to jump to her death......which does nothing to mitigate the ugliness of what he did to her. Hair is associated with attractiveness and femininity. This man took his child's attractiveness and femininity away because in his eyes she had "messed up" and he was insistent she acknowledge that. While I've no way to know for sure what action he was punishing her for, I suspect given the meaning of his action, that he was punishing her for something with a boy....by removing her ability (in his mind) to attract boys and leaving the torture of a bit of hair on her head. A parent has a right and responsibility to supervise their child. He could have grounded her, arranged to supervise her or have someone else do so, or acknowledged his inability to control her and asked the authorities for help. He could have turned to a teacher, doctor, counselor or support group. Instead he cut off her hair to make her asexual and unattractive, mocked her in the video for whatever she did, blaming her by telling her she's lost all her beautiful hair for messing up. I'm sure he felt he was right, he likely was doing his best. He sickens me.

the people who unconditionally defend the father are the ones who sicken me.

What makes that bother you more? My father believed in me, that allowed me to survive....if this man had been my father I'd have not had the will to survive.....she wasn't on the spectrum and of course her life was different than mine, but that video just horrified me. Though I don't understand defending the man.....it's hard to call him a father, you know? I can understand the urge to force my children into doing what I think right, just, isn't that something one should recognize and not act destructively? He doesn't seem to have known how to stop himself, and I do believe that he killed her with actions.

I know he thought he was right.....he was tormenting her in the video, though. I guess I'm kind of hoping the people defending, maybe they didn't read the articles or watch the video and maybe that makes it more real? Because you're right, to actually watch it and read and still defend.....aggghh!! !

I wonder what people would be saying if she was on the spectrum, not thinking there'd be many defending him. She was a person, if it wouldn't be ok to do that to an autistic child it's not ok to do to any child.

Last edited by Waterfalls on 09 Jun 2015, 7:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

the people who defend the father fail to understand what constitutes abuse of another human being. giving her that hackjob haircut was bad enough but to publicize it just multiplies the wrong. and then to hide the evidence of said abuse is totally beyond the pale. and for people to say there is nothing wrong with any of that, why that kind of evil is just beyond words to describe.

As I am a parent, I feel compelled to speak out. I would NEVER, EVER, humiliate my daughter in public, because I know that sort of abuse leads to lifetime scars. I know of what I speak of, because both my mother and father had treated me badly in public, and I will doubtlessly carry those memories, and the anger accompanying them to my grave. Neither my mother or father were the same caliber of parents my wife and I are. And had this young lady lived to have a child of her own, I like to think she'd have been a better parent than her father.

You're saying some people don't understand abuse when they see it....i know that's true I have trouble understanding this, though. He hurt his child and he wanted to degrade and make his child feel degraded, and he wanted apparently to be able to remind her he had that power forever.....???

I can't help but think he viewed her as mere property that he had responsibility over.

Well, I really don't get what all the hoop-la, is about----my mother did WAAAAAY worse to ME, in public, and *I* never jumped-off an overpass----AND, when my mother did stuff to me, in public, I had to SEE everybody SEEING ME! She was alone, when her father cut her hair----she didn't have TENS of people around her, like I did----AND, when it was posted, she didn't know who, all, was watching it----not, like *I* did----being able to see all of the faces looking at me, thinking what a horrible kid I was, that my mother had to SMACK me into shape----or, at least that's what a little child's mind, thought.....

The article CLEARLY states: (copied and pasted----the BOLD is THEIRS)

I'm with xenocity, on this, in that there's absolutely nothing in the article that says the father had always been abusive----AND, the article says that the FAMILY is not even sure if the video is what made her kill herself.

One thing I AM curious about..... The article says the girl exited a car----a 13 y.o. is TOO YOUNG to drive a car!! Where was the person who, presumably, drove her----why didn't they stop her? Did she just exit the car, and run full-speed, for the edge, and jump-off? I'm thinking she had to climb-up on something, to position herself, to jump----again, why didn't the person who drove her, STOP her?

Again, I agree with xenocity, in that there are just too many unanswered questions, to go all "crazy", over this.....

As I said in a different thread a few years ago, in some of the more primitive and evangelical Christian circles, they truly believe that in order to discipline a child, you must break their spirit, much in the same way you would break a horse. So what, if the child commits suicide? Their opinion is, until the child is broken completely, and totally submits to their parent's will, and the will of JHWH, the child doesn't deserve anything, let alone live. It's one of the reasons I never married. I can be an extremely cruel S.O.B.

Well, the kid's father convinced her to kill herself. Way to go, who's the shameful one now? Jumping off an overpass may not have been a smart move, but when you consider that young teens tend to be extremely self-conscious and have poor impulse control, I can see why this girl did what she did. Her father smeared her reputation, and she couldn't bear the shame of it.

The article is very unclear to me.

The parent is acting abusively in the video IMO even if the he did not himself upload the video (just in those 7 seconds alone I consider that verbal abuse).

But why is he videoing it in the first place? I can't think of any reason other than to post it online which of course makes it even more abusive. And obviously cutting the hair is a rather foolish way of trying to discipline.

All in all, this is rather bad parenting. Best case scenario, terrible parenting. Worst case scenario, abusive jerk.

Yep, that's exactly how my people think, and I feel I'm a better person, for it. I think people SHOULD discipline their kids----but, people disagree as to what "discipline", IS. It's a "culture"----one doesn't have to ABUSE a child, to discipline it----but, people who don't understand the culture, see it as being wrong!

I got abused, TOO----but, I don't feel it was when my mother slapped me upside the head, to get me to quit doing something wrong!

As for "But why is he videoing it in the first place?": It says, right in the article, that he wanted her to have the video, so she could remember what she did wrong----which brings me, to ANOTHER point.....

The person who DID post the video said they did so, because they thought it would HELP!! WHAT?? How, on EARTH, did they think it was going to help her, to be humiliated, to the ENTIRE WORLD?!?!? THAT'S the person, IMO, who should be getting all the flack----what the father did, was IN PRIVATE!!

My guess is, the person who posted it, was another KID; and, they thought if everybody saw how the father messed-up her hair, everybody would feel SORRY, for her. Well, everybody IS feeling sorry for her----but, unfortunately, she's dead now----so, just exactly how much help, was it?

Did you accidentally write "it"? I don't understand referring to a child as "it".

Campin_Cat wrote:

----but, people who don't understand the culture, see it as being wrong!

thats very true, but it's also true that sometimes people disagree with a culture's beliefs and with how things are done in that culture.

Campin_Cat wrote:

I got abused, TOO----but, I don't feel it was when my mother slapped me upside the head, to get me to quit doing something wrong!

I'm sorry you were abused.

Campin_Cat wrote:

An article I saw said that a friend had posted the video after the girl jumped with the implication the friend was angry and, rather understandably, was blaming the father, perhaps wanting everyone to see what he did, though that was not said. But at least from what I read, the friend did not post it until the girl was In the hospital dying and unlikely to see the video.

Do you feel ok about the man taking the video so she could remember what she did wrong, since he had a reason?

It was a horrible, horrible parenting decision. Why would he do something so awful? It may be because he thought it would simply cause her to never do X again. There is precedent.

upbeat, positive article about what a great idea it is to cut your kids hair humiliatingly as discipline

That Washington Post article all but gives 2 thumbs up to humiliating haircuts as discipline. With that concept floating around for parents, it's not surprising this happened. Maybe this will be the wake up call other parents need about why this is a terrible thing to do and not some sort of charming last resort, as the Washington Post sells it.

If you ever experienced anxiety or depression, you would know, something like this can have a huge impact on your conditions. It's not like it is for normal, thick skinned persons. I liken it to having diabetes only it's conditions that affect the mind more than the body. With diabetes, you cannot eat certain things and must eat in moderation. Sometimes, you take medication to help control it. Same with anxiety and depression except it isn't food that's the problem. Other people's behavior and actions become the same as food to your disorders so you are more affected by what people do to hurt you than someone without anxiety or depression and it can push you over the edge. I have the same disorders, anxiety and depression, and I can't deal with certain behaviors from others, like insults and humiliations so I have to distance myself from such behaviors to keep my mental balance and guard against people who might exploit my disorders by engaging in such behaviors as this. Unfortunately, this girl didn't have those options otherwise she might still be here.