after dad publically shames her, girl jumps off overpass

Post Reply New Topic

When I see lot of parents approving of something, it makes me wonder if it's an okay thing to do after all.

I don't agree this is ok. I hope you don't either.

When I think about how many WrongPlanet members write about the torment that they endured growing up, it is impossible to understand how it would be ok this man wanted to humiliate this child. She is no worse than we are, she apparently sent an inappropriate picture, but everyone, not just on the spectrum, has at some point offended someone else with what they perceived as inappropriate behavior. For those of us in the spectrum, behavior others see as inappropriate was probably pretty common, even those like myself who were generally quiet well behaved children could fall apart and behave inappropriately.

I don't think we can have it both ways. If I want to be allowed dignity despite some social errors, I feel need to try to be tolerant and accepting of others.

And as a parent I feel I have an obligation to love my children but also to teach my children to respect themselves and others. Respect is taught by what we do not just the instructions we give, and although there are those of us who may not have grown up always being treated well who gained something from that, look at all the suicidality of our members, often related to feeling hopeless and humiliated. We tell those members to hold on, that they do matter, that they have value but that's hard to believe when you are told you don't by the people responsible for protecting you, by a parent growing up. And getting over being bullied and ostracized by peers, well, I don't believe I ever will. I can get over the attacks, they never seemed much, but the bullying and ostracizing....I don't know how. I believe part of that is, kids are just kids, and when the adults encourage bullying and tormenting children, even initiating it, and the kids follow, the kids don't know where to stop, and they may not.

The story mentioned an inappropriate picture the girl was responsible for, and that she was being bullied, so it appears that the man felt he should add to what she was going through around the picture and any bullying at school related to what she did by trying to make her look worse to others in her world.

It's unimaginable to me how a parent knowing his child was being bullied for something chose instead of supporting her, or supervising her more closely, to do something to try to get her further a target of humiliation. And apparently she was known to be anxious and depressed.

So no, this is not an ok thing to do.

It's not ok but League Girl did give a good example of how something so seemingly unimaginable could have happened. If lots of other parents do a specific thing (and this public shaming seems common these days) and the result is that their kids behave, that's how a parent can think it's a good idea. The fallout here was horrific. But other parents have done the same (per the Washington Post article I linked) and they get nothing but "yay parent" kudos and- seemingly- a good who never does X again.

In 20/20 hindsight it's the worst parenting decision he ever made and now he will both be aggrieved (since I have no reason to assume he wanted her dead and this was an unintended consequence) and publicly shamed himself. But how could he have ever thought this was a good idea? There are real reasons why he could have thought this was a good idea.

When you keep on hearing about parents doing something you believe is abuse or wrong and hearing about how well it works with kids and how much they appreciated them for it afterwards and how they seem to turn out fine, you start to question your opinion on it thinking yours is out of line and you're wrong and over reacting. Then you start to wonder, "mmmm maybe it's not abuse and it's actually good parenting." Which is why I am on the fence about it.

Maybe the father did it because he got drawn to it too and now he has to regret it and live it for the rest of his life because there will be no grand babies from her and he will never see her again. It's unclear rather the video drove her to it.

If the girl had been autistic I don't believe people here would find the man's behavior acceptable. Perhaps I read more of the story than most, because the video horrified me, the information available digging for more just made it more awful. She was a human being, nothing could justify the man's actions, and there are always options in this type of situation.

He wanted to murder her soul for a mistake she made and she obliged by killing herself. Whether he actually intended her physical death is irrelevant to me, because he wanted to destroy the part of her he felt was bad....he wanted to destroy her, and he did.

It's not the video that's shaming or destructive; it's the fact her father assaulted her with the haircut and videoed himself doing it to hurt her....it's that she knew he wanted that part of her dead. People are fragile, kids are fragile, and you cannot want a part of your child dead without the child potentially understanding it as mom/dad wants me dead. So yes, some people get through it fine and are great people, some people routinely drive drunk without injury or getting caught.....Some people play Russian roulette and like it; doesn't make these things ok.

Did the dad ever tell her he wanted her dead or say "why don't you kill yourself." I heard this somewhere too that he said it. Yeah you never say that to someone, especially if they are depressed or a child. Then don't be surprised when they are.

Even if he didn't say it to her but said instead he wanted a certain part of her dead, to her it may have meant "I want you dead" because when you are depressed or something, you do tend to twist what is said to you because of your feelings.

More details on the incident.


http://fox8.com/2015/06/10/police-revea ... -expected/

Thank you for posting that. It is very upsetting reading the man be defended here, and I am glad you posted the link and hope the child protective report the school filed at least results in some action. It is so sad the girl feeling so hopeless, bad and alone she felt she had to die.

It's only natural that she would defend her dad in the suicide notes. This does not prove that the father did not act abusively. In fact, it lends more support to the fact that he was since she is excusing his behavior and internalizing the shame. I'm guessing much more went on than this one specific incident. It's not just the hair or the online video or the school bullying (potentially). It's a culmination of factors and unfortunately the dad now has to live with himself.

It's really disgusting how everyone just wants to wrap this up, clean and tidy, and not take any personal responsibility for her death.

I suppose I need to remember he is a person too, he did what he did, it was wrong, but I think maybe I am wrong villifying someone for what can't be undone, no matter how strongly I feel.

I hope she is chillin' in heaven now.

You can't villify someone who has done that to themselves. I don't feel sorry for the man in the least. How much you want to bet he has a history of being an abusive parent and this kid would have been better off living in another family? Too bad she didn't have a good place to go to escape the hell that must have been her home. So sad parents feel the only way is to turn their home into a living hell then you go and wonder about teenagers who act out.
These types of occurrences are rarely isolated, one time events. Often there is a pattern of abuse that starts out young. The parent clings to the misguided notion the sustained abuse is somehow helping their child yet their child keeps getting worse and worse so the parent rationalizes, the abuse must be tougher and then boom someone ends up dead. It's the abuse spiral. You can bet this kid suffered other forms of abuse before her hair was chopped off. I have seen plenty of this type of behavior where I live, a place that has a higher than average child-death rate from abuse and it's usually kids under five that suffer the most. You gotta face reality about it. Abuse is abuse and please do not rationalize it. It's never a good thing. It never helps.

I have diagnosed major depression and anxiety that I control with benzo class drugs, (which I've talked about on WP before if you'd bothered to check) I just also happen to have a functional brain that realizes that it's not psychic and can't know what is in the hearts of others, unlike some people. Perhaps you shouldn't be so quick with the ignorant assumptions...

Just to be clear, cutting a child's hair to punish them is a stupid parenting decision, but that does not mean that it's what triggered the suicide, and that isn't even really a foreseeable outcome. People really need to get off this judgmental kick, I don't know what good they think will come of it other than making themselves think they've accomplished something.

I do feel psychic because I just knew you would argue with that post when I posted it. You were the one I envisioned out of everyone. I have also been diagnosed with the same but I cannot take drugs for it because they don't agree with me so I have to manage it like someone with Type 2 diabetes manages their illness through food alone and just avoid situations where I have to deal with stress and insults for a prolonged period. My strategy is working well so far.

And if someone tells me, look, I am going to stress you out by embarrassing you, mutilating your hair then I am going to humiliate you but trust me, it's for your own good. I would tell them they are full of shite and press charges on their sorry ass.