The rush to blame autism after tragedies at schools

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So, basically because I’m a gay adult male you assume I’m an internet predator because I reached out to a kid to let him know he has support in this world? Well in that case, f**k you. Ironically, considering you’re “different,” yourself, you are a part of the problem with society treating people that are different from themselves as threats. I sincerely hope you learn something from this.

I did not assume anything about you. I assumed because you are an adult contacting a minor who is a stranger people would think you are a internet preditor. “People” does not necessarily mean everybody or me. It has been written about a lot that autistics are vulnrable. Parents put tracking software on their kids software. I am advising you to do what I have been doing since I recieved my internet connection 21 years ago. I have never contacted a minor who is a complete stranger out of the complete blue for fear it would be taken the wrong way.

I did not learn anything new but had reinforced what I already knew. The chilling effect of stigma on communications between innocent people.

Gentlemen, gentlemen... you two have far more in common than not, and as I recall agree more often than not. This is just a misunderstanding between yourselves. The gun fetishist Trumpanzee is out there in this forum, laying in wait to troll any of us at any time. We need to stick together.

A new breakthrough to reduce mass shootings
Most of the column by Ann Coulter blames immigrants but

The #MeToo tripe has some interesting parelells to blaming autism for shooting or other tragedies at school places, does it?

Also convinces me that paranoia and scapegoating is itself the main problem in society.

That emaciated shrew thinks autism is another word for Schizophrenia?!?!?! If anyone had doubted the degree of absolute ignorance the leadership of the American right has descended to, this should put those doubts to rest!

You’re advising me to live my life in fear that a polite appropriate message to someone will be mistaken for a predatory sexual advance?

That’s ridiculous. You can keep your anxiety to yourself, thank you very much. I’ll continue being a decent human being whenever I please.

Everyone take a chill pill.No one is accusing anyone of being a predator of children,however as a parent I would not like an older stranger contacting a child of mine.Simply because I do not know what their motives are.Being gay does not equal pedophilla.But some don't get that.When my son was a teen he was good friend with an older neighbor who is bisexual,I never worried about them being alone together or going hiking.The man was a family friend and I had total trust in my son being alone with him,I've known him for years and totally trust him.A stranger would be a totally different matter.

There's a big difference between something along the lines of: "I read about you in the news and wanted to reach out & ask how you're coping, say a few kind words, and invite you to the discussion about prevention of bullying of ASD school kids" and:



And I'm very well aware of what it that difference is.

Further, if you don't recall, I shared my story here on these forums ~4 years ago about spending a year of my free time as my own lawyer defending myself against 100% fabricated allegations of verbal sexual harassment filed by an extremely homophobic coworker with the BC Human Rights Tribunal before all accusations against myself and 2 corporations were withdrawn. (Long story short: I came out as gay, he freaked & tried to get me fired and ended up quitting himself and making up a crazy story that I said sexual things to him.) I am VERY WELL AWARE of what is/isn't appropriate when it comes to text communication.

Somehow I very highly doubt we'd be having this conversation of the OP of this thread had posted that she reached out to ask that Owen was doing ok and to invite him to this discussion.

Further, he's 17, not stupid. If some creep sends him a creepy message on the internet I'm sure he's amply capable of reporting it to his parents/law enforcement.

Annnd, you people are being ridiculous if you think I need to creep on a high schooler a few timezones away. You have no idea how easily accessible chat with some young gay guy is. There's literally an app for that. One click and the nearest 100 gay boys show up in icon sized photos on my phone & I can chat with whoever's online, no super bizarre hitting on high schoolers from news articles on the internet required.

I ALMOST feel like screenshotting the few message conversation and posting it here, but it irks me to have to do so in a "guilty until proven innocent," sort of way.

Once again, different does not mean threat. If you as adults cannot comprehend that, then what hope is there that neurodiversity awareness curriculum preaching the same thing is going to get through to school aged children? Oh, wait.. children, as the Parkland teens' movement proves, are much more adept & learning and doing things than grown adults in so many cases.

I did not remember the horriffic incident with your coworker, If I did remember I might have handled this better.

Again it is not a matter of what we think.

At 17 he is not stupid, his quotes in the article prove that. There is the idea of Autistics being a vulnerable, easy targets. Many many articles discuss this. Parents of Autistics read these articles. From what I understand things are more relaxed in Canada but here we are three decades into the helicopter, overprotective parenting era. What just happened is going to make this worse. Being from another country nothing is likely to happen to you but why do anything that might provoke more anxiety for his parents? Why engage in an activity widely thought of as creepy as illogical as that thought is? How does that help the cause of diversity?

Where did you get that I thought you were a threat?I never said that.The point is some parents are overly protective and THEY,not me,might see you as a threat.
I have never seen different as a threat.

I am certain that the words I typed could not possibly have been interpreted as targeting him for anything. I'd be happy for him to show his mother our conversation. Hell, he thanked me for it. Here are his words: "Hey thanks for reaching out to me though means a lot to know I have some support," and THAT is exactly the reason I contacted him in the first place, so, mission accomplished. Also, as stated previously, I invited him to join this discussion here if it's something that interests him as his perspective would be of value considering he's living this situation right now.

What's more relaxed in Canada? You think we don't love our children just as much as American parents do? I don't have kids of my own, but as a Godfather to 5 and uncle to many more, I can tell you we are Not relaxed about people creeping on kids. I'm simply not paranoid that my completely normal text conversation with a 17yo who made the news is going to be considered creepy to anyone. I sent an 8 year old autistic kid a Christmas card last year - because his parents requested, in a news article, that random strangers on the internet do so because their son LOVES receiving them so much. He received thousands. I'm also a mentor to a sometimes-homeless 18 year old in my neighbourhood - but he was only 17 when I met him last Summer. I lent him money/cell phone & got him a temporary job for a while. I created, promoted, and hosted a fundraiser party, during Pride, for a youth homeless shelter in Vancouver where 40% of homeless youth are LGBT. I raised a few thousand dollars and a tonne of awareness as I had free radio ads & online news ads thanks to my contacting the media. The best part was getting people from the action sports community (kiteboarding, stand up paddleboarding, dragon boating, parkour) to all donate raffle prizes... but also agree to take out groups of kids from the youth homeless shelter to get to do these things.

Maybe you don't relate to kids or care about them ?? but there's a reason I'm Godfather to 5 of them and many of them's favourite uncle. I do relate to them & I care about them - especially homeless kids - as I came so close to homelessness once & I know that many are homeless simply for being gay. I know that I have the opportunities I have in life due to people who helped me when I needed it, so, I pay it forward helping others. And when I read Owen Lynch's story I felt for that kid and wanted to reach out and ask how he was doing. So, being autistic myself & not really giving a flying f**k about social norms and whether someone else thinks it's appropriate or not to be a nice human being to someone under the age of 18, I went ahead and did so, as I always do & always will. Hasn't ever been misinterpreted as me being a creep to a kid. Ever. Because I'm not.

My messages wouldn't provoke anxiety for his parents. They're free to read them all they like. In fact, now that you mention it, I hope they do. What they'll find is that some autistic man sent a message to their son to see how he's dealing with things & to share a few positive words that will hopefully keep him thinking about his future as a geneticist vs. allowing high school bullying to get to him too much. And they'll see that their son appreciated the contact & kind words of encouragement and I'm sure, as parents, that they'd be happy that their son felt better for having read my words. I know I would be.

I'm the kind of guy that lifts heavy things for people, opens doors, pulls over on the side of the road to check on people with car troubles, offers my cell phone to those who need to make a call, picks random people up from train stations (along with my brother) to offer them a ride in the Winter during a transit strike, picks up hitch hikers in the mountains, drives across town in the middle of the night to fill a prescription for a child I had met once for a few seconds at the time I bought shoes for her whole family several years prior, pays to fly my friend's internet friend here for his birthday, walks/drives a very drunk woman and her dog back to their house a few days ago after she slipped and fell on the ice, gives my dad $5000 for his birthday towards buying a motorcycle since it's the one thing he wants to do in life before he dies of cancer. Ok, that last one is my father, not exactly a stranger.. but I'm sure you've heard the phrase "thanks (or due) to the kindness of strangers," before, no? I am that stranger.

Speaking of creeps, though, I just saw this on Facebook yesterday & it went down just several blocks from where I was with my friends a couple days ago: http://www.surreycreepcatcher.com/videos/ralph-george
That creep was my grade 8 science teacher. The guy in the video who caught him is Ryan Laforge. He's locally infamous for this stuff. This video was pretty good, some of the other ones he gets.. unprofessional with people in the video and online and it's resulted in lawsuits against him as well as LEO's not particularly liking him and his vigilante ways. He's done some wrong, but he's also caught a lot of creeps. The homeless kid I help out with money and advice crashed on Ryan's couch for a few weeks last Summer when he left a bad living situation with his alcoholic mother. Anyways, it's people like the guy in this video, my old teacher, who are creepy.

When I said Canadians are more relaxed I meant less paranoid, less cynical, less frightened then Americans. That is how it seems to me from afar anyway. You guys just seem more mellow to me (with the exception of anything related to hockey )

You are still not getting what me and I think MissLizard are saying. We are not talking about your words, we are not discussing the kids reaction to the contact, we are talking about parental reaction in general to an older stranger initiating contact with their child online.

Yes, in general Canadians are less paranoid than Americans. It's part of why we don't have more guns than people in our country.

You're still not getting what I'm saying. Words & context have meaning. It's not just contact. AS high school kid makes the news and is being bullied in the wake of another school shooting. AS man contacts kid and tells him not to stress too much about high school bullying as high school is a very temporary time in one's life & assures said kid that there are many people like him out there in the world achieving things academically and otherwise and that he ought to keep his head up and stay focused on his goals. Also invites side youth to join in the discussion of preventing bullying of ASD kids if he'd like. AS kid thanks AS man for said contact and communication. There is literally nothing for a parent to be concerned about & thus I welcome him showing his parents our brief chat.

Do you avoid all communication with younger people for fear that their parents are going to assume you're trying to molest their children?

I talk with younger relatives of mine, I am part of the group conversations here that sometimes involve minors. I never asked but I got the sense that when my niece was very young my brother in law did not trust me alone with her I was in my 40’s never married. But basically the answer to your question is yes. I do not initiate conversations with minors on or offline period and have not done so for many years for exactly this reason.


Context SHOULD matter. It usually does not, not in the America of 2018 anyways.

Matt Damon Apologizes for Sexual Misconduct Comments: ‘I Really Wish I’d Listen


There is nothing wrong with what he said. He was putting things in proper context. He was not approving any type of abuse in any way. Yet in order to continue or not hurt his career in this climate he needed to apologize. He has the resources to weather this, I do not.

The parental protective instinct has nothing to do with logic. You go against it at your own peril.

Perhaps individual people should count just as much as context.

I'm not accusing you for one split second of being a creep, but maybe if that's how your family/friends perceive you and don't trust you alone around their young children then that's reinforced your paranoia about doing everything in your power to Not possibly be mistaken for a creep.

Meanwhile, in my reality, I lost count how many times my youngest God daughter fell asleep on my chest in the first 5 or so years of her life. (She's 10 now.) In fact, my facebook profile picture is of her sleeping on my chest when she was under a year old - I've never changed my profile picture even though I look differ now (fitter) because I like that picture.

I'm not doing anything any parent needs to worry about. I AM a protective person, especially of my friends/family. I''m 6'2 200lbs ~12.5%bf right now & quite strong. I'm the one someone would have to worry about if they harmed a kid in my life, not one harming kids. Again, I'd be happy for Owen Lynch's parents to see my message - to see that I identified myself as an HFA adult having this conversation on this forum & reached out to say "don't fret too much, because like myself, you have a future," sort of thing and that's that.

It's okay to advise people to ensure they're not saying/doing anything inappropriate with minors online, but that doesn't mean there's no such thing as appropriate communication with young people.