My condolences to all involved.
I once worked for a lawyer who dealt with family law (separation, divorce, custody, etc). Some of our clients and/or their (ex)spouses would show extreme behaviours. I remember the lawyer saying "Different people have different emotional fabrics. Some people are able to meet challenges and stress with heroic poise, others unravel under the same stress." She was not being judgmental of people who had difficulty with stress, as a matter of fact, she always expected appropriate behaviour to herself and her staff. However, she had empathy and compassion for the individuals who were having difficulty.
Although my son is mildly autistic and is high functioning, I went through a lot of emotions when he was diagnosed. I never thought of killing him, but I thought of killing myself. I have a life insurance plan so my husband would be able to afford a home (we currently rent) and afford extra therapies/child care. I know this is a sick and disturbing thought and I know deep inside that my son needs the love and devotion of two parents, both my husband and myself - but the thoughts would cross my mind.
I was also depressed as I have big dreams for my children. I want them to succeed in whatever endevours they are interested in - be that going to university to become a doctor (in any disipline), having any profession or whatever their calling is. I wanted to be able to take my children traveling and enjoy activities.
One time, I was sleeping on my bed. My autistic son was sleeping next to me and I could feel him breathing. I had a disturbing dream where he was missing and I found him in a ditch - dead - his small lifeless body wearing the dirty, soaked clothes that I had dressed him in. I was panicked and in despair. I kept telling everyone around me that he was still alive - I could feel him next to me breathing!! !! ! They all said, "no, he is dead." I finally was able to open my eyes and see my son, alive and breathing beside me on the bed.
I understood exactly what my subconcious mind was trying to say ... Some of my dreams and ambitions for my family are "dead" - but they autistic boy beside me is alive and well. I needed to let go of my picture perfect ideals (as society would have me believe) and love my son fully and completely for himself - autism and all.
I have had a much, much better relationship with both of my children since this acceptance.
I think what this father did was wrong. However, I have learned to judge only actions, never people - may both he and his son rest in eternal peace.
30 Sep 2009, 10:15 pm
