"The End of the Best Friend"

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If you've seen this before (it was published back in June) I apologize for the repetition. However, what do you guys think about this?

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/17/fashi ... kpL7d58aTg

I thought I had a "best friend" once, who ultimately stabbed me in the back. The experience may have made me more cynical, but it also taught me to be more cautious about who I can and can't trust, and probably improved my "BS sensor."

Is this kind of...*guidance*...from adults regarding their kids' socializing crossing the line?

In general, I would say, it's okay to have a best, it's okay not to.

And, are parents getting too involved? Yes, in too much of a worrisome, nervous nellie kind of way. And if parents let their children develop in their own way, with coaching of course, with support of course . . . well, it would help aspie kids, and it would help any kid who just marched to his or her own drummer.

I think it´s sick that adults plan and organize childs play. Let the kids be kids and not small adult copies.

I had a really good friend as a young kid. Then he found God and I found some other kids that came close. And so on when I grew up. Things mostly get in place by it self. Unless you are an Aspie. Now I dont have any friends like that. And thats fine with me.

/Bigge

It's hard to have a best friend when everyone is so concerned about themselves. Friends aren't selfish.

This seems to be the logical conclusion of the let's all be equal and sing kumbaya and love mankind stuff that started with the hippies. So that no child feels left out, we must force our kids to have a myriad of superficial friendships. So that every kid has an equal chance, we must schedule play dates weeks in advance for our kids at the exact same time and place and way for all. I think it has the potential to backfire big time. If kids never feel a deep emotional bond with any other person, and in fact are taught to shun such for superficial, planned friendships/alliances, they might turn out to be superficial, manipulative people, even sociopathic in some cases, who only think about ME ME ME and to hell with the rest of the world. Such a "skill" may be necessary for American office work, but I can see the ghosts of the world's greatest genocides looming just over the hill. "Everybody" likes certain people, so "everybody" hates certain others, and those who are ok to hate must be removed from society so that things can function smoothly. If you don't fit, get out. That was the basic logic of the Nazis (risking Godwin's Law here, but bear with me) and of the Asian Communists. Look at photos of China in the 70s-everybody wearing Mao suits and acting as one.

something about this no best friend thing...is creepy. I guess as long as we dont have tight emotional bonds, when the neo naxis come marching in, they can tell all your suprfical friends a lie or two and they will turn on you and you will have no one to support you. A close friend wont buy that crap. The evidence is here...its not looking good for the home team, folks.

That's just a tad bit messed up. Nothing like engineering your children's friendships though.

It's sad that adults are attempting to discourage best friend-ism. When I was a kid, my parents did half-heartedly attempt to get me to expand my social circle beyond my best friend. I did play with other girls but mostly only when my best friend was unavailable because of other obligations. My parents thought this was vaguely unhealthy (probably for the reasons given in the article) but since she was a completely nice person instead of a Bad Influence they didn't try all that hard. And so we were best friends for 6 years, until her family moved away. Six years is a hefty part of a childhood.

I think having best friends is perfectly fine and healthy. I think it's something that parents and educators should simply stay out of (unless the best friend seems dangerous and pathological and therefore a bad influence). It isn't something adults can either make happen or prevent from happening anf they should just leave it alone.

When it happens naturally, it teaches a child how to form a srong emotional bond with a non-relative. This is a healthy thing. Some people tend naturally towards a large number of friends and that's fine too, when it happens naturally. But I don't think it's a good idea for adults to try to push their child towards obne model or the other. I think a child's nature should be the guide and parents and educators should let things happen naturally and not try to intervene unless there is an actual problem.

Unfortunately enough of it goes on.

Hmm...I wonder of proponents of this policy saw the movie "Heavenly Creatures" and freaked out.

Like I said, I didn't have a lasting best friend myself, but many do. I see no reason for adults to micromanage yet ANOTHER aspect of children's lives.

a friend would be nice.

I'm happy to have a best friend.

Here comes the Brave New World.

Next it will be that people shouldn't form monogamous attachments to members of the opposite sex. Then it will be Soma twice a day. Oh wait, most people already do take Soma twice a day.

well then, i guess i'm not one of the lucky ones to get a daily soma allotment.

You not on anti depressants, Auntie?

i haven't been on pmeds [concerta and strattera] since 2006, when my medical insurance stopped covering them. out of pocket, they would have cost me 2 times my monthly income. so i had to settle for being scatterbrained again. that is the main thing those two pmeds did for me, to unscramble my thinking. i have found that i get some unscrambling benefit from long bouts of vigorous exercise on most days. as for mood elevation, since i read a book on how to cognitively cancel-out my depression, i seem to have not had a dysthymic problem since then. i am not saying this is an answer for anybody but for myself. so to add it all up, i get a 40% cognitive benefit from the vigorous exercise, and 50% mood benefit from both the exercise and the cognitive hygiene. sure, i'd love to be able to start with the strattera again, but i don't strictly need it, it would be a bonus. and i would never say no to a tank of nitrous, along with a tank of O2 for good measure. THOSE would be MY soma. or maybe valium, that is also a truly excellent drug but oh so hard to get here in puritanical america. valium made me feel like an all-over hug and kisses and love and warmth. i miss it. medicate me