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Are you married?
No, but with girlfriend/boyfriend 11%  11%  [ 6 ]
No partner at all 54%  54%  [ 29 ]
Yes, but divorced 6%  6%  [ 3 ]
Yes 30%  30%  [ 16 ]
Total votes : 54

IpsoRandomo
Deinonychus
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21 Dec 2006, 2:28 am

Hi, I can't find any information on the tendency for Aspies to marry. Would anyone care to enlighten me?



TheMachine1
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21 Dec 2006, 2:34 am

Never married, never had a partner. Not worried about it either.

Since its typical in courtship for men to be the more agressive aspie men tend to
fail at the courtship game more than aspie females. Plus its possible the level of impairment on average is worst in men.

Other evidence seems to suggest that on avaerage an aspie man will be more likely
to get married at a much later age. I think thats supported by the Israeli study that came out this year in which older men have a higher percent of autisic (the
study included the whole spectrum)children. The study did not draw that conclusion but I did from it.

Your poll should have age and sex included to have any real usefull meaning.

Such as:
Partner will be defined as :wife/husband BF/GF

I'm a female 18 or under and never had a partner.
I'm a female 18 or under and have had a partner.
I'm a male 18 or under and never had a partner.
I'm a male 18 or under and have had a partner.

I'm a female 19 to 30 and never had a partner.
I'm a female 19 to 30 and have had a partner.
I'm a male 19 to 30 and never had a partner.
I'm a male 19 to 30 and have had a partner.

I'm a female 30 and up and never had a partner.
I'm a female 30 and up had a partner.
I'm a male 30 and up and never had a partner.
I'm a male 30 and upand have had a partner.



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21 Dec 2006, 5:10 am

Used to be.


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21 Dec 2006, 8:06 am

Married at age 33, still married 16 years. Past five or so have been the best, as she has come to understand me better. When younger, had terrible time dating.


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21 Dec 2006, 9:04 am

No partner at all, Marriage is over rated these day's just show's you how much one can lie it has lost it's meaning.....

Don't see a point unless your going to have a kid.... for name sake.... and not to be called a
* B***** Cough *...

Also for insurance way's but make sure you void your ((will)) for it on been killed by your partner :/... which is another topic I find really strange when they get most of the stuff anyway when you split....

and other stuff...

*** Not saying all this is true ***



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21 Dec 2006, 6:57 pm

Been married 12 years. It came as quite a surprise to find someone who liked my oddness lol.



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21 Dec 2006, 7:03 pm

I was engaged for a while, but things didn't work out.


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diseased
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21 Dec 2006, 7:09 pm

Married twice. First time, age 25, lasted one year. I think we both knew it wasn't going to work and just couldn't accept it. 2nd time, age 29, still married, we plan on keepin it that way til one of us dies eventually.
She is my best friend and my reason for getting up in the morning.
I think this is one of the reasons the threads on 'I'm NEVER going to find someone, I'm just gonna give up now.. mopemopemope' piss me off so much. You CAN find The One. They ARE out there somewhere. I moved 1500 miles for mine and haven't regretted a second. In point of fact, we met completely by random chance.
Yes, you're gonna get burned a few times... sorry, btw. Yes, you may have your heart broken. And yes, it sucks ass to be alone. So, get off your ass, quit complaining to us about how alone you are and go out and meet someone. I can almost guarantee you, they're not gonna come looking for you.
Also, don't waste your time with the ones that you know in your gut aren't right for you. That can be worse than being alone.



Ganurath
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21 Dec 2006, 9:15 pm

Nineteen, and never been able to get a girlfriend. It does bother me, though.


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TheMachine1
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21 Dec 2006, 11:20 pm

diseased wrote:
Married twice. First time, age 25, lasted one year. I think we both knew it wasn't going to work and just couldn't accept it. 2nd time, age 29, still married, we plan on keepin it that way til one of us dies eventually.
She is my best friend and my reason for getting up in the morning.
I think this is one of the reasons the threads on 'I'm NEVER going to find someone, I'm just gonna give up now.. mopemopemope' piss me off so much. You CAN find The One. They ARE out there somewhere. I moved 1500 miles for mine and haven't regretted a second. In point of fact, we met completely by random chance.
Yes, you're gonna get burned a few times... sorry, btw. Yes, you may have your heart broken. And yes, it sucks ass to be alone. So, get off your ass, quit complaining to us about how alone you are and go out and meet someone. I can almost guarantee you, they're not gonna come looking for you.
Also, don't waste your time with the ones that you know in your gut aren't right for you. That can be worse than being alone.


Well you can not deny that AS is a social cognitive problem and getting a partner is
the most complex social skill. Oh and I was one who said I'm not worried about it. I can run the numbers and know being alone is better if you can live with it. I'm the kinda person who could live in a solitary confinemnet for years and still come out with
a smile.

Its a myth that "there is someone out their for everybody". Thats not something that can be backed up with science. To quote that myth is to only blame the victim. Plus I
hate how everybody sees the world from their eyes (no empathy from most here).



logitechdog
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21 Dec 2006, 11:56 pm

empathy - we not meant to be we are As...

The imaginative projection into another's feelings, a state of total identification with another's situation, condition, and thoughts. The action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without explicitly articulating these feelings. Fern empathizes with Wilbur; Charlotte empathizes with Wilbur.

A man is talking about his father's death, which had occurred a week earlier. As he talks about missing his father and his powerful love for him, the man's voice gradually becomes filled with anguish and then he bursts into tears in front of a friend who is listening to him.

If the friend uses sympathy, she might think, for example: He is remembering his father with pain. Poor Roger. If the friend decides to verbalize her thoughts, she might say to the grieving man words such as: "I feel your pain."

1 more strike and your out machine lol :P

Also, don't waste your time with the ones that you know in your gut aren't right for you. That can be worse than being alone. " Nicely put diseased I get that feeling too like (butterfly’s, shock up ye spine - feel's like your frontal lobe forward and back? That happens to u?) "

They is a 99.9% chance they have been diagnosed wrong.... Machine...



Last edited by logitechdog on 22 Dec 2006, 12:34 am, edited 7 times in total.

TheMachine1
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22 Dec 2006, 12:19 am

logitechdog wrote:
empathy - we not meant to be we are As...


Well thats bit of a myth that most aspies do not feel empathy. But the kind of empathy I'm talking about could be simulated with logic and one does not need to be NT to do that. My situation does not apply to yours and perhaps my opinion does not apply to all people. I guess I should not use the word empathy but simple say its a logic error
to assume your situation/ life experience applies to all people. And to quote some
babble that all people have a partner out their is not base in logic.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... ic&t=21460



IpsoRandomo
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22 Dec 2006, 2:29 pm

Having empathy simply means, for whatever reason, that you feel what the other person feels. Those with AS have difficulty "reading" other people's emotions, therefore we lack empathy simply becuase one must know how another feels in order to emulate that person's feelings.



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22 Dec 2006, 5:25 pm

IpsoRandomo wrote:
Hi, I can't find any information on the tendency for Aspies to marry. Would anyone care to enlighten me?

Assume this means anyone dx'd w/an ASD, not whether or not they end up married to each other. I'm over 30, was married in my 20's, got divorced & now have boyfriend. Didn't get dx'd until recently & despite my difficult personality I've managed to find relationships. My experience is representative of only 1 person, I've been luckier than some people & less so than others. Each individual w/ an ASD has variety of assets & range of challenges, people can be "equal" but not interchangeable. I've been totally alone & feeling unloveable, and at other times I've had a partner who adores me. Can relate to both hopefulness & hopelessness expressed in this topic.


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TheMachine1
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22 Dec 2006, 5:49 pm

logitechdog wrote:
They is a 99.9% chance they have been diagnosed wrong.... Machine...


Not sure how aspergers is diagnosed in the UK. But in the US it diagnosed based on DSM-IV and that is a list of characteristics and to be diagnosed with AS a person must have a certain number of those characteristic. Lack of empathy is one of those characteristc not a requirment for a DX.

http://web.syr.edu/~rjkopp/data/dsm_criteria.html

So your making the same kind of logic error. Assuming your life situation applies to
others here. Anyway I have allready said I should have not use the words "lack of
empathy" to characterize Diseased post. A better way to say is he made an ilogical statement. His life situation does not apply to everyone.



logitechdog
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22 Dec 2006, 6:09 pm

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/conditions/autism1.shtml

Called predicting someone's feeling to mimic empathy but your meant to do it without thinking logical as your assuming that is what they are feeling..

Also think this kinda does not work most of the time...

Empathy is predicated upon and must, therefore, incorporate the following elements:

a. Imagination which is dependent on the ability to imagine;
b. The existence of an accessible Self (self-awareness or self-consciousness);
c. The existence of an available other (other-awareness, recognizing the outside world);
d. The existence of accessible feelings, desires, ideas and representations of actions or their outcomes both in the empathizing Self ("Empathor") and in the Other, the object of empathy ("Empathee");
e. The availability of an aesthetic frame of reference;
f. The availability of a moral frame of reference.


Conditions (b) and (c), for instance, are not satisfied by people who suffer from personality disorders, such as the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Condition (d) is not met in autistic people (e.g., those who suffer from Asperger's Disorder). Condition (e) is so totally dependent on the specifics of the culture, period and society in which it exists - that it is rather meaningless and ambiguous as a yardstick. Condition (f) suffer from both afflictions: it is both culture-dependent AND is not satisfied in many people (such as those who suffer from the Antisocial Personality Disorder and who are devoid of any conscience or moral sense).

DSM-IV not meant to just stop at this..... You go on to further testing, social care worker, medication, evaluated, and cancel out with other disorder's to take the % down on the probability it not been As but another form...

"" I do know Machine was the first test I was given... ""

Finding out about a family history might also be good as if it is genetic....
I know my farther has it...

We are pedantic machine so I hope your not take this as a attack on you I did use a :P after the strike.. I do see this research as theory as the course of autism is not pin pointed yet... What I don't get is how they can diagnose it so fast, when they can be wrong in physical diagnostics... Until this genetic stuff come out....

But then ye let them worry about it :).... & said 99.9% as it's the figure people use to not get sued if it goes wrong or someone does not agree... sorry if I did not make that clear kind of a joke :p

Philosophy empathy?



Last edited by logitechdog on 24 Dec 2006, 1:14 am, edited 11 times in total.