Letter to ASD husband

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I just came across this anonymous letter from a wife to her husband who has Autism. It featured in the Guardian late last month and it touched me so much. I wish I d received something like that
Just thought I should share it!

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle ... asd-autism

Last edited by Billuxv on 05 Dec 2013, 4:54 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I didn't see anything shared. I can't access any link to read.

Oops! My bad. I ll share the link in a minute! Sorry

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle ... asd-autism

Woo-hoo. What an epiphany. Tomorrow she'll be right back to complaining about him being an insufferable lout.

Favourited. Thanks for posting it.

My pleasure

I get the feeling your right.... reading between the lines she sounds like a entitled b-word. If my wife talked that way to me I'd be on to a new wife.

I don't know-- I think it's realistic. Honestly-- look, guys, we're not easy people to love. That doesn't mean we're unlovable-- just that it's not easy. Not just anybody is going to be able to do it, and it's not going to be easy on them.

Turnabout's fair play-- it's not easy on us, either. Living with another adult human being means being CONSTANTLY on our on-stage behavior-- it wouldn't, for an NT, but for us it does. It means watching what we say, and how we say it, and how long it takes to say it, and... and... and...

Had I fully appreciated all ASD meant (that we see human interaction-- make that the whole world-- in fundamentally different ways, that we need fundamentally different things, that NO amount of learning is going to make my mental filter work properly or turn my sense of imminent threat off in the face of an argument, or that there's always going to be a point at which the ONLY way I can avoid a meltdown is to walk away and concerned insecure spouses will ALWAYS follow and insist on continuing the discussion) when I got married, I would not have been dating at all. I would have been in the market for a few good friends, but marriage would have been out of the question. Both because I honestly believe that I've ruined my husband's life (whether he knows it or not) and because, if I had it all to do over again, there is NO WAY IN HELL I would willingly, knowingly, and deliberately walk into this minefield.

At the same time-- I would LOVE to get that letter. I would LOVE to know that he acknowledges that he's suffered for being married to me-- not because I want him to suffer, but because I want to hear him say that he's aware of the price he's paid and still deems it worthwhile. And I would LOVE to know that he understands what it costs me, just to do what, from my point of view, seems to come so effortlessly to NTs that it can be taken for granted-- that, for example, I've already exhausted my risk tolerance for the day by the time I go to the grocery store, get homework done, and take the kids to soccer practice; that it's NOT unreasonable anxiety when I say that I can't take two kids and run to the store for milk and bread and potatoes because my face is slipping off and I'm terrified someone might see me; that I'm avoiding disaster, not being a coward, when I refuse to argue with the cashier who's clearly in the wrong when she refuses to manually enter my debit card after the scanner fails to read it.

I'd love to know that someone understands that those "easy" things aren't easy for me, and aren't ever going to be-- no matter how much therapy I get, no matter how much self-confidence I acquire, no matter how many affirmations I repeat or how well I rote-learn what I'm supposed/not supposed to do.

Lol! O wouldn't be the least surprised

I do feel the same as well...if I knew about ASD , I wouldn't have gone that way either... I feel my wife could have been a lot happier if she'd dated and married an NT. as you said, we ArE loveable... It's just the differences in thinking and communication that poses a challenge.

In the meantime, I'm just waiting..... And waiting... And wishing that one day, just one day, I ll come across a similar letter in the papers with my name at the top, and my wife's name at the bottom , telling me she understands and appreciates how hard I push myself daily in every situation to give her a life as close to normal as possible , even though it doesn't seem like that from the outside...
Wishful thinking...
But it's good to dream

See... this statement is stereotyping Neurotypicals... we cannot hold them responsible for the things that they DON'T know if we don't educate them... and by their standards... most of the time... we are insufferable...

I don't know if you have any Autistic Spectrum friends or relatives... but I live with my sister... we are both Aspies... and I gotta say...I love her, but often, I want to slap her... I have another aspie friend... same thing... if we can't deal with each other easily... how can we expect them to?