Texts from homophobic mother to Gay son

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http://www.policymic.com/articles/80985 ... r-straight

Tomzy: I am so sorry. Your mom is obviously ill. Or maybe she really is a monster. Most of the people i was raised by/with are and I finally had to go to a no contact policy with them. You do not deserve this. You deserve a mom who loves you. It's not her.

Geez, and I thought it was just maternal instinct to love your kids. Silly me!

Wow..

Homophobia or not, religious views or not, you need to separate yourself from this poison.

This is not good for you.

Block her from your message list, or get a new number.

You need to take care of yourself.

You are no one's emotional punching bag.

No one's.

She needs to live her life, without you.

You need to live your life without her.

She has other children, she will survive just fine.

She is not your problem, unless you allow her into your life, so don't.

Sincerely,

Sylkat

Why is it that whenever someone disagrees with the gay lifestyle, they're automatically labeled as "homophobic"? Another thing...why is it that gays and lesbians demand tolerance and acceptance, but then refuse to give that to people who don't agree with the way they live?

I'm probably going to get some hateful responses to this, but personally, I think these are legitimate questions.

You dont need to agree with the way other people live their life without influencing yours. But if you bother others without need with hateful s**t and harass them, you should not whonder if someone refers to you as an harassing person bothering others with hateful s**t, without need.

I dont see in the text, that her son would want to force his mom, to agree in his "lifestyle" (Do you refer to my desicion of living with an partner of the opposite gender as well as an "lifestyle" that I "chose"? O_o) by saying "Woah, I think thats really cool, that you are gay now. Lets do a party!" I think he would be perfectly fine with her accepting, that this is the way HE wants to live HIS own life. But she is not even doing that, but is always refering about her not having a gay son, which is simply stupid, because its not upon her to decide if he is gay or not, neither do I think that he himself "decided" about that. Additional she is always talking about that girl, that he shall bring with him. Its not that she is not agreeing. Its that she is completely disrespecting him, out of an reason, that neither she nor he could choose upon. Does she really expect him to live the rest of his life miserable, make another girls life as well miserable by lying to her about his sexuality, only to please his mom with him bringing home a girl? O_o

"I order you to go ruin your and someone elses life, the only thing I care about is me being happy!" - Thats an sh***y oppinion, and thats why people blame her for having a sh***y oppinion. That oppinion was not only sh***y about homosexuality, but it is in general. "No I dont agree with you marrying that black girl/christian girl! I dont care for you to be in love with her, go get yourself a white/protestantic one, anyway if you love her or not. I dont care for being happy with someone that you love. The only important thing for me is, that I will be pleased!"

Still sounds sh***y for me, even when the topic homosexuality is exchange with another one.

So as to imply that gay people are the victims of other people's fear ("-phobia"), rather than ignorance.


They're human. It seems that people of every cultural identity demand tolerance and acceptance for themselves, but refuse to grant the same for others.


Yeah ... and they'll probably slam me, as well, for posting simple answers to your questions instead of a hate-filled rant against you.

Whatever this lady's problem is, she needs to go her own way and simply leave her son alone.

She does not need to accept or tolerate, she can simply live her life without him, and keep her opinions, feelings, behavior to herself.

And he can live his life without her.

They will both be better off without each other.

She cannot or will not accept his sexual focus, and she will not stop the criticism.

He needs to extricate himself from a toxic relationship, I do not care that she is his mother.

This is toxic for both of them.

He needs her out of his life, and I believe that he can get out of this mess if he chooses.

Disagreeing is one thing, but hatefully disowning your own child because of it is quite another.

I'm pretty sure you noticed the hateful slurs in these texts, which is a little more than just disagreement. But just in case that you're really completely unaware of this, being gay is not a lifestyle and f-ggot is a very harsh insult comparable to the racist n-word. Like your Asperger's, homosexuality is caused by a slightly differently neurological development. Which is not to say that it is a disorder, it's simply a rare human variation like red hair or freckles.

My point is that you didn't choose to become autistic. You didn't choose an unusual lifestyle. Neither do LGBT people. We're a little different and we can't help that. And of course we would like to be accepted for who we are. Don't you want to be tolerated and accepted as a person, despite being autistic? So do LGBT people. We're in no position to demand acceptance, what with being a small minority. But we feel understandably upset when people attack us with hateful slurs, and of course we say as much. Do you really think we're intolerant and discriminatory when we ask those who verbally abuse us to please stop doing that? That's a rather strange definition of intolerance, imho.

Anyway, the fact that being gay is a biological trait means that this hateful parent didn't just attack and insult her son for the way he chose to live his life. She hates her son. It's as simply as that. She hates him for having a neurological trait that he cannot change. Imagine your parents hated you for being autistic. Imagine your mother demanded that you stop being such a weirdo and start behaving like a proper person this instant, or else she'll disown you. This is the same thing.

I don't think it is normal for parents to hate their children for who they are. If a mother verbally abused her bi-racial son by calling him the n-word, and demanded that he leave town because his skin color embarrasses her, we would all think that this person has psychological issues. This is clearly the case here too. I'm not sure that homophobia is the best term to describe this irrational hatred or if it should instead be called orientationism, heterosupremacism, or simply anti-gay bigotry. But I do know for sure that psychologically healthy individuals, who are secure in their own sexuality and don't harbor delusional beliefs about human sexual diversity, don't care one bit that some men love other men. Just like they don't care if their neighbor has a different taste in food or music. If it greatly bothers somebody that their neighbor prefers fish over steak, that's not exactly a sign of a healthy mind.

I hope that answers your question, which I'm sure was a legitimate inquiry born out of genuine ignorance of this subject. Now that you know that being gay is not a choice or a lifestyle, you won't have to ask this question ever again.

I'm not going to slam you, but I think that an intelligent and prolific poster / trollhunter like you should know that sexual orientation has nothing to do with cultural identity. It's simply a neurological trait that can be found in all human cultures, without exception.

Bigotry and hate speech also shouldn't be confused with cultural expression. I'm willing to tolerate hateful demagoguery and discriminatory slurs as free speech, unless it crosses the line between generalizations and personal harassment. But I don't think anyone can be expected to respect the likes of white supremacists, anti-Semites, anti-autistic ableists, or rabid anti-LGBT bigots. Nor would any reasonable person expect us minority members to quietly let the slurs wash over us without as much as a reply. They can speak their minds, we can speak our us. They can spread propaganda in the lines of "the Jews are poisoning wells", we can point out that this is complete and utter nonsense. If you want to pretend that their discriminatory rhetoric and our response are one and the same thing, that "dirty f-ggot!" and "excuse me, what did you just call me?" are both equally intolerant utterances, I can't help that. But based on what I read from you so far, I would have expected better.

I believe that there is middle ground, if people in general are willing to do their thing, live their lives, and respect others' right to do the same.

The American Nazi Party went to court to demand the right to have a parade.

They won, they paraded, wore their uniforms, waved their flags, infuriated people, but no one HAD to go to their parade.

No one HAS to go to the Pride parades.

No one HAS to attend Easter services.

No one HAS to tolerate abuse, either.

And no one has the right to make comments to or about co-workers who get ashes on their foreheads on Ash Wednesday, or wear hijabs or Star Of David necklaces or Baha'i rings, or wedding rings if married to someone of the same gender.

We (Americans) legally have the right to freedom of religion and pursuit of happiness.

If your pursuit of happiness bothers me, I only have the right to say anything if you are affecting the way that I live my life.

This young man's mother is going out of her way to harass him.

He needs to cut all ties, for his own emotional health.

She needs to accept him, or, again, cut all ties.

I don't agree with the homosexual lifestyle. I am a mother and frankly I think that that hag should leave her son alone. He is gay and that is that. Does that have to be the central issue that their relationship revolves around? Does he not have a job, hobbies, or a personality other than being gay? He probably does and her failure to focus on that is just a sign she is an idiot. One aspect of her child's life and she throws out 18 years of time she invested? there are no perfect children and there are a lot worse things then being gay.......such as being a cold hearted uncaring unempathetic person. If she loved her son she would never say those horrible abusive things and if she were a Christian she wouldn't either as the main tenant of Christianity is to walk in love.

Using slurs like fa***t and being hostile towards homosexuals and insulting them because of their sexual orientation and how they choose to live their lives is homophobia.

I think the term "gay lifestyle" is in and of itself homophobic; it's a sexual orientation, NOT a way of life. You don't choose to be gay, or straight, or bisexual, you're born that way! I know damn well that many people who currently identify as gay would have preferred to have been born straight, as that's what society sees as "normal" and tolerable.