I'm a woman, and here's why I don't support MeToo
Yes, the title says exactly what it says. I realize this probably puts me in a minority of women, and that's fine; as a woman on the spectrum, I'm used to being a minority among women anyway. ![]()
But here is my reasoning.
What started out as perhaps an understandable collective reaction to the unambiguous sexual abuses perpetrated by Harvey Weinstein, has now morphed into a frenzied free-for-all witch hunt against any and all men in power, regardless of profession, political orientation, or what-have-you, and regardless as to whether or not these men's actions clearly constituted sexual misconduct (there's a huge difference between, say, rape and verbal innuendo -- and in situations where there is no concrete evidence, it becomes a matter of he-said, she-said: hardly the standard by which to convict someone else of wrongdoing).
And this, I can't support.
I'll address first the more recent situations of Brett Kavanaugh and Mark Cuban because of their recency and because of their differing political persuasions (to prove that I'm not merely defending conservative men, as Cuban identifies Democratic).
Kavanaugh's accuser amazingly didn't come forward until money, milieu, and publicity became legitimate options to address her grievances. This sends the message to women that harassment or assault (if it indeed occurred, which remains disputable in this case, as right now it's a matter of he-said, she-said) can be remedied simply by getting money and attention. And that simply reinforces the message that women are manipulative shrews who use guilt manipulation to get what they want, which is usually $.
It's similar in Cuban's situation, except it's not Cuban who has been accused, but the men who worked under him, and so the women are holding him indirectly responsible for the environment of the Mavericks NBA organization. In the Mavericks' case, there was admittedly a lot of evidence proving that some male employees went far beyond the bounds of appropriate conduct, and I believe there was a genuine assault in one instance. Yet, apparently $10 million is a goodly sum to redress the ramifications of sexual misconduct in the workplace. Again, dollar signs. This is what MeToo women think will solve the problem? No, again, it only perpetuates the stereotype that women want money. That's not progress, sorry.
There have been other questionable cases resulting from MeToo. Chris Hardwick lost his job without any due process simply because he was accused (so much for 'innocent until proven guilty'!). Aziz Ansari got publicly shamed and accused for a gray area encounter that raised legitimate questions as, what really constitutes sexual misconduct? There is hardly unanimity among women on this subject, and MeToo's defenders are going to have to eventually acknowledge this problem and address it analytically and systematically. Until then, we see them aggressively coming out against abstractions like "toxic masculinity" (whatever that is), all while aggressively pursuing concrete actions against the men involved, and always seemingly with money as the ultimate end result.
And again, I hardly see that as progress.
So far as I can tell, the evidence points toward much of this movement becoming a witch hunt, and with money as the main goal to "solve" the problems of the excessively broad umbrella of unwanted sexual advances and encounters, however subjectively a woman may choose to describe them.
No thanks; cannot support that.
_________________
36 yr old female; dx age 29. Level 2 Aspie.
All I know is that the policies and procedures in place on college campuses, for Title IX compliance, are a steel jawed trap for Aspergers-afflicted men and women both. The assumption is that everyone is fully conversant in generally accepted social cues. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Anyway, thanks for writing this. Sometimes when social movements become dogmatic, a few iconoclasts can be very useful.
Deemar
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 16 Sep 2018
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 63
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Men are also victims of sexual abuse.The majority of victims want justice,not dollars.They want to make sure the abuser doesn’t offend again,and to send a message that this behavior will not be tolerated in society.
_________________
I am the dust that dances in the light. - Rumi
ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 68
Gender: Male
Posts: 39,637
Location: Long Island, New York
I am a man who was a teenager and young adult in the 70's and 80's and heard other guys constantly talk about females in objectifying and misogynistic ways and who witnessed rampant sexual harassment at the workplace in the 80's. I witnessed and heard these attitudes often used as comic fodder in the movies and rock stars admired for them.
I have no doubt there are people faking being a victim to cash in, and overcorrection is occurring. No Ms. Remerirez should not be automatically believed when by her own admission she was drunk as a skunk that night, and Garrison Keillor should not have fired for being apparently mildly handsy. That will but should not tarnish #MeToo and the basic ideas of these attitudes and behaviors should be out of the mainstream, the assumption that women who are claiming to be victims either asked for it or they should not expose these people or seek justice because that is just the way it was, that men who were or are rapists, sexual assaulters, and sexual harassers should not face consequences because that is just the way it was.
_________________
“Self Acceptance is a process not a performance”
“You are autistic enough. And you always have been”
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity.
kdm1984, apparently you were one of the few young women who were NOT mistreated by an employer. Good for you. I on the other hand did have something upsetting happen to me ... and like so many others, I did not disclose anything. So I am entirely in sympathy with the #metoo movement, women finally learning that they may speak their truth and do so with impunity.
One reason prominent figures, CEOs, celebrities, etc. are being dismissed is that they frequently permitted or promoted a culture enabling sexual predation by more-powerful men against less-powerful women. Ultimately, you need radical change to get rid of that culture. Serendipitously, when men were fired for these reasons, women have often been promoted into their positions - thinking of the shakeup at the Today show when Matt Lauer left as one prominent example. Highly qualified women were long denied the best positions because of institutional misogyny.
I realize that sometimes female bosses take advantage of male workers (and same-sex bosses take advantage of same-sex subordinates) but once the climate changes, I think those cases will also improve. And indeed there have been dismissals of men who preyed on subordinate men - Kevin Spacey being one.
_________________
A finger in every pie.
One reason prominent figures, CEOs, celebrities, etc. are being dismissed is that they frequently permitted or promoted a culture enabling sexual predation by more-powerful men against less-powerful women. Ultimately, you need radical change to get rid of that culture. Serendipitously, when men were fired for these reasons, women have often been promoted into their positions - thinking of the shakeup at the Today show when Matt Lauer left as one prominent example. Highly qualified women were long denied the best positions because of institutional misogyny.
I realize that sometimes female bosses take advantage of male workers (and same-sex bosses take advantage of same-sex subordinates) but once the climate changes, I think those cases will also improve. And indeed there have been dismissals of men who preyed on subordinate men - Kevin Spacey being one.
There were also men who spoke out as victims too, like Terry Crews.
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