If only I could die

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Brianm, I recommend trying medication before suicide. I've found the herbal remedy St John's Wort is quite useful (I know some are skeptic of herbal, I don't advertise because it's herbal, I advertise because it works). What I do is one every few days (when I feel down) because I can feel both complete and happy. It's perfect. You can get it from a supermarket if you don't want others knowing.

I'm taking some stuff called TrueHope right now. It's in the form of a drink. My mind is clearer than it was when I was on my medication for Schitzophrenia and Depresson. One problem is that I can never make anything good enough for myself. I find things that I don't like about it even though others think it's good.

That's good. I find my mind clearer on St John's Wort, and myself happier. I don't take it everyday because I move closer to my inner darkness, makes me feel more complete. But depression makes me feel dead, it's a tough balance to uphold.

I know exactly what you are going through. I survived self harm. I have terrible scars but I have been free for a couple of years now. I don't feel much happier than I did at your age but I have healthier ways to cope. I had a friendship that sounds like yours with Lisa. I can tell you it was a harmful one for me and I am so much better off without it. I thought I was understood, but they were just lying and selfish. I don't really know what to suggest apart from please know that you are not alone. Try to surround yourself with things that make you feel happier and safer. Life is hurtful and long, but it has wonderful moments that make it all worth while. Be safe.

Rose, that sounds like something I'd say to others. I try and help others going through it too, I only feel suicidal sometimes. My inner darkness is only here sometimes, I'm good mostly. Thanks for the comment, I will be safe. And yes Lisa is lying and selfish. And now I have a class with her older sister who hates me (long story there). Explain later for anyone who's interested.

Well, this is definitely where I need to enter.

Zeek, I've been there. I've been in that dark depths of hell. What's worse; I wasn't even diagnosed back then. I had no idea. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 17, on the week of my graduation. What made it worse was that I had an Intermittent Explosive Disorder. That's basically something that gives me a real sh***y temper. I hurt a lot of friends and family. My breaking point was Year 9/Early Year 10, which is exactly where you are right now. After that, I somehow recovered. Generally you get worse when you grow up, but that didn't happen to me. I got better. Oh what am I saying, BS, of course we get better when we grow up.

You have all of us here to talk to. Year 9 is said to be the worst behavioural year for adolescents and I don't disagree. I didn't think I'd get affected by that but by God, I was affected, BIG TIME. Listen, you have support from your family don't you? Open up to them mate. Yes, I know, it's bloody hard, it was hard for me too and even now I struggle, but you've gotta do it. For your sake, for your family's sake.

You're also 15 years old; now that already is a long way coming for you to deal with Aspergers that long. Your family without doubt are so proud of you because you've dealt with it this far. Now, it's time to apply that to yourself; for if family are proud in you, what reason does that give for you to not be proud of yourself of how far you've come now hmm?

Thinking optimistic is not an easy thing, don't get me wrong, but think of what's at stake here. Don't push yourself too hard, that'll stress you out. Just take it easy and stay calm. Listen to music, write stories and the like if you can. Writing down my feelings is the best way there is for me to vent, no matter if it doesn't get shown to anyone, because at least you're releasing your pent up feelings.

This is coming from an 18 year old who's currently studying Diploma of Music. I got through school without being diagnosed and having no idea of what kind of autism I had or IED. If I've got this far, you can too. There were so many times I doubted myself, heck, this week, I had a mental breakdown on my first day of Diploma! But you can't give into your dark demons. They want to see you succumb to the Aspergers and the hardships it gives you. DON'T GIVE IN. KEEP GOING. STRIVE THROUGH.

I'm in a good space right now. Year 11, planning on working hard and my ex-friends sister will be in one of classes. (In year 13 class because of option clashes, doing year 11 work). This will be fun. I've learned to stop looking at the world and just focus on my world and all the good things in it. I understand I have you all here and I appreciate that, all these responses really help me.

Year 9 was my worst year, when my depression came. It's going now. I'm getting better, I feel good so much now. I've learned to deal with being an Aspie and learned socialisation (My friends turn to me for advice about relationships and the like). I've been listening to music, chilling out, forgetting things when at home and just been with people at school. Also one thing, my Aspergers doesn't come up, they both denied I have it. Grandad accepts it now, Nana doesn't. We just don't talk about it.

I will not succumb to the darkness and I'd never commit suicide, even when I want to I won't. I'd hurt too many people. I may be knocked down sometimes but I'm a fighter and nothing can change that.

"I came out of the closet as bisexual"


You're 15. Be careful (as in, give your sexuality some time to settled down, don't say anything you might regret).

I doubt I'll regret it. I've done a lot more with guys than I have with girls, I prefer girls and I admit that. I just was sick of lying about who I was. I know I'll end up married to a girl because I want kids, but I'm not going to hide that other side of me either.