Arrgh, I'm new and feeling low. Hey.

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So I'm quite new here and not sure if I'm an Aspie yet, but it really seems like it. I came here 'cos I was feeling really lonely in trying to find an answer to all my 'social deficits' as my mother would say. I've been quiet all my life and am just getting tested for ASD.

My mother is constantly on my case for 'never behaving right' and seems to think I want a diagnosis just as an excuse. She told me once to just 'stuff everything away and stop acting out'. Now I can't turn to her for anything. I haven't told my friends anything though they notice most of the strange behaviour, and all they do is laugh at me, anyway. I'm pretty much alone in this. When I'm at home I rock myself back-and-forth because it is really comforting but not while my mother's around. She screams at me always to 'sit still'. In public I often unconsciously flap my hand by my side and again it's wrong. That's called stimming, right?

She insists that my taking what people say literally, social cluelessness, inability to say 'hi and 'bye' naturally, blank expressions and inappropriate smiling are caused by me willingly. As if I have a choice to behave this way! Believe me, I've told her I didn't know I couldn't do this or that or I didn't know that person was feeling upset, or I really do dislike talking but she blames me for not wanting to control my own behaviour.

I think I should wait until a diagnosis is made but we've been told it'll take really long. I'm going for a cognitive assessment soon. How can I make my mother understand that I really don't behave like 'an autistic kid' intentionally? I quote a lot of her, I know.
Your Aspie score: 175 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 25 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
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"I'm just different, not broken."

I would recommend getting her read a book on the subject. If she's not the reading type, there are plenty of video lectures on it as well.

Hi, you should make a post in the forum where you say hi and explain who you are.

I'm the 14 year old moron on the forums.

I think ytou are an Aspie.

That isn't true. You can go hide on the other side of the moon, but so long as you can reach out to others in forums like this, you're not alone.

So my first advice is to remind yourself of that every day. Every hour if it helps.

You didn't say, but from the forum you're posting in I'll assume you're in your teens. Every teen, Aspy or not, feels alone and different. For me, realizing there was a name for "people like me" (even though I was past 45 when I found out) was a great relief. I really WAS different. But none of us are alone.

About the diagnosis: that's really only useful if you're going to use the paperwork to get specific help. For example, to get special accommodations at school, or insurance coverage for counseling, or social skills training. But it doesn't sound like your mother's going to change her attitude toward you just because you get a label. And ultimately, you're going to have to reach a working agreement with the rest of the world; once you're grown up and on your own, the neurotypical people around you aren't going to cut you a lot of slack. Although, most of the time a little repetitive motion won't hurt anybody; with a little discretion you can comfort yourself that way almost all the time. People who can't handle that (assuming you're not shaking their desk or making loud noises or something like that) are just jerks. Best not to let on that you know that

So what I do is I study them. Assume they're the aliens, and you need to learn their customs and language. A lot of what they do will seem unreasonable; that's because it is. But it isn't unpredictable. You can do this. They're not better than you. They're just different, and they often don't realize what they're doing that we find weird. For me, a major annoyance is the constant barrage of trivial lies and deceptions which seem to be essential to everyday interactions. They have no idea they're doing it, and again it's usually best not to point it out. DO NOT view yourself as the oddball, at least until you can feel genuine pride in that position, having realized the value of your unique perspective.

Finally, realize that with only minor exceptions you DO have control of your actions. We experience and think about the world differently, and our automatic responses to everyday stimuli are different. But with practice, we can learn to think about how others will respond to our responses, and choose to do something that isn't automatic--if we want a different result.

I don't have any advice to offer but I just wanted to say that I empathize with you. My parents used to tell me that the bullying I got was my own fault and I brought it on myself by insisting on being different all the time. They had no idea just how hard I was trying to be like everyone else! And how much I hated the bullying and tried to find any way to get it to stop!

Sometimes parents have a hard time accepting that a child has autism because they feel like it's a reflection on them. They blame themselves and think it's their fault and wonder what terrible thing they did to cause it. So they start out in denial because they don't want to admit they made a "defective" kid (I do not think you are defective! I'm just saying what some parents think when they first hear that their child could have any kind of autism) and they feel guilty and ashamed and all kinds of other things.

So your mom might be acting out of her own issues and not mean to be so critical and so dismissive of your concerns about asperger's.

I hope things get better for you in your family soon and welcome to WP!

Hello and welcome!

Yeah...you're not alone. At least there is some avenue to learn stuff and to talk to people who can relate to what you are going through. I know about the acting right thing. my mom ALWAYS told me that. I can't even begin to count...

Well, I hope your testing goes ok and you get some answers, whatever they may be. See you around on the forums.

If you're a teenager, I highly recommend Geeks, Freaks, and Asperger's Syndrome if you want more info.

Oh, and welcome to the forum! I hope we can help you to feel less upset!

Thanks guys. My mother's into Special Education actually. She does speech therapy for autistic kids. Nice to know I'm not alone here!

My friend and I have set up a group for Singaporean Aspies to hang out.

http://aspiering.bestoforum.net/forum.htm

http://groups.google.com/group/aspiering