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Silachan
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04 Feb 2011, 10:03 am

Anyone ever felt like their parents just don't understand why something bothers you so much? Or why it's so hard for them to just deal with it and let you do something your own way?

My mom does this to me all the time... She denies anything is "wrong" with me, but how would she know? She's only around me at home and I'm sitting around quietly on the computer drowning everything out.

She does annoying things for me though.. Like if I'm siting there sorting my clothes out in piles (I have to organize them into piles... Jeans, t-shirts, pajama pants, dressy shirts, casual, long sleeves, etc, and all the hangers have to face the same way), my mom will come in and dump more clothes on top of my piles. Or if I ask her to hand me ONE pile, she picks up 3-4 piles and tosses them on the floor, which of course makes me upset and frustrated. :/ And she wonders why I don't like to do chores.

Or she tries to yell at me from across the house to do something, but if I tell her hold on I can't hear you, she continues to yell at me :? Or interrupts me when I'm doing something.

I don't understand adults. :P



missykrissy
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04 Feb 2011, 12:38 pm

it's nice of your mom to wash your clothes for you and to even bring them to you. perhaps she has no place else to put them and doesn't want to hold onto them until you are done your sorting. maybe you shouldn't ask her to help with your chores and she won't do it in a way that you don't like or ask more specifically like "pass me the pajama pants please" instead of asking her for a 'pile'.
don't take this personally but you are living in her house and she has every right to expect you to help out and ask you to do things regardless of if you are already doing something or not. if something needs to be done and she needs help you should be responsible enough to do it. at 19 i probably wouldn't call it chores either, it's more of learning to do things for yourself.
i can't imagine being an adult and expecting my mother to do all these things for me without my help. she may not see what you see about yourself because you aren't openly sharing it with her while you are busy 'drowning it all out' on the computer.
there are a number of things that need to get done in a family home. soon you will be on your own and you will have to be responsible for all of them, you may not even be that far off from starting your own family and then you will understand more of the reasons why parents do the things they do. it's hard to understand at your age and probably for the next few years but it will all make sense soon enough. how many chores do you do around the house? do you work all day? do you come home and have to clean up after others, make them dinner, do their laundry, do the dishes, make sure everyone is ready for the next day and everything that they may need is available? most moms don't even have time to think about themselves they are too busy having to do everything that needs to get done because no one else is going to do it if they don't.
if it really bothers you, perhaps it's time to figure out how to become more independant and not have to relie on her for so much. you are an adult you know. you could always take the option of getting your own place and doing everything for yourself and trying to figure out on your own how to balance everything that needs to be done.



LittleTigger
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04 Feb 2011, 1:53 pm

My dad lived up the street from me before
I moved with my brother and he keept
telling me I can't watch Teletubbies
and Sesame Street like there is some
kind of law that says I can't.

Why< was it just because he paid
for the little bilding and I was paying
him back for it?

Why wood he want me to watch the news
and be miserable and complain about life
all the time? It gave me high blood pressure
and he wood not even help chip in for that
medicine when he was the one causing it.

So I quit watching the stupid news and
went back to watching Teletubbie s and
Sesame Street and blood pressure went
down.

Dad didn't get it, but I did and the doc did.

Doc tried to tell Dad it was stress but dad
just went duhhh on it and said it was some
other stupid thing.

Is this some kind of genetic thing?
Are they suposed to never understand us?

I don't talk to dad a whole lot these days
because I have nothing to talk about except
medical things I am having and bills from
hospital that beed help with.

I call him on phone at crissmas and holidays
and talks about almost nohintng its weird

I don't hate dad but dang i dont know anything
about antiques or accounting, and he never speaks
much of electronics or legos or pokemon so it
is hard to relate.

I should have had someone to help me in
those times but they came up missing and
then there was a radiation leak at the missile
tube and it just skrude everything up, I think
that is one reason I am like this. amongst many
others.


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LittleTigger
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04 Feb 2011, 2:03 pm

missykrissy wrote:
expect you to help out and ask you to do things regardless of if you are already doing something or not.


I thought she was trying to do chores already
and her mum was making them too hard or
interfering, but I could be off.

That is the way I inderstanded it.

I have edended up grabbing in empty air over and over
stuck in a loop until (I was told) mum put the item
in my paws.

I get stuck in loops if I cannot reach something
because it was knocked down or did not get to
my paws for some reason. And I have to have
someone put it there for me, I don't remember
this, but I'm told they have to put it there becuzz
I get stuck in a loop grabbing for it.

I tried to do the same thing you did but mum
told me I just sat there grabbing in empty air,
my systems expected it to be closer maybe?

She cood not get communications with me after
I got stuck and she had to complete the sequence
with me before I broke out of the loop.


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When society stops expecting
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stop disappointing them.


Silachan
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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04 Feb 2011, 5:05 pm

missykrissy wrote:
it's nice of your mom to wash your clothes for you and to even bring them to you. perhaps she has no place else to put them and doesn't want to hold onto them until you are done your sorting. maybe you shouldn't ask her to help with your chores and she won't do it in a way that you don't like or ask more specifically like "pass me the pajama pants please" instead of asking her for a 'pile'.
don't take this personally but you are living in her house and she has every right to expect you to help out and ask you to do things regardless of if you are already doing something or not. if something needs to be done and she needs help you should be responsible enough to do it. at 19 i probably wouldn't call it chores either, it's more of learning to do things for yourself.
i can't imagine being an adult and expecting my mother to do all these things for me without my help. she may not see what you see about yourself because you aren't openly sharing it with her while you are busy 'drowning it all out' on the computer.
there are a number of things that need to get done in a family home. soon you will be on your own and you will have to be responsible for all of them, you may not even be that far off from starting your own family and then you will understand more of the reasons why parents do the things they do. it's hard to understand at your age and probably for the next few years but it will all make sense soon enough. how many chores do you do around the house? do you work all day? do you come home and have to clean up after others, make them dinner, do their laundry, do the dishes, make sure everyone is ready for the next day and everything that they may need is available? most moms don't even have time to think about themselves they are too busy having to do everything that needs to get done because no one else is going to do it if they don't.
if it really bothers you, perhaps it's time to figure out how to become more independant and not have to relie on her for so much. you are an adult you know. you could always take the option of getting your own place and doing everything for yourself and trying to figure out on your own how to balance everything that needs to be done.


Actually, I washed them and took that load out of the dryer myself, but she washed another load that had her clothes in it (I won't let her wash my clothes because she mixes them with her work clothes, and then my clothes smell like old grease.. ). She came into the room and just looked at me while I was putting things into piles, so I had asked her to hand me a specific pile: The pajama pants pile to the left of the laptop. She wasn't holding them as if she had brought them from the laundry room, she picked up multiple of my piles and dumped them all together. To me that said 'I see your piling is useless, just do this instead'. Maybe I read it wrong.

I would live on my own gladly, if I wasn't a college student and people were hiring around here. I'm going to college and because my college doesn't have dorms, my mom agreed to let me stay here free.

My mom doesn't really do any chores or housework. Maybe once or twice a week she'll cook, and leave the dishes to me or my bf. (I have him do them because I can't stand the feel of it all, it drives me up the wall). I vacuum the house every week even though it hurts my ears and I get overloaded from it. I take care of the dogs too...

I've tried to share about myself, but she shrugs it off. I tried bringing it up to her one day "Mom I'm struggling really bad in school with _____ because of ______, is there a way I can try to get some help from it?" but she just shrugs it off and it says to me that I'm overreacting, or that she doesn't care.

I also do cook during the week, my bf and my mom just prefer me not to because I burn everything. :P my skills lay in baking, not cooking. x3



missykrissy
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04 Feb 2011, 7:56 pm

well if that's the case then your mom is weird. sorry for thinking what i did. i just see alot of teens complaining about their parents while they seem to think they should do whatever they want and let the parent pick up the slack because they are the parent. there must be some reason why your mom is the way she is. perhaps she herself is unstable or has AS herself and has trained herself to hide it so she can denie it and be 'normal'. she could possibly feel uncomfortable because she can't control it and thinks her way would just be easier for you when it clearly isn't.
my parents never really understood me either. i went to college and then couldn't find work right after so i went on disability, which i'm still on. for years i was chastised for this by my family. the times when i did get a job i could not hold it down because i can't deal well with being ordered around or trying to run on systems that aren't working as they should. so i stay on disability and have become a stay at home mom raising 4 kids, 2 with diagnosis on the spectrum so far. i have and always will be the black sheep of the family because i'm not working. the funny thing is that my mom is now doing exactly what i'm doing and what she pushed me away for doing.
hopefully you will do well in college and become independant once that is done. have you considered applying for disability? it is enough to pay rent on a small place and get by on as long as you are getting loans or scholarships or something to pay your tuition. i know i left home as soon as i possibly could because i needed things to be done my way.



Asp-Z
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05 Feb 2011, 4:56 am

My mum is often like that, too. She never says there's nothing wrong with me, though, but she does act that way whenever I tell her I have difficulty with something because of my Asperger's, and she just thinks I'm being stupid. And, yes, I also don't get why she can't just let me do things my own way and be happy with it.



Vannah
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05 Feb 2011, 7:23 am

My mum is like that to. The way I see it there are 2 things impeding her understanding; firstly, she can't seem to take the fact that she has problems/difficulties/issues whatever and apply that out to other people. She knows logically that others have problems but she doesn't feel it I don't think, or apply it. I don't know if she has a sense of empathy at all. Hm.
And secondly, she can't seem to take the fact that she knows I have difficulty in some areas and because of my ASD and not others. That or she doesn't believe that the ASD is causing my difficulty when it is. For example I have difficulty dealing with people on the phone for a few reasons, all of those reasons can be traced to my ASD. My mum chooses to believe that it actually stems from me being immature about it. And will say "how can you expect me to let you go stay with your friend for a week when you're not even grown up enough to call to order pizza?" ...Because it's NOT the same thing!!
I watched a really good youtube video dealing with that whole "if you can do X why can't you do Y" actually, and the brilliant example she gave was "if you can see and correctly identify a colour, why can't you hear and correctly identify a pitch?" - obviously come people can, but most can't without at least a relative pitch. And it's the same principle of identifying a frequency, so why can't you do it??? Bacaaauuuse it's just not the same!!

Ramble.

Basically I just accept that my mother will not understand me and never expect her to. I mean I try to explain myself if she gives me a chance and it's frustrating but I try to be understanding of the reasons why she finds it hard and accept that that's just how it is. Which is what I'd want from her :P


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daedal
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15 Feb 2011, 1:05 pm

My parents understand me very well in some areas, like typical teenagery stuff. Come on, they went through it all, give them a little credit. Plus they're NT- you're their child, they can read you like a bliddy book. My parents know me very well.
There are some things which I can't elucidate clearly enough for them to understand, though, Aspie stuff and feelings stuff.
They don't really know much about Aspergers, although they're definitely trying (they're two of the most caring parents I know), and at first they weren't willing to consider the idea much. I really tried hard to explain how I was feeling and I wrote up all the stuff I knew about Aspergers until I could just say it to them. Now they're more open to the idea.