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CaliforniaSh33p
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31 May 2012, 1:17 pm

I really want to tell them. But my mum said I shouldn't... But at the same time, when I mess up or act weirid. I WANT them to know why I rock and WHY I don't understand that joke etc... I'm Pro diagnosed. Kind of. Well my pshycologist said I was "Wired Differently" and on the Aspie/Autistic borderline and could be on the spectrum. But I WANT to tell them... But how and when? :? :? :?



questor
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31 May 2012, 2:15 pm

Personal ID info, financial info, and medical info should be kept on a need-to-know basis. Your friends don't need to know this. They are not likely to know much about Autism spectrum disorders, and are likely to have negative misconceptions about it, even if they have heard about it. Telling them would therefore not be helpful. Instead of telling them you have an Autism spectrum disorder, instead tell them that you have trouble with whatever the specific problem is, like making eye contact, or reading facial expressions, or don't handle loud noises well, etc. They don't need to know why you have these problems, just that you do, if it is affecting your interactions with them. If you have a problem with touching, you might want to keep quiet about that one. Some people think it's great fun to tease others about such problems. If you are sensitive about touching, hugging, etc. someone might get their jollies by constantly trying to touch you. The same can happen with other Autism traits you have, so it really is best not to tell people more than they need to know, as some of them may use this info against you. Even if all your friends are nice, they may say something about your problems in the hearing of someone who isn't so nice, who may then prey upon you with bullying behavior. So keep private info private. Your parents are right about this--they are trying to protect you from bullies, and from people thinking you are ret*d or mentally ill. Unfortunately, some people think Autism spectrum disorders are a form of retardation. They are not, but occasionally retardation does occur as a co-morbid with Autism. Also, some people with Autism do act very strange at times. Although we have a neurological problem with our brain wiring, that in itself is not a mental illness.

So don't be in a hurry to spread the word on yourself. There is no reason to expose yourself to potential bullies and misunderstandings by ill informed people. Now go and have a good life. :D


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CaliforniaSh33p
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31 May 2012, 2:51 pm

Thanks questor, In actual fact, I'm extremely sensitive to touch. One friend kept jabbing me with a pen in class which made me jump and go "ah" or something. so I told them to please stop it... She did it again and I snapped back and told her to stop it... She stopped and I told her I that I was sensitive to touch... So she doesn't do it anymore.

I told my best friend... She understands these kinds of things. I think I'm going to go with your advice... Questor! =D



CaliforniaSh33p
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31 May 2012, 2:53 pm

Thanks questor, In actual fact, I'm extremely sensitive to touch. One friend kept jabbing me with a pen in class which made me jump and go "ah" or something. so I told them to please stop it... She did it again and I snapped back and told her to stop it... She stopped and I told her I that I was sensitive to touch... So she doesn't do it anymore.

I told my best friend... She understands these kinds of things. I think I'm going to go with your advice... Questor! =D



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31 May 2012, 3:23 pm

Wow! I am really surprised your parents thought this way, my advice is to use your own general judgment, if you think you can trust them with the truth then tell them, all my close friends know and my thoughts have always been once someone knows you well they don't care because by that point to them you are just you. I have been known to surprise people when telling them I have aspergers in a good way because they had no idea people like me could be so 'normal' I think it makes the friends who have no knowledge much more accepting of who you, and who other people, are. If my best friend didn't know I'd be totally lost! Becaus she understands me she can explain things to me.
Of course it is up to you and I'd be sure that your friends ate real friends before going ahead with telling them stuff, I have never had any negative outcomes from telling people my way, although it is nerve wracking to just say to someone you have any type of abnormality, trust me I happen to have done this as much as once a month, but it seems better in the long run.


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CaliforniaSh33p
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31 May 2012, 3:39 pm

Hey pixie, Yes I'll tell those I'm certain will stick by me through thick and through thin... Thanks Pixie!! ! =)



MakaylaTheAspie
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31 May 2012, 3:42 pm

It's your mind, not your parents. You tell who you think needs to know. Don't tell EVERYONE, mind you, just people you know won't turn against your or blame something you do on Asperger's/Autism.

For example: I'd tell my closest friends who I see even outside of school. In my opinion, they need to know.


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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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31 May 2012, 4:52 pm

questor wrote:
. . . tell them that you have trouble with whatever the specific problem is, like making eye contact, or reading facial expressions, or don't handle loud noises well, etc. They don't need to know why you have these problems, just that you do, if it is affecting your interactions with them. If you have a problem with touching, you might want to keep quiet about that one. Some people think it's great fun to tease others about such problems. If you are sensitive about touching, hugging, etc. someone might get their jollies by constantly trying to touch you. The same can happen with other Autism traits you have, so it really is best not to tell people more than they need to know, as some of them may use this info against you. . .

This is a very good first step, and then you can see how they react. And also give yourself a day or two and see how you feel about having told the person.

Then you can kind of see if and when it might feel right to tell this person more. And please trust your 'gut instincts' (right-brain feel and texture) about this.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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31 May 2012, 5:06 pm

CaliforniaSh33p wrote:
. . . I was "Wired Differently" and on the Aspie/Autistic borderline and could be on the spectrum. But I WANT to tell them... But how and when? :? :? :?

This might almost be the best of all possible worlds!

Okay, you know about giving people information in bite-sized pieces and keeping it short and sweet, right? even if they're interested, and letting this topic coming to a gracious conclusion just like every other topic. Perhaps to talk about another time, but just not every time.

So, you want them to know that it's a spectrum, and that every person on the spectrum is an individual.

And you might even tell them, I'm either on the spectrum or about as close as you can come without actually being on it. And having the skills of a 'bridge person' probably is something which would help you coach others here at WP from time to time, and with a nice light touch.

Now, occasionally they might make fun of 'lower'-functioning persons as a awkward way to bond with you. And if you matter-of-factly say a single sentence like, Now, they're people too with their own talents, that will usually pull them up short and let them know such making fun of is not so cool.



bcousins
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31 May 2012, 6:21 pm

MakaylaTheAspie wrote:
It's your mind, not your parents. You tell who you think needs to know. Don't tell EVERYONE, mind you, just people you know won't turn against your or blame something you do on Asperger's/Autism.


This -

I moderate a few successful communities and own one of my own. I have NT friends that have turned on me. I have NT friends that grin and bear it.

Nonetheless - Whatever you do - Dont get upset if people arent interested in your interests.

Ben


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31 May 2012, 7:08 pm

I'm with most of the people around. You didn't tell the girl that you had Aspergers, just told her about your sensory issues, and that was pretty smart. Only my best friend knows I have aspergers, the rest just think I'm a bit kirky, and I'm fine that way. If I told people in general, I don't fear rejection (if that's the issue then I wouldn't want to hang out with them anyway) as much as being given special treatment because of my condition, would you like your friends to explain to you every joke, and whenever you mess up get all serious and look at each other instead of just laughing it off?


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CaliforniaSh33p
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01 Jun 2012, 2:05 am

Shatbat wrote:
I'm with most of the people around. You didn't tell the girl that you had Aspergers, just told her about your sensory issues, and that was pretty smart. Only my best friend knows I have aspergers, the rest just think I'm a bit kirky, and I'm fine that way. If I told people in general, I don't fear rejection (if that's the issue then I wouldn't want to hang out with them anyway) as much as being given special treatment because of my condition, would you like your friends to explain to you every joke, and whenever you mess up get all serious and look at each other instead of just laughing it off?


Ha ha! Thanks everyone! =) I'll just keep saying: "Please don't jab me with a pen!" or: "I don't like the taste of that... I'm a fussy eater!" or "I don't understand that kind of joke... I think they're pretty pointless!" etc etc! =) Thanks everyone! =)



fluffypinkyellow
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01 Jun 2012, 6:17 am

I'm dealing with the same issue at the moment, and my parents also think I shouldn't tell people. .

For me, I prefer for people to get to know me a bit before they know. If someone knows straight away about my autism, they can get pretty condescending and freak out thinking I can't talk to anyone, or that they need to repeat everything slowly to me. This is kind of awkward for me. Whereas if people know me on a personal level, they have less preconceptions about the way they should treat me.

I tend to just drop it into casual conversation like, "I find xyz awkward, probably because I'm autistic". Then people are like "OMG REALLY YOU ARE AUTISTIC HOW COME YOU NEVER TOLD ME BEFOOOORE?????" But insofar as possible, I want to avoid a Big Coming Out event. People tend to see it as a Big Thing anyway. Oh well.

I also find it's helpful when people know that there is a name for the difficulties I face, that it's an actual condition, and I'm not just acting up on purpose. That's a huge relief when I tell people. Often people think I'm being weird or socially awkward on purpose, but when they know about autism, it makes life a lot easier.



CaliforniaSh33p
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01 Jun 2012, 10:17 am

fluffypinkyellow wrote:
I'm dealing with the same issue at the moment, and my parents also think I shouldn't tell people. .

For me, I prefer for people to get to know me a bit before they know. If someone knows straight away about my autism, they can get pretty condescending and freak out thinking I can't talk to anyone, or that they need to repeat everything slowly to me. This is kind of awkward for me. Whereas if people know me on a personal level, they have less preconceptions about the way they should treat me.

I tend to just drop it into casual conversation like, "I find xyz awkward, probably because I'm autistic". Then people are like "OMG REALLY YOU ARE AUTISTIC HOW COME YOU NEVER TOLD ME BEFOOOORE?????" But insofar as possible, I want to avoid a Big Coming Out event. People tend to see it as a Big Thing anyway. Oh well.

I also find it's helpful when people know that there is a name for the difficulties I face, that it's an actual condition, and I'm not just acting up on purpose. That's a huge relief when I tell people. Often people think I'm being weird or socially awkward on purpose, but when they know about autism, it makes life a lot easier.


I'm also skeptic about telling a friend who has a little sister. Who has classic (or HFA) autism. I'm one of those: "No, Way! Your not autistic!" Kinds. The ones that have it mild some days, strong on the others. I can be socially awrkward. Taking things literally and Not being able to "read between the lines!!" so some of the kids I know think i'm pretty dumb because of it...

I'm glad to meet you all! Its good to know someones in the same shoes as me... I have these moments where i'm desprate to tell someone but its hard. I wish people would research it to know more about it!! ! Everyone at school thinks i'm weirid. I have no idea what i've actually done to earn that title!! ! =/ Like today, i was desprate to say: "Lighten up, i have aspergers and it just doesn't come as easy!" But... =/ I didn't! Oh well... Such as life!