Unrealistic Rage and Anxiety

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Still haven't quite figured out where to put everything accordingly yet, so I hope someone feels free to move this if need be.

Anyway, lately it seems as tho my rage has gotten worse and my anxiety has gotten worse as well. Only thing about the anxiety is that ridiculous and silly things seem to trigger it until it gets to an uncomfortable point.

Earlier today, I went for a walk with my dad around 4-5 PM. It was still bright out, and I'm usually hypersensitive to heat. I despise it and hate being in it at all times almost, whether it's inside or outside. Nothing out of the ordinary ever happens, it's just something that I find extremely bothersome and draining. But anyway, I wound up thinking about how annoyed I was about the heat and how terrible it felt. After about 10-15 minutes of doing this I let my mind wander elsewhere in hopes of getting it away from the ridiculous heat. My mind was like a game of ping pong, back and forth between thoughts.....pretty normal for me....Until I hit one thought about the heat that seemed to be the trigger point of my anxiety. (I tend to be extremely paranoid of certain things happening even though they never do). By time we were halfway done, I almost had to stop to catch my breath because it was getting unbearable (the anxiety, not the heat) I never used to be bothered to this point, I feel like the older I get, (I'm 20 now) the worse I get. I can't go for a care-free walk with a parent without my anxiety deciding to stick its nose into my business? What gives? This is just one occasion though, point being is that stupid, random, or silly and unrelated topics in my head seem to trigger it sometimes (as well as the usual more negative thoughts that would typically trigger it). I have things I usually do to help keep it under control, but.....I feel like I'm stuck in a prison with everything, and this is something I feel like I actually have a possibility in learning to handle right now. My rage and anxiety seem to "intertwine" now. Now when I get really angry, my anxiety seems to be right there holding my rage's hand....skipping merrily down the street together.....*Grabs a rock to throw at them*

What usually causes my rage? Numerous things, too many to count. One common firestarter for it though is conversation openers or certain greetings. I.E. "How are you?" "How's your day?" You know if I wanted the person asking me to know then I'd be talking about that stuff, but it just feels stupidly fake to me. I don't wanna tell someone "how I am" or "how my day's going" just because they ask. It feels invasive and annoying. It drives me up a wall everytime someone asks, to the point where I sit there dwelling and dwelling till I wanna grab them by the neck and scream in their face (the whole process usually takes about 5-10 seconds literally). Plus, lately I just feel like I've become fed up with certain people and certain aspects of the world. Being asked how I am several times a day from these people (yup, it's really several times...Sometimes 4-6, I've counted). I have other issues going on in my life right now, so it doesn't help when I ask people to stop asking me that and they end up doing it anyway. Feels disrespectful when they do that. I never know what to say anyway, so I just say "good" to get them off my back. It really irks me because I wish I could say my life or day was going well at the moment and things were happening for me the way I want them to. Everytime someone asks me how I am, it brings those unpleasant thoughts to the forefront of my mind so I'm reminded of them yet again for the nine thousandth time of the day. I spend a greater portion of my day just dwelling on what bothers me about people and how bad I just wanna scream at them at the top of my lungs to get my point across. Scream and blow their hair back like a cartoon character. Does anyone else have these or similar issues? If so, what the heck do you even do? I'm working my ass off to handle these, but I'm getting overwhelmed day after day with most of them. I try and think pleasant things, listen to music, think loving thoughts, imaginative techniques, and other things I'm probably forgetting at the moment, but they still don't take away that knot in my stomach and the incredible urge to just let go and scream at them. That's what I wanna do more than anything, I've grown tired of the whole "forgive others" thing. It's a rule I live my life by, but I'm not able to apply it at the moment and I don't know what else to do. Does anyone have any unique ways of handling their rage or anxiety?

I've tried a thousand things, and nothing worked except for martial arts. If I stop for a month or two, I become exactly what you describe, and keep falling deeper and deeper into that hole. I simply "forget" how I am supposed to BE.

Martial arts is what brings me to NT-level of normalcy. Suddenly, the commotion in my head just goes silent. I can hear myself think again. I can experience joy from regular everyday activities and interactions. To me, martial arts are life itself - because they give me back my life.

You cannot fight your mind with your mind. Some people can, through meditation, but that didn't work for me and I don't think it will work for you. When your mind's f****d up, you need to use the body to lead the mind. This works on subconscious level, reshaping how your brain processes information.

I hear ya, I do Muay Thai. I used to go out and practice for a while several days throughout the week after I got up and had coffee, but the heat's made it impossible lately. I miss it though. I still do weight training 3 days a week though as well, and I never slack with that.

Weight training is not the same. You need something where you interact with other people physically. Actually maybe Muai Thai isn't the best art to take if you experience rage problems - it depends on whether it really "vents you out" and calms you down as result, or just makes you more frustrated when you lose.

There are calmer arts out there, and activities such as dancing. Your ability to kick someone's ass on cue is less important than your sanity in long-term. Just sayin'

No I know it's not, but I'm saying it's better than nothing considering I feel good when I'm done. Muay Thai actually does the same for me, tho I do always tell myself that I don't do it for the purpose of kicking someone's ass, but because I enjoy it and that's it. I also did Taiji (Tai Chi) for 4 years and I still practice to this day. Maybe that's what you're referring to as far as calmer arts go?