Do you do your best at developping your friendships?

Post Reply New Topic

I've been really frustrated lately about desperately waiting for change in my life and it not happening. I was getting really depressed. I was really thinking that because of my disabilities, having friends who I could ever feel close to was impossible because I always felt so misunderstood and distant.
Today was a good day. Today after school I was with a couple friends and then the one who never used to like me but I really wanted to be friends with (which really upset me. Ssshhh...don't tell her). Then she left us. So I spent many hours with my other friend and we played games and stuff and then for the first time ever we actually had an indepth talk about her problems and the things she was upset about (I found out for the first time that her ex who's an old friend of mine really did so much for her and she dumped him for things he didn't mean. He was just a shy and awkward guy who probably got nervous and didn't know what to do. I found out she's even seen him cry (aww...I know). I felt so bad for him I so I told her it was kind of her fault.)
So anyway I feel so inspired now. I love all my friends and my disabilities don't make it not worth trying. I find it easier when they know about my disabilities (not just like "I have AS "but" also what it's like for me on an emotional level too.)

Hi. I read your post and I thought it was really thoughtful, so I wanted to get your take something thats going on with me. I don't have Aspergers myself, but I'm having trouble relating to my roommate, and I was talking with my mother and she speculated that he might have Aspergers (I hope "have aspergers" is an acceptable phrase). I'll describe him. He walks very quickly whenever he does anything and he is very methodical. He doesn't talk much, he's very on top of his school work, he has a strong interest in classical music especially contemporary composers. His favorite is Stockhausen.
He doesn't talk a lot, but that means that I also haven't talked a lot either and mostly what we have talked about this week has been his music, which he showed me a couple times, and minor logistical things. I try to say things every once in a while but I never feel like we're really connecting. Part of the problem is that I'm sort of insecure sometimes. Its maybe too important to me to be liked by people in my life. Also, people have to do a lot for me to not like them, which isn't really a bad thing.
I can carry on a relationship if my relation is putting a lot of effort into it, but if I don't feel that way or if I'm getting a small amount of input, or signals I don't understand, then I become a nervous tentative guy who's always guessing at what the other person might think and fearing the worst. I talked most to him on the first day and I feel like he doesn't care about what I'm interested in, like he is sort of self absorbed because I didn't get much input when I talked about things that he wasn't directly interested in. I feel like I should make more of an effort, but I don't because I fear that I will just annoy him or that he won't care and feel like I'm putting him on the spot or feel like he has to make a response. The problem is, I'm acting exactly like he is because I fall into patterns when I'm uncomfortable with someone. I just don't know what to say or if he even cares or if silence is ok for us or what. The reason I'm curious about Aspergers is because if he doesn't have it then I think either he really doesn't care to interact or he is just as insecure as I am and we are feeding into each other. Or if he does have it I wonder if maybe we just don't understand each others' communication? Thank you so much. I just want to have an understanding with my roommate.

Sometimes I can't stand being around people a socializing is just way too hard to be any fun. That doesn't mean the isolation of not feeling close to anyone or having anyone I can relate too doesn't suck. If he's anything like me you should really try and help him as fast as possible. No matter what he seems like socially disfunctional people are more misunderstood than anyone.

Very inspiring.

About the roommate, I wouldn't worry too much about the feeling that you're imposing on him... If you want to talk to him, talk to him. I'm generally that same way you described - it takes a lot for me to decide that I don't like someone. Talking more may uncover that he actually is AS or it may uncover something else... if it becomes a problem then you should be able to request a different roommate from your college. If not then you'll have hopefully resolved your discomfort with not connecting.