Am I cured or just better at pretending?

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The 'Would I be considered an Aspie?' thread reminded me of this old question I'd forgotten about, but I felt it deserved it's own thread.

I spent 5 years at a special needs school which gave me lots of speech and language therapy as well as teaching me normal school subjects like history and science. In addition, because of the wide range of problems at that school, I learned how to cope with lots of different personalities. Even at Primary School I was sociable, although it was hard because I had a limited number of friends who could cope with my weirdness, or at least I assume that's why it was hard for me to get many. That wasn't such a problem at my special needs school, because everyone was weird in some way or another and I was much more successful at making more friends. I also showed many of the classic traits of Asperger's, which included social mistakes like telling my orchestral conductor I thought he was mumbling because I couldn't hear what he said. I've always been good with words. Of course, when I was about 9 or 10 I was diagnosed.

The thing is, mostly thanks to the speech therapy, I'm pretty good at socialising now and I don't make many of the social mistakes I used to. I'm much less literal than I used to be and I can handle idioms without a problem. In fact, I'm so good that nobody thinks I have AS unless I do say something silly (it does still happen occasionally). I took the internet aspie test, but the results are skewed because of how I've learned to behave. There are of course a few things that make me different - I can be an absolute perfectionist at times and have been known to buy things in the hope it will make me fit in a bit better, even though finding friends isn't usually difficult. Sometimes I can get really interested in the nitty-gritty of things: the exact height of the world's highest vertical loop on a rollercoaster, for instance (179.6 feet, on 'Chang' at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom, for the curious). I think my sense of humour can be a little different too (not in a bad way) and people seem to like the occasional bizarreness when it shows itself. Nevertheless, the fact remains that sometimes I just want to stop being like this, and I wonder if I've forgotten what it's like to be an aspie. There are things I want to do and say but can't because socially it wouldn't be acceptable under any circumstances - nothing rude, just...odd for my age, etc. Inside I'll always be different, however hard I try. It does hurt, but I try not to think about it. Maybe my NT friends do see right through me but just haven't said it for whatever reason.

It's also now much harder for me to know how to handle aspies and people with other learning/behavioural difficulties than it used to be, perhaps because I understand the social rules of NT's much better and am used to living within those boundaries. I find that fact quite unfortunate and somewhat shameful, since being able to handle people like that is no bad thing at all. I have a constant desire to make others happy and be friends with as many people as possible. Somebody has to befriend the lonely and the rejected. However, I do know I have come a long way towards normality, and for that I am grateful. Life is so much easier, no doubt about it.

So, what do you all think? Am I just much better at faking normality, or am I almost worth considering as 'cured'?

P.S. This is my first post on the forum, in case I've done something silly.

EDIT: Since I admit to having bits of both Aspie and NT, perhaps I am somewhere in between? Maybe I've already answered my main question...

There is no cure for Asperger's Syndrome. You still have it; you have just learned about the social rules and internalized them. Do you have sensory problems, panic attacks, or something else that goes with being an Aspie? Maybe you've gotten better at the social things that other people can see but not your internal things.
There is another possibility; you may not have had Asperger's Syndrome in the first place and you could have just been misdiagnosed because you were weird. I doubt it, though, since you were in a special needs school.
In any case, I think you're the same as you've always been, even if your behavior has changed. Don't worry; you haven't undergone some radical biochemical change.

P.S. You're GRATEFUL for being more normal?!

Just because you're better at (figuratively) hopping on one leg all day to interface with the NTs, doesn't mean it isn't your natural way to walk on both feet. Practicing a skill assiduously for a long period of time will lead to getting good at it and even doing it without having to think about it once you've mastered the rules of the game, but it's still a game we all have to try to play. Not everyone is as talented at the game.

I have to think of the Little Mermaid who got her feet and danced beautifully, but for who it was walking on shards of glass. It sounds like in your case it isn't painful like that, but it's still not behaving in your natural way.

I have a job where I have to interact with the public all day in a friendly, helpful and professional manner. I'm actually pretty good at it and customers seem to like me. I've been doing it for 19 years and it's still like walking on razors.

I must side with the consensus - you absorb behaviors over time that make it easier to assimilate, but one is never 'cured'. Brain dysfunctions do not just 'clear up' over time, like a complexion problem. Look deep - if the Aspie was ever truly in you, you'll find it again.

Whether you want to or not.

Just because you learned French to the extent of being fluent, it doesn't mean you are French.

So I'm still stuck as an aspie. Oh well!

deeedoo: I don't think her diagnosis was wrong at all. I was the classic aspie as far as I remember and have heard: problems with idiomatic speech; getting intensely interested in the most unusual things; struggling to socialise because somehow everyone else's 'rules' weren't the same as mine; getting upset when others did illogical things; not noticing when the 'rules' had changed (this being one of the tests for my diagnosis). All of that reeks of asperger.

Yes, I am GRATEFUL for being more NT now, or at least better at faking it: life in general is easier as other people can handle me and I can handle them. It's helpful others don't consider me an aspie as soon as we meet, and I won't generally tell people anyway. It's kinda embarrassing to admit it. I am curious though: why are you surprised I feel grateful?


Polgara: I have just started work at a Theme Park for the season. I really like it though because I get all the social interaction I naturally crave, and I am entertaining and giving others a good time as well. The only time 'the [social] game' gets awkward is when I want to crawl back into a shell, or do something totally different. I'm so used to convincingly playing the game that I fret about what people will think. It's not that the way others perceive me is false, just that (I think...) it's a more acceptable form of the reality, and judging by people's reactions to this topic perhaps it's got to the point where I'm fooling myself as well as them.

I dunno. I'm confused. *shrugs*

I've gotten way better at pretending. I make a first impression of being way more normal than I used to and my social skills have developped to a point where I'd never be able to tell I ever had impaired social skills. It's normal for aspies.

There's really no cure for Asperger's, some people are just better at faking it then others. Also, AS doesn't effect everyone the same way, so some people may have less of a problem making friends and socializing then others. Also, Chang, at Kentucky Kingdom-best roller coaster in the world man.

Thanks for all your answers: this question had bugged me for a while. For now the faking 'works' but perhaps one day I'll be able to let go a little and see where it takes me!

P.S. This is a very different kind of forum to stumble upon, in a nice way

I wouldn't say there is a cure for AS, but I'm certain a lot of the symptoms can be overcome...e.g. panick attacks, at least for certain phobias. Also - anger problems etc. can all at least improve.

I had speech and language difficulties too, and had speech and language therapy.

I don't see why anyone should be ashamed of appearing NT. NTs aren't evil! A lot of them aren't bad people either, they just don't understand.

If you've overcome a lot of your symptoms CrinklyCrustacean, then good for you. IMO trying to see if you can change is a far better attitude than "I won't change for anybody". People have to change a little bit in order to get along, to make others feel the least uncomfortable. It isn't a bad thing to change the way you express yourself to make people more comfortable around you.