Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Dear Lunchbox Forums,

Most of you are all a**holes, all you do is flame and talk about each other like the bunch of high school emo c***s you are. You suck, your eating disorders will probably kill a percentage of you anyhow and you won't be missed. f**k you lunchbox.

Dear every single Youtube and Myspace "celebrity,"

You are why the terrorists hate us.

Dear ChristinaCSB,

Wow. You really need either:
A) Anger management classes.
B) A good lay.
C) To unclench.

Seriously, that much anger can't be healthy. I suggest looking into therapy?
Take care of yourself!

xo,
A Concerned Friend.

Hmm you only have one post, why are you attacking me? Do I not have a right to vent here? Jesus f**k.

Dear J,

I know that the cows are flocking all against you and the bananas are the eve of war but you must fight on. Curse the puddle and all its ways...it knows not of what you know. Soon comes the rainstorm and then comes the wind...hopefully. Remember that the flamingos soon die off and out comes the light. Fret not for conversational matters and realize that symphonies take composition and strength(well good ones, anyway). Smile for what is and not what is not.

Sincerely,
J

classmates,

just shut up! I am sick and tired of your fscking noise level in class. I am sick and tired of the way you are treating me and disrespect every single thing, which I say.

~*ca

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Dear Ma,

Please accept when I need silence and DON'T FSCKING ANNOY ME TO A POINT OF MAKING ME WANT TO SCREAM!! !! I FSCKING HAD A MELTDOWN IN CLASS AND ALL YOU DO IS SPOUT GARBAGE! Don't go here ever again!

~LiE

Dear T.

Stop making it a huge deal when I eat school lunch.
I may laugh it away, but it still hurts.

Dad,

STFU! I am sick and tired of the way you treat me and Ma! I do not want to hear your shouting! No more! You're the worst lifeform, I ever had the misfortune to meet!

~LiE

Dear JDH
I wish the hell you would just lay it all out and tell me how it is and how you feel and what
to expect from you so we both can come to an understanding of each other over the years
and where we stand, just get it to hell over with, and if your not shure of some things say
that as well.

Dear [.],

You'll never read this, or know the reason why I write... but I am sorry. All those years ago, I failed to live up to the expectations I have for others; that is a capital sin in my world, and that so much time passed before the realization hit is something that will remain a question in my mind for some time. What surprises me more is that while the principle bothers me greatly, and would myself be devastated if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't change what happened. Can't believe I would ever even say that - but I only regret the transgression, not what happened or the results. So many years later, we've learned to dislike each other for other reasons, and both of our feelings are valid... just wish things could have happened, all the same yet differently.


M.

Dear Passport Office,

Your forms have driven my mum and I temporarily insane. They make no f***ing sense. It would be helpful if you could enclose all of the information that you're supposed to, and if the information you do send doesn't repeatedly contradict itself or the website. In fact, it would be great if the information you provide didn't contradict itself at all. Also, it may be helpful if you labelled things clearly ie. If it says 'refer to Note 1' on the form, the corresponding note in the leaflet should actually be called 'Note 1' and not 'Section 1' or anything else you may feel like calling it.
Lastly, you're completely f***ing paranoid. You do not need to interview me. You have no reason to suspect I'm not who I say I am. You do not need to see my birth certificate, particularly as you've seen it already.

yours sincerely,
Kajjie.

PS. If you send back the forms because we've filled them in incorrectly, I will ring you up and scream at you. I don't care if this costs me 8p per minute. As far as I'm concerned, that's just another thing to scream at you about, and it's well worth it.

Dear WP,

Why so much drama today?

Dear mystery person with the green van that is always parked outside my school,

In case you hadn't heard, there is an unspoken rule that says that one may only have one bumper sticker per cause. You are pro-life. You have two bumper stickers and a "CHOOSE LIFE" license plate that inform everyone who gets stuck driving behind you of this. A single bumper sticker would be sufficient to encourage everyone to "save the baby humans." Three is not a statement. Three is tacky. Even people who agree with you may be unnerved by it.

Kisses,
Moi

You are the only person I have met worth spending time with.