scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-10 I feel like I'm out of control and today will be the anniversary of a family member's death. I wish I could just get a drink and not worry about the consequences.

8. St. John's Wort is working. I feel like there's now a healthy and normal resistance to my previous sudden bouts of depression. My mood is now directable by me. I'd recommend St. John's for those whom it doesn't affect adversely. It worked with my wife too, except she was taking it for her fear issues, and needed to take so high a dose that it gave her headaches. So now she takes prescription psych meds, with good results.

-4.

hugs to ((((((((((((MissConstrue, Iwannablue, Graelwyn))))))))))) hope you all feel better. Sometimes life is a bit of an uphill battle. I have a friend in Ireland who is getting me more into religious stuff, not that I am really religious or able to conform to a religion, though it does help to think about having faith and looking for the things in life that are good and true and need not change throughout our trials.

As ofr me probably a 2. I feel pretty blah, bored out of my tree with so much spare time and no idea what to do with it and no talent I can use to pass it, I hope the weather gets good again so that I can at least feel miserable out in the rose garden. Tempted to run off to Canada or Germany or Spain or Sardinia or the Seychelles but again no idea where I would get the money for this.

I wish I could be like my boyfriend sometimes, he seems to be very good at keeping busy and amusing himself.

Anyway I guess if I try hard enough I will find something to fill the gap.

(( hugs back to zen))

-2.

I have a really bad virus that is making yawning agony and my neck swollen.
On top of that, I keep failing in any attempt to maintain any sort of human relationship, online or offline.
And each time I fail or go wrong, I am left feeling that my life is forfeit and that I have no function here. How can one not consider themselves to be of no value when they cannot even get along with other people? It must mean that I am a nasty, bad, selfish person, and in my mind, if I am selfish, nasty and bad, I should be dead so I cannot cause any more problems to others or myself.

(hugs Graelwyn)

-2

I feel like I am unable to help a friend going through a rough time, despite my best efforts.

+6.8 If I wasn't so tired, it would be higher. I bought a bunch of stuff that I needed for a project at the house, so it was like Christmas today. Sweet.


Now, I have to assemble it all.

-5 health wise because of the flu, emotionally wise about +3, I have a creamsicle for my sore throat

-3.
this wretched flu, or whatever the hell it is has knocked me totally. How I will make it to london on 9th I don't know.
It is always worse being alone when you are sick.

^Hope y'all get over the flu, ASAP.



I'm doing pretty damn good today. Could complain, by why the hell should I, and f**k everything up? Okay, that's enough arrogance for now.


+7.429

(thanks again zen)

Not one of my best days today. I kinda self destructed again. -3.

0

I am not happy. I was hopeing to have this week as a phsycological rest period from trying to fill out the three aplications, if they exist, with places that aren't hireing to start with. .. for the past three months of stress over pondering enviroments I wouldn't be very healthy or productive in.

I barely managed to find enough the last to weeks! Now, TADDA, texas workforce commition mails me a @W^%$^& letter "we can extend your benifits", that my mother just had, HAD to fax in before I could stop her. crap...

I can't WAIT for my mother to come home and find out that I failed to get those 3 applications on a fryday/end of the week! I can't WAIT to see what I failure I have to look like ANYWAY all thanks to that f*****g LETTER comming at the last possible moment.

Needless to say, I am feeling a "want to die right now" patch. My chest has been very sore since I woke up at 6am this morning. It doesn't matter what I do! I always loose some how! Always! Don't kid me.. .I swear to God, I'm destined to be money broke and nothing else.

^ Hope you feel better soon.

You're welcome, Iwannablue and Graelwyn. Good to see you posting here again, Jawbrodt.

I think I am a 3. Sky is grey and leaden looking. But it is a Saturday so I guess I can get some housework done and do what I like for the rest of the day more or less.

^Thanks Zen. It's good to be back.



Today, I'm sorta mellow, sorta sarcastic, sorta goofy, sorta pervy, sorta anxious, sorta excited, and sorta hungry, so......


.....I'm sorta happy. +6.85

1. My repeated failures at trying to form friendships etc with people, and the way people have behaved towards me over the years has made me extremely aggressive and angry all the time, not to mention caused me to withdraw altogether from rl interraction just about. This aggression just leaves me feeling I am more of a hateful person than I already thought myself to be. And I cannot find any solution to this loneliness since I have no idea how to establish any sort of friendships anymore.

feeling suicidal because I was not left in my world where I belong! The school had to do special Ed to help me be normal and then I tried and now here I am an adult and dont fit anywhere but brainwashed into thinking I am supposed too!! Frustrated because no one trusts me!! And I trust no one!!