I am going to commit suicide. I have to do it

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Paranid? Jealous, of what? Stalking? No, I resolved my issues with her. I'm not interested in her in a sexual way.

Please don't do it!

I don't feel that I fit right in this world, either. The thing is that I fear death, more than I fear life. I'd rather be alive and faking it, than dead and gone. That's just me, though. I just hope that you do the right thing.

I'm sorry for waisting everyone's time here. This thread was unproductive. I just ended up digging myself a bigger whole. Life will be hard for me to go through. I'm just not motivated to do anything. I don't even really feel like getting out of bed. Things are getting bad. I'm sorry for waisting your time. I'm sorry. I'm sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorr=ohg[poandsv

I did a lot of similar posts in the past myself, at points I felt utterly hopeless and desperate.
I know the feeling of not wanting to get out of bed, do anything.. having no interest, like some sort of cloud consuming you.
You either have to get to your doctor and get a little help temporarily until you can dig yourself out of this hole, or think, right, I will do such and such to try and help myself out of this hole.

It doesnt help to keep talking about it unless you take some action as well.
No reason to say sorry for posting, but there must be something you can do, some plan of POSITIVE action you can take to improve things or at least distract yourself when you feel so bad.

Can you force yourself to get out for a good walk everyday somewhere quiet?
I always find that making myself go out, even if i just want to curl up and stay indoors all day, does help quite a lot.

I do go to the gym at my university. I suppose I could go for a walk around the neighbourhood. I'm trying to regain an interest in things like history that I'm studying at university. Its easier though to just sleep all day.

Been there, done that, and it starts off a vicious cycle. I found the more I slept, the more tired I got, the harder it was to do anything at all.
You need routine, not sleep. To drag yourself up and do something...anything. Only you can do it really, in the end, much as that sucks. The gym is really good. Me, I drag myself to a bookstore and browse and have a coffee in a quiet coffee shop each day. That is what keeps me going and from going totally insane.

I like coffee. I like reading and watching YouTube on my laptop using my uni's wireless service. Is that why I've been so tired. I can't keep myself awake these days. When I try to wake up in the morning often I am just so tired I fall back to sleep. There have been many times I have missed class because of it.

Praetor, what you're describing isn't AS. It's clinical depression. Fortunately for you, clinical depression is eminently treatable - most of the symptoms can be ameliorated with the correct medication. (The downside, of course, is that since each human being is biochemically unique, not all people will respond the same way to the same medication, so it may take a while for you and your psych professional to find the correct medical balance for you.) I urge you to seek medical care for your difficulty.

Yes, I know what I am describing is clinical depression, and not AS. AS though is the cause of a lo of my problems. I know there's nothing I can do about it, and that's why I want to whither away.

Then treat the problem. If your AS traits are the issue, then try to overcome the problems.

Before I was diagnosed with AS, I was suffering from serious depression. Once I was diagnosed, treatments - mainly through a speech pathologist - helped me to start to fit in. Basically, I learned enough of the social skills to fit in (I still have regular slip-ups, but it's not as bad as it was). I haven't had issues with depression since.

There's a big difference between "My AS is causing my depression" and "Some of my AS traits mean that I am having problems that are causing my depression". Once you understand the problem (more specifically than just "My AS"), you can begin to work on it.

And as for the popularity thing, I gave up on that a few years back (remarkably, that was when my depression started to clear). A few close friends are better than a host of people that like you. (sorry if I'm ranting here, but) most of those people are sheep anyway, and if someone falls out of popularity, then they will abandon them. A few friends that you can rely on will help.

And if you have issues with making friends, what interests you? If you enjoy theatre, then why not look into local theater groups? From my experience, there's quite a few odd people involved, and as a result they should be accepting of any quirks you may have.

What do you enjoy doing? Perhaps some of the members can suggest activities that you'd enjoy?

Regardless, you can do something about depression: seek help. See your doctor. They can put you onto someone that can help (and yes, I've read some of the stories here about bad psychiatrists/psychologists, but they're not all bad). I saw a psychiatrist because of my depression. He diagnosed me, and guided me back out of depression without turning to medication.

I get REALLY depressed like that myself when I'm not on my meds. I'm not on them right now because they stopped working for me and I had to take a break from them. One thing that helps me and it might you too, is to go to a tanning bed. The light really does help me and I've talked to a lot of people who get that same thing from it. It actually gives me enough energy to make myself do what I have to do.

I tried to kill myself back in the spring and then after I took a bunch of pills I got scared so I walked over to my moms and she called 911. I woke up in ICU tied to the bed throwing up charcoal. Of course though I couldn't really tell them my feelings and when the shrink came in to talk to me, I stuck out my hand and smiled and said "Nice to meet you, I'm just depressed and need these two meds in these doses" and he gave them to me and sent me home three days later. He was kinda wierd though, he really didn't like women very much at all. He's Middle Eastern, and no most ME guys aren't like that but he's old school about it and dismisses everything a woman says. He asked me what my husband thought about what I did and what effect it might have on HIM. I told him my husbands opinion mattered a whole lot less than my own opinion and I'm sorry if he (the shrink) didn't like it, but therapy was supposed to be about ME, not about whether or not I stepped out of "my place" and inconvenienced my ole man. I had clarified the question first before I gave him that answer and no he wasn't trying to get me to see what effect my actions might have on others emotionally etc. He was scolding me for inconveniencing my husband and admitted such. Sucks not having insurance and having to use the sliding scale shrink.

PaganMom

Yeah, I like girls 2. It´s true.

Are you currently on any medications or treatments for Anxiety/Depression or anything else? If not and looking for a way to not visit the doctor try a few different things. Here is a few I have tried or have looked at.

Vitamin B Complex - Gave me great energy and little more confidence after just 2 days. + Its safe to take with anything as its a vitamin.

St. John's Wort - Been taking this for awhile. First time I started taking this it made me very sensitive to sunlight, but alot more relaxed and normal like behavior and feeling. I have started taking this along side a multivitamin and so far I have no ill effects to sunlight that I have noticed and it has made me more open a little. Its like a milder form of what it was though.

5-HTP - Havn't taken, but said to be really useful for depression. Helps you sleep and only need to take it for a week or two every now and then. To much can cause head pains and only side effect of this is vivid dreams I read.

Exercise - I was a little skeptical, but when you start changing the way you look a little you start to like yourself a little more. I have felt a little better since I started exercising more and it has made a little difference. It doesn't help me communicate much with people, but I have noticed a few more girls look at me. At least I imagine they do.

I've been thinking alot lately about taking a knife and stabbing myself. I bet if I do it in the Student lounge on campus no one would notice either. That's where i've been thinking about doing it. I thought I could goto Toronto and slip under the railway tracks and get crushed by an oncoming train. If I stab myself will it be terrible or just unpleasant?

It's not worth it, fact is that even if your feeling down now, you'll feel better later. Face it, suicide is a cowards way out, and really, it's just a waste of life. Fact is you have to be good at something, you have to be able to contribute to society somehow, it's not worth wasting a potential major contribution to society just because your feeling down. Heck, killing yourself may prevent yourself from discovering a cure for a major disease or inventing a major breakthrough in the future that you may have otherwise done. Think of it like this, no one knows what the future holds, in the end you may just be snuffing out your own life where you could have done something important for the world otherwise.

You get picked on, yes? Suicide means giving into them. Don't let the people who give you a hard time force you to take your own life.
Tell us more about yourself, praetor. Do you have family? What did you do in your spare time before things went downhill?