tired of failing at life

Post Reply New Topic

Im so sick of ruining everything and getting everything wrong. I dont know how Im meant to live with myself when Im such a screw up. I hate being crap at everything and never good enough. I hate trying so hard all the time and always spoiling it all. I really hate myself and I hate being rubbish at everything, i hate it so much. I hate making everyone hate me, I hate being annoying I hate not being able to keep friends, i hate that I make all the profecionals in my life really cross with me and I just cant stand being me.

I don't know if this will work for you, but
maybe it is time to just start disapointing
everyone until you can stop hating yourself?

I had to start disapointing society, I cannot
please them, I cannot be who they want
me to be and never will.

Sorry, society, I can't do it.

I dont want to always disapoint everyone though I want to make them happy with me.

This is impossible for me, I can't make
anyone happy. I just gave up.

If you can make people happy, then
your doing a much better job than I
am and I take my hat off to you,
that means I'm happy that you can
do it. I sure can't.

I cant make anyone happy.

your completely right, I have to give up trying to not dissapoint people and accept that i always will, the world will just have to put up with the fact that Im crap and not up to their standards.

Lotusblossom, why are you so sure you are a disappointment?

because the social worker comes round every week and tells me how crap I am, how angry Ive made the CAMHS, how damaging I am to my kids and how many bad decisions Ive made with my life.

I cant work, I cant maintain friendships, I cant drive or ride a bike, I cant cope with buses and taxis, I cant use the phone. I have bad OCD and social phobia, I keep getting crap marks on my assignments and Ive always scored crap marks on all the courses Ive done. I cant stop eating long enough to loose weight, I look awful. I dont contact my family enough as I find it too hard but it upsets them and makes them sad.

I keep doing things that are crap and making everyone cross with me.

If you look at it another way, you managed to successfully raise your kids even whilst dealing with OCD and social phobia.

You stick with your course even though you find it difficult.

You find it hard to contact your family, but you still keep in touch occasionally.

You keep on trying and persevering despite hardship and you do have friends here on WP.

That's definitely something to be proud of!

too bad you can't just fire the son of a b!tch.

interesting, what made you choose to bump this thread?

yes it is too bad, people dont get to choose their social workers and if one appears to not like them in any way, they write "hostile and aggressive" in ones file

thats the trouble with haveing aspergers as not only does it mean that all through ones child hood, teachers hate us and get anoyed at us but then through ones adult hood social workers and other profecionals take similar dislike to us and proceed to make ones life a misery.

because it made me red with anger- a social worker has a crushing load on their plate but that is a lacking excuse for them to give in to the dark side. they are responsible for doing god's work, this is a holy thing- and for them to just take the path of least resistance means they need to find another f+cking line of work. there is more than enough meanness in this world, and to deliberately add to it by squashing somebody else's soul that it has been assigned to the social worker to be helping- why, i just can't think of anything more evil. it is like the fox guarding the chicken coop. a social worker's first task is to concentrate on the positive aspects of their charges and work from there. NOT to amplify the negative. negatives never need to be amplified as they are bad enough by themselves. i hope this ramble made sense to you. i feel like sniffing some nitrous now.

the trouble is social workers are NTs and find aspies annoying just like the rest of them, even worse they are taught to be worried about 'strange parents' and their effect on kids, its my bad luck to be caught in their web and under their scrutiny and the more I struggle the more stuck I become. Like all aspies I do not perform well under stress and make it all worse for myself.

Of course. Do you have ANY professionals who like you/are on your side? A psychiatrist or therapist? If not, I suggest you find one. And I'm sure if you keep trying you'll find one you get along with. If you do have one, then first, talk to this person about this situation. They should be able to help you. You need to have an advocate. How can you be expected to raise children without any support?