knowing better than to say anything...

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I had a bit of a stressful time today because a. I went on an outing in the car..and b. there was an extra person along...so there were 5 of us..me, my boyfriend, Flakey, his girlfriend and her friend...I was feeling stressed for a number of reasons...The car was hot and cramped...Flakeys girlfriend chatters nonstop..I don't get along very well with her or her friend..as there are very few people I really do get along with..
Even though I don't drive, the car happens to belong to me..the title is in my name..and to me that means something...She kept talking smack about all the problems with the car, and that stressed me out because I didn't like having to be in the car with her driving..Last night she took the car out in a rainstorm to go see a movie, and I was mad because I was making food for somebody's going away party and half the food was still in the backseat when she left..I didn't know she was leaving...so it derailed my plans..and though I knew she was using the car a bit while her's is broken..I thought that going out to a movie during flash flooding in my car was a bit excessive...and she was blah blahing on and on about how badly the car was driving...so I piped up that I thought that it was somewhat frivolous abuse of her car privleges to take it out in the rain like that...so of course she gets puffed up and offended...adding to the stressful atmosphere of the stuffy car that has been loaded down with a bunch of stuff from her recent move...another annoying thing...I really said very little about it considering how upset I had been the night before about taking off before I had finished unloading the groceries...but I should have not said anything at all, because naturally it would offend her as she is a borderliner and cannot accept the least bit of anything remotely critical...I am just venting because i should ahve known better than to say anything at all...and am reminded as to why I basically cannot talk to most conventional female types..even something relatively benign can turn into a negative confrontation....

I can really see why you would be upset and with GOOD reason. I would be p*ssed as well.

I don't really know your living situation, but from what I had read in the past, it sounds like there are a few people living in the same household? I'm not sure how it is for you, but it would be hard for me....I give you credit.

I also think it was an abuse of car privilege to take your car out during a heavy storm. That's your car, it doesn't seem like she's showing much respect for your property....or the favor.

I can also relate about feeling like you shouldn't have said anything. I just don't want to confront it....especially if it's a personality such as her's. But I have to give you credit again. You spoke up, even though it made you feel uncomfortable, you showed her you were assertive enough to say what you felt was unacceptable.

Honestly, IMO, I don't think the problem is you, the problem is her.

I also have problems talking to "typical" females. But I still think the problem lies in her behavior.

Take care.

She is really self-absorbed and quite keen on one-uppance...She was also born when i was in Jr. High. technically, I would be old enough to be her mom...if this were mid-evil times..
We have tended to clash on several occasions for various reasons...I sort of judge my partner for seriously compromising our relationship on more than one occasion in order to be with her, and then later complaining about how much they don't get along...

Even though mentally, in many ways I seem younger than her and also less capable...the ways in which it is apparent that I am older than her register only in very subtle and complex sorts of ways.
...Listening to her talk about things is very tiring..it is very stressful to be around her when she is in a "good" mood...and doubly stressful when she is in a bad mood because she likes to yell and twist words around and in a yelling tone accuse my partner of yelling when all he might have done is object to something...and I once snapped after listening to her yell at him for too long...and we have been on sour terms ever since.

She is a social chameleon...She will build up people who know better than to cross her and completely verbally destroy anyone who is remotely critical of her...My speaking up about her abusing the privilege of using my car resulted in her offering to pull over and let me drive, even though she knows I can't drive...Stating that she was no longer allowed to use my car, even though I had said nothing to that effect..I only subtly expressed my disgruntlement over the events of the night before, and called her taking my car out in the rain "frivolous"...
This was after having to take one of my anxiety pills because her shrill verbosity and scary driving while being trapped in the cramped stuffy car with her had been getting to me.

I live with my business partner/ex boyfriend...father of her unborn child....and my AS-ish friend/boyfriend...who is at my place all the time and only visits his apartment occasionally to water his fern...and then there is our handy-man/sound guy...and the random people who crash on our couches...Many of these people work for us, as we have both an internet business and run a multi-purposed performance and arts space...That is a general source of stress..
I also strike terror into everyone's hearts due to my unapproachability....There are very few people who I am on speaking terms with...I tend to have a bad reputation among people...I have trouble with people who I am not somewhat formally introduced to...and tend to react negatively when my space is invaded...technically, I am some sort of boss to all these people who I can barely talk to since I own the company and am part-founder of the venue...
I am pretty used to this stuff..I feel a lot of guilt about how bad I can be with people a lot of the time....But I can't really help it.

Anyway..I can't dwell upon this junk too much...no good will come out of it...I am just venting in the haven....lots of people on the spectrum have to deal with uncomfortable situations in order to make a living and things could certainly be a lot worse for me than they are.

It just helps sometimes to vent...

Arguement in her favor is that she seems to be unaware that the car is actually mine..unless she was deliberately and subtly making a point to upset me....she is young...she thinks a lot differently than I do...She is a very NT-ish Borderliner type...and can't really help that much....she has gone through a lot for her age...

I really need to learn better self-control and tact because any critique will automatically result in a mound of negativity...and so on...

If I were in your situation I wouldn't want her using my car at all. Also, it's good to give a little criticism when it's needed. Otherwise, by holding too much inside, you could explode when it's unwanted.

It has happened before..

I've just broke ties, with a self absorbed friend.

We had a major misunderstanding over the use of the word friend, the after-effects of which are still present a month later...I blew a fuse on her and have been more or less a ghost around her ever since..She's pregnant, and I tried to be as helpful and supportive as I knew how...but her yelling at Flakey all the time and her stance of being beyond reproach were a source of ongoing stress...and i was PMSy and i snapped...same goes for right now..am PMSy very prone to social miscommunications and hangups especially around this time...hence my hanging out in the Haven..

Use of the word "friend" was only part of it...I had yelled at her in front of other people...and I said some really bad things...although there was nobody present at the time to really care...she had just smashed a plate at Flakey and hit him in a sensitive male area..and the next day she came and tried to verbally confront me about it in a way that put me on the defense...so I bit back...and created the misunderstanding that I was never her "friend"...due to my rigid and differing interpretation of the word....

I wish I could help you more. I guess the best I can do is say that your feelings are completely valid and I would have probably smacked her in the head by now. Well, not actually smacked her, but there would have been a major meltdown complete with colorful metaphors and flying objects.
It's best to rant.

I found this very interesting. My mother and I were talking about this a few days ago. We were saying in some ways I seem on par or even more mature for 30, but there are many other ways that I seem very young.

I hope you are feeling better or feel better soon.

I had a bout of depression today....but I am over it and doing better....I was feeling disjointed, and was having trouble communicating and getting my thoughts to synch up. My ASish boyfriend wanted to for a long bike ride, but I had let someone borrow my bike, and also figured that Flakey would want to come along..but that would put our friend who was bringing back my bike on the outs because his bike is on the fritz...and then Flakey's girlfriend came over, and she doesn't have a bike either...so the plans sorta changed to everyone going out for Brunch in the car to a nearby place...but the sudden change of plans threw my boyfriend off and made him angry..so he took off on his bike..and this set the course for me to be in a bad mood, because I had done the wrong thing....I SHOULD have insisted that they go out and continued with my plans with my boyfriend...but in my muddled unassertiveness,,,,I was not able to pull that off....so he took off by himself and I went off with Flakey and his girlfriend and our other friend (who I had lent my bike to)...and we ate brunch and went to a park, but I was feeling so badly that I threw up repeatedly...(usually sign of meltdown for me)...and I went despondant at park...and secluded myself in my room for several hours afterwards and then my boyfriend showed up again after his long bike ride(unexpectedly)...and things were better...He was not as mad at me as I thought he was..but I wish I had been able to know that ahead of time instead of allowing it to mess up a big chunk of my day....Maybe it is a theory of mind thing..when people are mad at me I take it very literally and draw the furthest conclusions..and it takes me a long time to bounce back...
My face still feels all boggy from crying...but things are ok

But speaking of knowing when not to say anything...
There was a guy who was drinking a beer and boldly panhandling outside the grocery store right by the front entrance/DVD rental box. He was asking everyone who came in and out for a quarter. I was annoyed because he was right by the entrance.....I went in and told the security guard...and she came out and asked him if he was panhandling and he said no and she basically let him carry on, saying that a customer (me) had just come in and reported him...so maybe now I am in trouble with the panhandler... So I feel pretty stupid about that one... I suppose I could easily have set myself for some sort of retaliation from the panhandler at some point down the line...


sorry...rambling.....don't expect anyone to respond...

Today I spoke up over something I misheard...and that was a mistake...I thought I heard her tell Flakey that she asked to use my car but I'd said no...and so I said that I had never said anything...but the conversation was in the next room, and as shrill as it was, I had misunderstood....I let her use the stinking car just so that she would leave and stop yelling.

Did it again...