Completely unmotivated to do much anything right

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From the mind of Quartz, aka Pessi:

I got fired from a full time job in March. Since then, I've sat back on my part time gig which I've had for three years. But once again, the lack of full time employment has gotten me rather unmotivated to do much of anything.

I want to have a full time job, but I just don't want to go looking for one. I consider it a futile waste of time, cause 1. I'll never get hired anywhere anyway when there's plenty of experienced people and plenty of NT's around, along with 2. I really have no idea what I want to do. I could look for a job, but I have no idea where to start looking. I either don't want to do it, or it doesn't interest me, or I could never get in anyway.


Other things in life... don't think I can get it. So I just don't bother trying. Wanting to date and have a girlfriend? Futile waste of time. Never will have a gal that'll want to be with me, don't know where to start looking for someone good. And the ones I tend to find, end up being seriously dysfunctional gals I found through online message boards. The one I like: possible Aspie in Tulsa. The one that likes me: 42 year old mother of five in Indy who is unhappy with her marriage. (I'm 24, and near Boston.)

The only things I do look forward to in life? Tuesday night trivia at the bar. Except there, I just sit there and look like a super nerd and get ignored by everyone else. Feel alone in a room full of people that know me. Excited to go Tuesday afternoon, feel crappy on Wednesday morning - every week.

I mostly nowadays just sit around in my room, alone and miserable, hanging around on the internet all day long. Listening to music, browsing random websites, talking to crazy people, And I don't even enjoy doing this from wake up to bedtime. So I go out to the bar, where I pretend I know people. Or I go to the record store and/or concerts, but my bank account is running low.*

* I went to the Bonnaroo music festival a couple weeks ago. Alone. Had a good time, minus the heat and the fact I wiped out a quarter of my bank account in the process. Made worse by buying two dozen albums within the last month, mostly bands I saw at 'Roo.


I realize I can't get things I want: such as a job or a gal or money to get tickets/CDs, without going out and getting it. But it's like... why bother? Pessimism reigns supreme! I need a good slap upside the head.

What do you like doing? what are you good at?

Two words - adult education. How could you train to a point where you could get a job doing lighting or sound for the sort of festivals you enjoy? Who employs the ticket sellers, and do they get a free pass? Clearly music interests you - despite being depressed about a lot of stuff, you still enjoy it. So why not work towards making a career in that? How about writing online reviews for the albums you bought? You can clearly put a sentence together, so why not take it one step further?

I've been a volunteer steward at a few community events, and a lot of music festivals run on volunteers, too - why aren't you volunteering???

I've been writing for newspapers, either at college or in my hometown area, for nearly five years now. Mostly for sports, which I do like. Minus the whole having to interview people afterwards, for obvious reasons. In college I did write a handful of album and concert reviews. Got an interview with a underground rapper from the area. But since leaving college, I've done no writing in regards to music.

Rolling along with the music thing, I never have actually looked into how exactly to get into the industry somewhere. I'm honestly not sure where I'd even start looking. Having been to a festival, I should look into volunteering at various others if I can.

I should be way more assertive and investigating how to get involved in some operation or with some educational training. Oh me with little confidence and hope.