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It's hard to accept when someone you love won't relate the way you wish they would, in fact it hurts like bloody hell (and I know this well, unfortunately), but the hard truth of the matter is that you can't make them, and even if you could somehow accomplish that, it's not the same if it's not freely given. All you can do is decide for yourself whether you're willing to accept the relationship on these terms or not. The length of a pregnancy may seem a long time, but it's really not that long. Are you willing to wait and see, or is the relationship not worth it to you? If it's worth it to you, then my advice to you is to stick it out. If you don't, you'll never know if it would have come to pass or not, and if it would have, it would be a big loss to not even have tried....that's the way I look at it anyway. If there really is love, it should still be there when she's not pregnant any more and she is able to focus on your relationship, right?

The other thing to remember is although you can't control what she does or says, you can control how you react to it. I am also very sensitive and I forget that all the time (and I'm a good bit older than you are...in my 40s). I just started seeing a counselor last week. It might be a good thing to do just to have someone to talk to other than your parents.

Good luck to you.

~Kate

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All that been shared here I can so relate. Thank-you Blue for being so open.
I'm grateful to for the constructive and caring advice others here are giving.
I am trained as a councilor, but have also experienced much of the pain you
describe Blue...We need you here...Listening to you, you are a valuable member
of this community...Lonliness has been one of my steady companions. It hurts,but
together we can support and hold each other up through the painful times...
Here we are united in our humaness...and accepted.

Stay with us Blue, we need you,
Anjie

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I know how hard this is (again from experience ) but try not to interpret things that aren't necessarily signs of losing her that way. You can drive yourself crazy that way, and chances are that many of the things you're seeing that way are not actually so. We (aspies) sometimes aren't the best at "reading" those things and if you're like me you probably unnecessarily torture yourself with taking everything in the worst possible way. As I've gotten older, especially in the last 10 years, I have tried not to put that kind of negative interpretation on everything and have so far only partially succeeded. I'm especially likely to do that when I'm very tired or sick or already stressed over something else, and you may have other things that make it more likely. And you're right, there's nothing you really need to say except normal things, and being a friend to her when her stress level is probably high.

As far as obsessing, it is possible to turn your obsessions to something, if not positive, at least neutral. When I get to obsessing about something negative, sometimes I will even start doing something as repetitive and rote as conjugating one Romanian verb after another in one tense after another in my head (I recently learned the Romanian language) or silently reciting a poem or something else I memorized in high school just to fill my brain with something else. Sometimes that's enough to let me get to sleep.

~Kate

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