Not Crying At Funerals

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In some societies people scream, wail, tear their clothes and throw themselves onto the casket.

In Ireland people would get drunk as skunks at the wake and then have sex in the grass outside to defy death.

As a person of English heritage I was brought up in the "stiff upper lip" school.
It is vulgar to show emotion. It is a sign of weakness.

i thought it was just me that felt nothing inside emotions wise , i didnt cry at my dads funeral at all and my mum called me a heartless bithch for it for years after, i just didnt feel upset inside and didnt cry i felt nothing inside some times it confuses me how emotional people get in some situations and theres me who feels nothing at times i mean i have cried at some things but i never seem to react the 'right' way even when my ex attacked my 3 yr old and put him in hospital i wasnt there when it happened but came home after it and the social workers still to this day say they think i had something to do with it cos i didnt 'react' properly i was upset and totally shocked at my ex doing that to my son but just didnt do what nt expected me to do so they try and blame me for it x

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i have an aspie 9 yr old son diagnosed,6 yr old son,3 year old son (waiting on diagnosis) and a baby girl at 1 yr old
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Im unofficial diagnosis 144 out of 200

Heh, funny...I was going to talk about this when I had the courage to, as a starter thread. But maybe I'll talk about it now, because I wanna have some assurance that I'm perfectly normal.

You see, with the first 3 of my grandparents' deaths, I didn't even show so much as a drop of sorrow. I particularly remembered my reaction when I heard about my paternal grandmother's death, which was "What's so big about that? You knew it would happen sooner or later."

I felt bored at worst at their funerals, and much to my shame, I even recited the May and Nichols sketch about how ridiculously expensive funerals are to my aunt, before my maternal grandmother's service.

But at my final grandparent funeral (the maternal grandfather), when I was hearing my mother's sister sing "Out of the Ivory Palaces", the reality of the situation kicked me in the nuts: I didn't have any grandparents left! That knowledge, combined with the sorrowful organ playing along to my aunt's singing, brought all the grief that I should've felt at those previous 3 funerals, and I had to make a SUPERHUMAN effort to not cry in front of everybody!
Which was rather odd...considering where I was, it would've been the most *appropriate* place to do so! But as it was, my siblings were there, and I didn't wanna look p****, so I held it all in, which resulted in a MASSIVE lump in my throat so sore that I couldn't talk normally for 20 minutes.

It wasn't until one week after that funeral, when I looked up a MIDI file of "Ivory Palaces" (which was my grampa's favorite hymn, that's why it was played), did I finally allow myself to let go and cry, in the privacy of my own bedroom.

Here's a video of that hymn from YouTube, so you may be exposed to its beauty ^_^

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gabGaIpxuoY&feature=PlayList&p=E90938AA44DAAC16&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=45[/youtube]

So you see? I can feel sorrow if I want to.

Usagi1992

im sure you're fine. if you generaly feel upset about her death but just dont feel like crying, which is what i kinda understood, then i geuss its fine.

my mother died when i was six and i've never cried about it once so...i'm kind of in the same prediciment as you right now, by that i mean im still questioning myself over it so im not sure if i can be of any help. sorry

I never cry where someone can see me. I only cry in the darkness of night, silently, into my pillow.

Glad to find this thread. Just went to my father's funeral a day ago, and of course I didn't cry. He had been sick for many years with CPD, so it was more of a relief than anything else for everyone to see him out of pain. The last 2 years had been particularly bad. People weren't weeping in general so ti didn't really matter.

But it did make me pause to reflect that I never cry at family member's funerals. Only at the funerals of people I hardly know! How weird is that? If I go to the funeral of a father of a co-worker, say in a group from work, and I've never met the man, I will usually start crying when people get up and talk about what a great person he was and tell stories about things he did for them.

But if it's my own family sitting there I seem to be more watchful and stiff and anxious. I sit there like I'm totally detached from the scene. And I cannot explain why this is, and I've done it for years.

We really are different in so many ways.

I haven't cried at either of my parents' funerals, nor any of the others I've attended, but I can count the number of people I've felt connected to on more than a superficial level on one hand. If one of them died (which they haven't) I don't know what would happen.

~Kate

Aspie or NT, not crying at funerals in the UK, is a normal thing - we Brits hate to show our emotions in public.

I cry at funerals. Last week I went to my mum's friend's brother's funeral. I didn't really know him, but I just went with my mum, and to support her friend. And I felt terribly emotional for her, especially when she gave her speech. My eyes filled up with tears, and I just could not look at their mum and dad because it'd make me cry more.

So some Aspies do feel emotion. I do anyway.

I was at a funeral last weekend for my grandfather's sister. I did not know her all that well, only seen her a few times a year - so it meant very little to me. Even for those closer to her, they knew she had been suffering for many years and was not herself. So death was a good thing, finally being at peace.

My problem was, I nearly started breaking out laughing right in the middle of the service. Not for anything related to the service, I had just thought of something funny at a time which seemed really inappropriate for drifting off like that.

My grandfather died nearly 2 years ago and I was crying during the viewing and during the funeral mass. Death is sad to me. My grandfather was ill for 4 years with heart issues and pneumonia. I knew he was ill and weak. He was on so many medications. I still have days where I cry and miss him dearly. I guess I'm not the norm aspie when it comes to funerals. I can show emotions.

When my grandpa, uncle, and aunt died, I didn't feel upset or cry at their funerals, though I think I probably should have. I only seem to cry when animals die. I should get my priorities right.

funerals are boring because the guest of honor is dead