Heh, funny...I was going to talk about this when I had the courage to, as a starter thread. But maybe I'll talk about it now, because I wanna have some assurance that I'm perfectly normal.
You see, with the first 3 of my grandparents' deaths, I didn't even show so much as a drop of sorrow. I particularly remembered my reaction when I heard about my paternal grandmother's death, which was "What's so big about that? You knew it would happen sooner or later."
I felt bored at worst at their funerals, and much to my shame, I even recited the May and Nichols sketch about how ridiculously expensive funerals are to my aunt, before my maternal grandmother's service.
But at my final grandparent funeral (the maternal grandfather), when I was hearing my mother's sister sing "Out of the Ivory Palaces", the reality of the situation kicked me in the nuts: I didn't have any grandparents left! That knowledge, combined with the sorrowful organ playing along to my aunt's singing, brought all the grief that I should've felt at those previous 3 funerals, and I had to make a SUPERHUMAN effort to not cry in front of everybody!
Which was rather odd...considering where I was, it would've been the most *appropriate* place to do so! But as it was, my siblings were there, and I didn't wanna look p****, so I held it all in, which resulted in a MASSIVE lump in my throat so sore that I couldn't talk normally for 20 minutes.
It wasn't until one week after that funeral, when I looked up a MIDI file of "Ivory Palaces" (which was my grampa's favorite hymn, that's why it was played), did I finally allow myself to let go and cry, in the privacy of my own bedroom.
Here's a video of that hymn from YouTube, so you may be exposed to its beauty ^_^
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gabGaIpxuoY&feature=PlayList&p=E90938AA44DAAC16&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=45[/youtube]
So you see? I can feel sorrow if I want to.
Usagi1992