My Turn...

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I face this situation every day: People bagging on me or my behavior and getting away with it. Yet when I respond in kind, their friends in higher authority come to their defense and insinuate that I am either too sensitive to the actions and words of my peers, or I am too insensitive as to how my words and actions affect them. Either way, it is either my fault for being a victim in the first place, or my fault for feeling the need to defend myself.

It's as if there is an un-written rule that victims should remain silent, and just take whatever abuse is dealt their way.

I dare not seek resolution from even higher authorities, as they are either indifferent to such issues, or they have a record of resolving such complaints by forcing the complaining person's departure from their premises.

One individual in the "chain of command" has offered to hear me out with my complaints, but this person has also consistently taken the side of those who have provoked me into reacting, and not my side against those who seek to provoke.

So, I have to choose between ignoring those who seek to annoy me and thus render my tacit approval of their behavior toward other victims, or with continuing to stand up for myself and risk expulsion by their friends in authority.

Thank you for letting me dump this here.

I'm not sure I understand. Is this at your place of employment, an organization, or a social group? Any answer would likely be dependent on the environmental circumstances and your motives for remaining there.

Same here.

I had one co-worker who bullied me so much that after a while even the other co-workers became appalled at her horrible behaviour. Yet no one would confront her.

I reported the bullying, which was obvious and in public, to both my immediate boss and to the owner of the company. Their response was, "You need to gain her respect. Once she respects you, she will no longer behave this way."

So, thinking I had their permission to be more confrontational with this co-worker, the very next time she started blasting me in public in the middle of the office, I told her to back off and that her conduct was unprofessional. I said this in a very reasonable tone of voice.

Immediately upon hearing me, both my boss AND the owner of the company popped out of their offices to accuse me and to take her side.

Trapped as I was, I began pulling up articles on suing companies for a "hostile work environment" and leaving them up on my computer as a hint. I must say that they did appear to take this more seriously. Very soon, they discontinued my position and paid me four months' salary to avoid going to court over it. Notice that they'd rather pay me large amounts of money and get rid of me, rather than dealing with the bully.

They might just be messing with you. When people are laughing when they do it they they might be just f**king with you and you shouldn't take it seriously. I find it hard to understand when people are just messing with you, but sometimes you can tell when they are just standing around laughing with each other and are messing with each other too.

You have to understand that NT's don't really understand AS behaviour too well. I'm quite lucky because the people who I work with find me strange, but they just see it as the way I am, they know I don't talk a lot and I'm very focused on what I do and all manor of things, but yours might not.

What exactly do they bag on you about?

I know we have had a difference of opinion in my post, but this is something that I think I might be able to help with.

So, just give a specific example of what they say.

I'm wondering if we should respond to you the way you've been responding to others in The Haven.

That's cool.

But I have an idea of what he is talking about and might be able to help.

Whatever....

Who are you again?

I believe we was probably addressing Fnord.

Meh, I have been a d**k here too so I could understand if she did mean me.

I was addressing the OP.



Same question back at you.
I've been around. People seem to like my advice.
Nice to meet you.

Fair dos.



I'm Hughey. I'm the sites aspergian anti-aspergers fascist.

Nice to meet you too.

That's an awesome low cut shirt... I mean picture you have there.

Translation: You're a kid.



Thank you. It's a basic cotton v-neck t-shirt. I'm a thirty-something married mother of four and step-mother of two. I'm dx'd with Aspergers Syndrome, General Anxiety Disorder and Depression. ADD is suspect. PTSD and Thanatophobia are unrelated dx's that I have been given based on reaction to trauma. I'm a registered Democrat voter, Liberal activity, and Left-leaning Moderate. There's enough people in the world who give me labels, I don't need to invent them to pretend to be interesting.

Enjoy WP.

Nope, not any more.

AS have dried up my youth by making it the most miserable experience ever making me a 22 year old bitter miserable person who basically hates everything.

If AS didn't exist I wouldn't be like this and I could be a happy NT, but I don't get that luxury.



Why fear death? its a great thing.



Why thank you.

All of the above - church too! One elder claimed that my behavior is due to being an addict (which is a lie), not knowing that I was standing behind her. When I asked her to clarify what she had said, she denied saying it ... When the others pointed out that she had, she claimed to have been talking about someone else ... When those same people also pointed out that she had referred to me by name, she said that she was justified in saying what she said because I acted so weird all of the time.

When I complained to the Session (the Council of Elders), they told me that because she was an elder in long-standing service to the church, and that I had been there only a few years, that I should just forgive her and forget about it. That is typical of what I'm referring to.

(Yes, I know ... I ended a sentence with a preposition, but I'm too upset about this whole "Shut up, Fnord! We're in charge here and she's our friend" garbage to do anything about it.)

I do not expect an apology from that elder; apologies are important, especially when you know that what you've done is wrong.

...


Does having stopped behaving like a jerk and apologized for it three days ago mean nothing?

where is that apology located - can you link to it? i seem to have missed it. i am sure that people would be open to forgiving you and wiping the slate clean, but it is important to actually hear (see) the apology.

Oh, for the luvva...

L I N K

Satisfied?

For that matter, what good is it to apologize if no one cares enough to notice?

you apologized for being a jerk to littlelily613 about a day before you were unpleasant to *me* in The Haven. so it isn't like you made a general apology and then actually changed your behaviour - you apologized to one specific user (while still criticising her, i might add) and then continued to act the same way with other people.

if you truly feel regretful or sorry, there are some good ways to show it - like apologising to all of the specific people who may have been hurt by you, or by posting a general apology thread. one post directed at one user is not an apology for your behaviour to all of the people you might have hurt.

(i'm not trying to say that you must/should do anything at all, but you said you had already done something)