scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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+4

I expect today to be fantastic.

+8

that girl!

+9 minus evil mouth ulcers.

An annoyed +3, my cat won't quit trying to eat my hamburger

-6 ... was more like -9 this morning ... but improving...

-10

I understand what and why you want what you want.
It doesn't make me feel better for what you did,
but it does remind me of the duality of normal and abnormal,
which makes me lack placing blame for what you wanted as I [socially and emotionally] hid.

I blame myself for seeing time as a lifelong thread,
talking to you more in my head than in thread,
but that's how I am, and I let it known with what I said.

I'm sorry for doing my best to protect what I now have left back then,
blaming myself falsely for things, 'I don't want this or that,'
though know that it was a product of the dedication I have,
which is something you said you'd always have for me.

You could have told me earlier, and I would have made it.
If you truly wished for it to work, we could have made it, just as we always did.
You forced yourself upon me, on the step, and no matter how overwhelmed I was,
I did it. You made an attachment forever.

How can I forgive?
Perhaps you think it'll be better for me to forget [you, us and the future I had],
but you know I don't forget,
no matter what was begot.

The sad thing is I'll always love you,
which means you've tortured and killed me forever.
You took yourself from me forever with what you did,
but I still feel and want the same with you forever.

A cruel joke if there ever was one.

I don't write this to make you feel bad, and you know that;
I write this because I have nothing left, illogically hoping it's just another night terror

I'll be going back to the mental hospital,
and I'll find no help there.
You promised me you'd rescue me from there,
but there is where you put me.

awwwww. so sweet!

3. A little empathetic. Trauamatic heartbreak doesn't feel so good, does it?

Which would be why I deserve it. Knowing that I do is probably the only comfort possible; guilt needs to be punished.

Anyway, thanks.

-10

Over the past 12 months I've met....3 GUYS with unresolved feelings for ex's in the USA. Now THAT is poetry! lol

She should be guilty just as much as you are. Despite the fact it was inevitably YOUR choice to do what she wanted, she pressured you into making it. She took everything else from you because she wanted to be the only thing you had left.

I still standby those harsh comments I said last year before my birthday though.

Ironic poetry it seems, and it appears you've been quite lucky there (sadly for you).

It's ok in regards to what you said. I'm ultimately sorry for how I was, and I don't want any forgiveness for that; my mistakes, and I was ultimately at fault.

-10

I wonder if the crying and inability to eat will go if the feeling of loss doesn't.

It does.
The feeling of loss stops feeling quite so sharp after a while, too.
It never stops hurting entirely, but it does let go enough for you to be able to focus on other things.

Oh, and eventually the love stops being tied to the pain so much.

It's Madam Justice's way of pointing and laughing at me, but at least it's given me a chance not to repeat past mistakes.

Ok. I'm glad you're being a man about it. Those once hurtful comments I made about you not caring for anyone (Rachel in particular) became the indisputable truth in my mind on the day you left.

Sorry for the letter and stuff too. I just thought it might have been beneficial for someone else other than, well, me and Rachel to know what was really going on. And you'd listen to your mother above "her" anyday wouldn't you? We would have liked to think so. I mean, Rachel couldn't say anything to you about it as her words got used against her every step of the way. I pretty much sent the letter for her as IMO she's been the only good person thoughout all of this and she didn't deserve to get treated that way. No revenge or or vindictiveness or anything like that (Actually I deliberately left allegations out of the letter altogether). And we suspected your mother might have been the next person she would try to alienate you from had she moved to australia.

Hey the lack of eating ain't so bad *struts around in the size 10 jeans she STILL fits into*

That's all ok too, and I'm sorry for it all.

You don't have to worry about me hurting anyone, like I did.

-10

Find other things to focus on and cry when you feel like crying, laugh when you feel like laughing, scream when you feel like screaming and look to the future because there are bright horizons even if the road looks dark ahead.

Oh, and talk to people about it...I feel this has also been amazing medicine.

+4