Rants

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You know, I have a full time job, medical benefits, a car, good hobbies, things I love doing, but one obstacle holds me back from accomplishing anything I really want to in life, and that's being autistic. I'm 21.. I have a career and PLENTY of things I should be happy about. But I'm not. Not even slightly. WHY?! I blame it ALL on being autistic.

God, some days I'd prefer ball cancer to having autism.. f**k, take away my ability to breed, I don't even need it, just get rid of this stupid curse.

I find it difficult to express emotions. I find them difficult to identify and analyse, but I feel them. I think other people think that I'm not a person in the same way that they are because I don't show my feelings in a way they understand. I think I've hit upon why people seem to treat me differently to others. They don't do it an obvious, or even conscious way, but over 25.5 years, my experience of being treated this way has had a big impact on my psychological development.

I think this issue is one of the reasons I need counselling/therapy as well as the medication I take - so I can get a better handle on my emotions and find ways to express them. However, I will need to wait maybe another 6 months for therapy.

how does this happen again and again. what do i do wrong

Now I wanna know what it would have been like to have a downstairs mixer that wasn't cut!! !! !

lol 'mixer'. where did this come from

maybe i should take off the lol to make it seem more ranty to the common man

Crap, parents may hinder me from going to college after all.

They want me to text/call them every day!?!?!?!

a quick text wouldnt be so bad?

Meh, I don't remember that easily, plus I don't want my text history to be from then I want it from friends and such.

Plus I don't need another daily habit. I SUCK at habits that I don't want to do (hair, contacts, prayers, scriptures, teeth, shower, etc) I forget. Hmmmmm I could maybe call them late at night and they wouldn't want me to. I feel evil.

Idk "mixer" is just a nice euphemism there

I hate 99.9% of teenagers with a passion. Most of them just seem to be immature, over-dramatic, shallow pains in the ass. Do they get any better in college. I hate having to drag myself to high school every day and deal with this cess pool of idiots.

My sister is the most superficial little 15 year old b**** that ever existed. She is always moody and she doesn't respect anything else besides her own opinions. If something doesn't go her way, she throws a hissy fit.

I dont get it. You start of by cheerfully ridiculing me, pretty much ruining my day. Yet for sake of being a friend i put up with it. I say something cause i care and you throw me off. really? Like if what i said was so horribly wrong, ohh wait it wasnt. It was cause i care about your well being.

people kept looking at me funny today and i don't know why. someone i work with and one stranger in the space of about half an hour. i feel disgusting. i wish i never had to go outside. i wish i wasn't such bad company and i wish i didn't look so freakin weird. and i wish i wasn't so pathetically useless at being normal. and why do i have to blush. not even when i'm embarrassed, just anytime everyone's attention is shifted unexpectedly to me. even if 'everyone' is like 2 people. makes me look like a ret*d. ugh. i hate me

this started as an unhappy but i'm moving it to the rant thread

which means i can add that i also hate wp sometimes and if i thought i wouldn't be recognised i would sign up under a new name. screw you

I was about to post a rant here but a seriously immensely sick track started playing on my ipod right now, so I'm leaving it.

I got a rude awakening: people were working on my house this morning (loudly; I mean, they can't do it any quieter, but still...), I wasn't told, I have new sleeping medicine (so I was in deep sleep), my dog freaked out and barked for half an hour (which is what woke me up, primarily), my parents wouldn't answer their phones... Melted down.
I took a 5-hour-long nap and was better, but that wasn't a good start to my day. Now I'm fine, but meltdowns are tiring.

Romeo and Juliet make no sense, even when there are smart people from the modern day explaining some of the weird words they use. I'm glad they die at the end. This homework makes me want to melt down. It's like that one time in French class when they were doing a test and I couldn't understand what the teacher was saying and therefor didn't know what question we were on or if it was over already.

my uncle calls to chew me out for not being in his office at 9am. my understanding of it was that i was not to come in at 9 because that is what i was told. come in after the cleaner is gone he said. he gave me this stupid lecture on how i had ruined the day for myself and how it was my fault and how when i am employed i should stick to the times i was supposed to come in. actual employers actually give you some notice of schedule changes typically. then he gave me a lecture on how i should have come in on thursday even though that is not my set time and also this is not a job. i go to his place to clean, cook, run errands and reach stuff that is up high. he should be grateful i am there at all. i didnt want to be there. the only reason i am is because my dad forced me and he landed himself in a wheel chair. and how much am i being paid exactly? he also went on about how i wanted to go out with my friends more than i wanted to work for him. it's like yes i want to go out with them- i see them once or twice a week, my life doesnt revolve around you and i will not blow them off just because you need someone to scan or fax crap for you. hanging with them makes me happy and without that id be as depressed as before i met them. hanging with him all day benifits me in no way at all. if he wanted me to be there he should maybe tell me when he wants me there instead of blaming me for not reading his mind. this is why i dont like working for family. that and the fact that yeah maybe i should stop ranting because why else is fodder for a whole other rant.