I don't like this anymore. I just want to escape

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I don't like this anymore. I just want to escape

Sorry to hear about your situation. What I always think in terms of is if there is any possible way to get back to everything that holds the spirit of love and joy of life for you in it. It's not too late for you to do exactly what you want to do. If you are good at art you could start by maybe posting photos of your work online (you could always either a) only post a sample or b) put some kind of watermark on it so that people know it's yours and it can't float off on the internet without you getting credit. Anyway you could ask on an art forum, or in the art subforum on here, what are some ways other people know of getting their work more "seen." There are a lot of things you can do basically from the internet. One thing I've seen a lot of is people selling personalized pet portraits on craigslist and things like that. Basically you send them a photo of your pet and they paint it. But obviously that's just one style of art and there are more ways to make money online with art than that, just an idea.

Your family sounds like they are not allowing you to feel better. The guy you lived with doesn't sound like it either if you couldn't have panic attacks in the house and since you found him creepy. Maybe you could spend a few days looking into art avenues online, starting with on this subforum (if you're like me you get directions and don't follow through with a lot of them because it's just too much stress that can't be taken, but starting on this site might be easy.) Asking what's what.

If you have no money and no where to go, you may have to reach out to the system for some help if you want to leave your family soon, otherwise you can try to earn and save up money, then leave later. You can get just enough social help to get out of the situation, then continue to support yourself. If you have trouble working, try and get diagnosed so you can get on disability (if that exists wherever you live). Even if you have no access to insurance that will pay for AS testing, you may be able to get some help at a free clinic. You don't have to take any medication anyone may prescribe for you.

It's possible to make a little money from art but it will be difficult. I wouldn't plan on making a living with it. I don't know what your specialty is, but try to be good at as many different types of art as possible. There are people who work online as graphic designers doing logos (on www.odesk.com for example). You will need to have a portfolio of art to prove your skills. You may also consider taking a few classes and developing some drafting skills.

No one will save you. You may be able to get out of traditional jobs by trading labor for food and shelter (as a farmhand, for example), but no one will ever give you much of anything. Never forget that. Before you get out on your own, you should make sure you have a healthy distrust for people, even more than other people do, since you have little experience living independently, and being homeless will make you even more vulnerable. In fact, you may want to postpone or even forget about the homeless thing if your common sense is poor, because common sense is a very important prerequisite. It's a hard life in the sense that it takes more effort to get simple things like bathing, eating, and sleeping done, and that can tire you out. You also need to be alert and aware at times, so you can't always space out and daydream. If you really and truly want to give it a try, maybe start in steps. Do you have older friends or relatives you can discuss this with? If not, just seeing a counselor once or twice to discuss you life plans and your difficulties carrying it out could be very beneficial to you. The counselor could provide some ideas about what your next steps should be with insight into your mental state that those of us reading your post do not have. You can gradually increase you independence, maybe even stay in a small place on your family's land, get job skills/figure out ways to make money, save up for a vehicle, read up on living homeless (there are some cool blogs created by people who live that way), then give it a try.

Thank you.