Feeling Very Dumb in My Job

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I work for a college placement agency that I feel is one of the best in the U.S. We're expanding (partly thanks to my work), and I feel glad about that. But being around so many educated people makes me feel inadequate. You see, because we are one of the best out there, we place clients consistently in top 50 schools. Today, I had to look through a file of a premed student who went to Northwestern, and got a 2200 on her SATs. Such placements are not uncommon.

Seeing such brilliance fills me with regret. I was an okay student, but in high school I focused on the subjects that interested me, being English and History. I wasn't great at math and sciences, so I didn't try as hard there. I ended up going to a great national university in Maryland, where my preferences remained the same. Hence, I ended up getting a liberal arts education.

I am obviously doing just fine financially, and I should be thankful I have a job. I guess two things disturb me. The first is that the level of academic success, while okay, was not the best. My family never really pushed me, unlike many of our clients. It's a huge stereotype, but many of our clients who are from Asian cultures have parents who push them to succeed in school. I sometimes wish I was Asian (I'm Italian-American).

The second is that many of our clients, and my coworkers, are driven, forceful people with lots of competitive energy. I am not one of those. I work very hard at what I do, but I often don't want to create discord where there was harmony. I notice the most successful people academically in America are often very forceful personalities.

Again, I shouldn't complain to loudly because I have a job, and these grievances I mentioned do not get in the way of my job. But I feel very lonely because I know I am not like the people I work for. And for the first time in my life, I feel truly dumb. I feel dumb academically, and dumb in the sense that I didn't plan my life as I should have.

It's okay not to pity me. I just needed to vent.

Forceful is just one type of personality. Just keep in mind, if everyone was forceful, we'd all be fighting each other.

People who can respect harmony and such are valuable people to have in society.

At least you're white. Yeah. I know this sounds bizarre, but some people do wish they were white and their life would be better.

Please don't feel bad; firstly, good grades don't always equate to intelligence. Even amongst the 'top', there is bitter competition and people who struggle despite appearances; grades are only a small part of being able to do your job, and often more a sign of hard work than some underlying genius (there are rare exceptions).

Trust me, if you are helpful and hard working (and it sounds like you are), nobody will care what grades you got or question your intelligence; they'll be so grateful you're not rude, or just sending them round in circles! Thewhitrbbit has a point too; too many forceful people would be a disaster (and I'm not sure why that personality type would be good for placements- would have thought diplomacy would go down better!)

You aren't dumb, you just chose to go your own way, and do what was best for you. Not everyone is cut out to be a wiz at life, but at least you are doing well enough to take care of yourself. Be happy at what you are good at doing and at what you like to do. That's more important than any artificial and arbitrary rankings.

Trying to achieve goals I was unable to attain never made me happy. I am doing better emotion wise, just being myself.

Good luck with the job!