What the f**k am I supposed to even do...

Post Reply New Topic

I'm so f*****g stressed, I failing out of college because I've been in an extreme cycling between manic and depressed lately, my grandpa's ahlzheimers is getting much worse, my grandma just got diagnosed with cancer today, I can't get a job, my dad is getting more abusive and stressed out then he usually is (he's also bipolar and has PTSD) because he's trying to avoid to the media because of something big and bad that happened at his work that he got a shedload of people fire for and the media is making him out to be some kind of hero and wants to interview and he doesn't like being in the spotlight so he's taking it out on me like always, and like the college thing is freaking me out because I can't fail out of college because then I'll be a waste of life because if you don't go to college you are a piece of s**t and I can't get a job so I have no income and I refuse to get any kind of federal aid because I don't want to be a thieving sack of s**t and not only is my grandpa's ahlzheimers getting worse but he's also just being incredibly mean and hurtful as well without realizing it and my mom and grandma are just telling me to ignore but I can't just ignore it because while he's not meaning to the words that are coming out of his mouth are the kinds of things that are made to hurt you the worst and now my grandmother who has always been my voice of reason has cancer and I just don't know how to handle all this f*****g s**t and am melting the f**k down... What do I do... I can't go to a hospital because those always just make everything worse and I can't call any kind of hotline so don't suggest that because all those things to is automatically call the cops on you if you call and my therapist retired last month so I don't have a therapist anymore and I'm afraid to go in search of another and I'm jus completely f****d...

This is also all made even worse because I want to come out publicly as bisexual and possibly gender-queer but I can't because of my parents because they would make my grandparents kick me out and stop paying for my college... I also haven't had sex in almost 6 months now which is probably adding to the stress as well...

I'm very sorry for your situation. Let's try to address this in order:


Your school has two departments that you need to speak with. A psychological counseling services department, and a department of student affairs where your academic counselor is based out of. You need to speak to a counselor at the psychological services department and tell them of your problems and that you feel you need to take a medical leave. Ask how you go about this. After you speak to them, speak to your academic counselor and tell them essentially the same thing. Also ask how to receive incomplete's in your courses. Be very clear that this leave is needed due to a medical issue.


I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather, but you have to accept that there is unfortunately nothing you can do about this, and that his behavior is the natural progression of the disease. While he might become upset and irate on occasion, I don't think he's actually suffering much because he likely cannot retain the memory of his emotional state for very long. You might want to look into a support group for family members who are dealing with people with ahlzheimers.


It's ok to be concerned with those that you care for, and it's ok to be available for moral support, however you need to accept the fact that these problems are beyond your control and no matter how much or how little you worry about them, the outcome will be much the same. You are at an important point in your life at the moment and you need to dedicate most of your emotional resources to yourself, and refrain from taking on emotional loads you can't handle or do anything about.


There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking financial aid. Grants are offered to students as an investment. The reasoning is, the grants will enable students to someday become productive members of society and pay back the grants through taxes. Other forms of financial aid include work study and low interest loans, the former, which you earn through work, and the latter, which you must pay back.


While I believe going to college is generally a wise decision. You must also be careful not to put too much faith in it, in the sense that the only right way in life to become successful, is the way that is legal, and works. College will give you the opportunity to apply for jobs which require certain degrees. It can also give you the opportunity to obtain certain work experience and career oriented resources through student research, internships, and networking opportunities. It is not in any way though a guarantee of success. Likewise, individuals who have never gone to college can become quite successful with the right skills.

It's usually not urgent for parents to know these things anyway.