Coming Out

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I'm bisexual, but only some people know. I have been reluctant to tell as some people view it negatively, and partly due to their up-bringing, etc.

Well, I lived with someone for four years in undergraduate, and I never told her, which is probably unfair to her. I didn't because of the comments she and another roommate would say.

I know sooo many models names, especially victoria's secret model's names, and they would say I'm creepy because of it. Okay, yeah they meant it more of a joke, but at the same time the way they said it I feel like they really meant it. Another thing, one of my roommates talked about someone she knew living with a lesbian and how awkward that must be. I seriously was screaming in my head when she told me that because little did she know, she was living with someone who is attracted to women. That same girl joked around and told me she was sending me to "dyckesville", which really is a city near us. She said it after I probably did something that made her thing I was gay.

A few days ago, with the comments playing over and over in my mind for years, I decided it was time to end our friendship. I messaged the roommate I lived with for four years and I told her my sexual orientation. I also brought up the comments they made and how hurtful they still are. I also said I know the hate is out there, but it's hard to be friends with them.

Am I in the right? I lived with her and was her very good friend for four years. Trust me, there were other things that did not resonate well, like her always telling me I'm crazy (i do suffer from ptsd due to rape and physical abuse). I did kind of joke along with the "crazy" label as I do feel a bit crazy, even in a sillier way.

How do you deal with these names, even when they're supposed to be more of a joke? What would you do if you felt like your close friends don't like your identity (being bisexual, in this case)? Am I in the right?

It's possible that she didn't know she was offending you and she thought it was just some good natured ribbing. Perhaps you should just sit down and talk with her rather than cut her out completely and abruptly.

If she is really your friend she should be able to look past her prejudices.

@Ria1989, if you dropped all of that onto your friend without previously mentioning that you found her remarks hurtful, this may have been a little abrupt.

On the other hand, if you felt there was no way to raise the subject because of circumstances, then this is possibly one of the better possibilities, out of a set of naught but bad ones.

yeah, I feel like there isn't a right choice as I'll be unhappy with either one I make. I have looked at a lot of options and I decided I can't change her. No matter how mad I get at her, she will always view me the way she wants to, and it bothers me because I don't think she respects me enough.

Sweet Pea hugs

I wonder if your friend suspected anyway if she was wanting to send you to "dykesville". At the end of the day, you feel like your friend was not respecting you .. always poking fun at ya. Part of the reason is because you've allowed her to. You don't have to turn an insult into a joke, especially if it's happening often. And, if it bothered you that much, you needed to be straight forward with her. If anything else, use this as a learning lesson with your other friends. You don't need to be insulted.