I am scared to leave my room.

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Every time I decide to leave my room nothing good comes from it, I always seem to screw everything up. Right now I am in tears because of an argument me and my family got into over who was going to dismantle the couch. There was a lot of screaming and I feel terrified, I don't know what to do. All my sister and I were doing was watching a movie she got that she wanted me to see, the internet was being annoying so I decided to watch with her, my father went outside to remove sand from his truck to put the couch in and when he came back inside he decided to yell at us before he came up the stairs he yelled how is the homework coming bud, I was too speechless to respond and after I didn't he called me useless and went to his room, my sister started crying I was very angry at first I walked in to the kitchen in anger and asked my mother what was wrong with him, I did it rudely which I shouldn't have and more yelling followed. I am currently hiding in my room scared out of my mind to leave. I don't know what to do, I don't feel like I ever want to leave my room again. I have felt useless after graduating high school even though I am furthering my education online. I feel sick just going out front to help shovel, and I am scared to leave the house and now hearing him say it just makes me feel worse. I have always told myself that I would never commit suicide because I have friends who have done so and I told myself I would never bring that upon my family. However after today and feeling the way I feel right now it might just be better if I just killed myself and get it over with. I don't have anyone else to turn to for advise I don't have any friends I could stay with, and I don't know what other option I have at this point. I am truly terrified of my father at this point and I just feel like a burden to my mother, I have never felt more worthless in my entire life. I don't have a job because I feel sick whenever I leave the house, I always feel the urge to vomit and it just makes me feel worse. I don't know what else I can do I have been battling this depression on and off for the past year and I feel as though I am at my last lengths. I don't want to be a burden anymore and try as I might to get over the urge to vomit whenever I leave the house nothing seems to work and I just feel that I will burden my parents forever. If anyone knows a solution to my problem please tell me because nothing I try seems to work. As far as these suicidal thoughts go they will pass soon like my depression does, I am just worried that if I don't find a way to turn my life around soon that it might get the best of me.

You can call 911 if you are seriously suicidal. The emergency room will take you and they will check you in to the hospital for at least 24 hours and do an evaluation My sister has agoraphobia. It was several years that she wouldn't step out the door of her apartment. Now she does okay because she got meds for it. She still has a bit of anxiety going out but it's under control. You need to see a doctor about it. If your mom is more reasonable talk to her and see if she can help you get to the doctor. This is a real illness and feeling guilty and worthless about it is just going to make it worse. The family is not helping if they are putting you down. They are just making the disability worse.

I really hate seeing posts like this here because no one can help you from a computer. Everyone who writes posts like this has to be able to take that step to make an appointment with a doctor or go to the ER. I want to help, I know many people do, but we can't from our PC. You have to get to a doctor... tell them how you feel and the situation at home. There is help to get people independent so they can get out of bad home situations they can probably give you contact information for halfway houses, programs, shelters, grants, assisted housing, etc. The doctor might give you a prescription and can refer you to a psychiatrist. Be brave and take the first step. Try and fight through the anxiety about leaving the house for at least this one thing. It helps to take Benadryl when you are having an anxiety attack. Don't take tons just the usual dose. Only do this if you don't have medication already... just to help make it to the hospital or doctor appointment. I know this is difficult. When I had a severe depressive episode a few years ago it been at least a month of dealing with the craziness and crying and thoughts of suicide before I even got up the courage to tell my mom and she told me to go to the dr. I know it is not an easy step to take but you have to do it.

My mom is more reasonable to talk to and it isn't that I live in a bad home my mother has supported me in everything and without it I probably wouldn't be alive today I just feel to nervous to even leave my room at the moment, going to the ER or even a hospital sounds terrifying and I don't think I would be able to pay the bill I would get from it I mean going there might just make me feel worse, as far as talking to a doctor I see a therapist regularly so next time I see them or sooner if needed I will tell my doctor. As far as to why I made the post I guess it was just because I honestly have no friends I can talk to and I am too nervous to talk to my family at the moment. I am currently on medication for anxiety at the moment however for some reason I still get the nervousness when I leave the house so I might also need to talk to my doctor about changing prescriptions. Thank you for your response by the way it does help.