She does this sht on purpose

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When I started to draw my gf was hard pressed to let me get paper and charcoal. Now she complains about any sort of art supply I want (be it pencils, erasers, paper, you name it). I got a hard case to carry my stuff in (waterproof too) under the condition that it was part of my birthday present upcoming this may.
I also love photography but been limited to do such on my phone.
Well when I got seripus into drawing she would get mad if I spent 5$ on a notebook, she got a 12$ sketchbook. I ran out of pastels, she got HERSELF a set, claiming I would enjoy black and whites more anyways . . . okay whatever.
I love photography, yesterday she says I will get us a camera. I like to take pics and record too so we can get a camera for us to take pictures.
Here I am waiting for the other shoe to drop, she spends 130$ on a cam, we picked it together hey maybe she will actually LET me use it.
Today she gives me the “I know you like to draw more than take pictures (I like them to a generally equal degree and she KNOWS this) you can use it, but I really wanted to get it for me, because I love art and I don’t have the focus to draw . . bla bla bla.
I was like its ok I still get to pick some art stuff for my bday
She goes, “not much u already got the most expensive part

The case was $18. I want a set of inking pens and a few new erasers, at most and I know she is going to give me hell when I ask. I don’t work and I cant blame her but I have always wanted a good camera and she inflated my hopes and popped my bubble as soon as I took to air.
Sometimes I really hate her.

Rant over

Sounds to me like she buys you stuff with her own money and you sometimes "hate her" because she doesn't buy you enough things. Why should she be expected to provide you with expensive art supplies?

That sounds seriously unfair... but I have been in the same situation. When I met my ex, I had always - and I mean always lived and breathed art. I loved painting when I met him. When we moved in together, suddenly it was too expensive to buy canvas and paints and brushes... but I always used the cheap acrylics and board canvases.. so I could have my desires met and not spend too much.

He kept at me until I quit painting. To this day, I have not been able to paint since. It is like I lost my ability when I forced myself to quit. I feel like a chunk of me has been torn out.

She has ZERO rights to tell you what you can and can not buy. If your income is joint: ie, deposited to the same account - she can't buy her stuff and then tell you that you can't. You have as much right to get what you NEED (not WANT) to full fill your special interests. Go buy yourself a camera - if she objects, then point out if she wasn't so selfish and shared the one you picked out TOGETHER, you wouldn't have had to go buy a separate one. If money is tight - she had no right to buy the one and keep it for only herself. If she can find the money to spare for herself then she can find the money for you to take care of yourself too. Things cut BOTH WAYS. When there is an up - there is always a down. Vice versa. So she has ZERO excuse for her selfish attitudes. What is good for the goose IS good for the gander! You get my point I am sure.

If you have your own money - ie: separate bank accounts... she can't tell you how much and what you spend your money on. She can SUGGEST things to you and you can take that on board - or you can REJECT what she tells you and know in your heart you are taking CARE OF YOURSELF and your NEEDS. Again - if money is tight.. the next time she asks you for a soda... tell her sorry - you are saving that money to put towards your pastels you wanted. A soda a day taken away has your pastels in about 12 days.. not bad!

Or - if she is the bread winner in your relationship and you are relying on her generosity... point out to her that you being able to get your special needs keeps you happier and more pleasurable to be around. Hence you will offer to do dishes more.. bring her stuff and do it happily (at least that is how it works for me)... Generosity begets generosity.. even when they come in different forms.

Please stand up for yourself... It took me too long and way too many years to do that (and still am learning to!). My boyfriend of four years taught me this.. He told me to stand up for myself and my needs... even if it is against his wishes... because it is my HUMAN RIGHT.

You know what? He is so exactly right about that. Please get what you need.

Happy Birthday!

**edited for typos and to add an added thought

Last edited by Valkyrie2012 on 01 Apr 2013, 2:14 pm, edited 2 times in total.

You have to find a way to make your own money. It sucks to be in a position to have to ask for things.

just because someone is a "girlfriend" it does not mean they have to share their money with you.

Money is a sad thing to argue about.

Are the two of you just dating, or do you live together and share the household responsibilities? In the former case, it's up to her what she does with her money. But in the latter case, you have a point... both of you should do what you can to meet both of your needs, unless the two of you had a different arrangement.

We live together and what's household expenses I have fooddstamps for our food and babysit. She goes to school her husband works.

As for costly art supplies I never ask for anything over ten dollars. When I had income and she didn't i still shopped the same. I gave her the money and she managed it. She got new computers an Xbox a DS extra with my money I'd ask for for minimal amenities. We both play eq2 we would pool for an expansion and she would get limited edition get me the standard and say " you prob would not like the extra stuff". We go to the bookshop she spends $4 on a drink I... u know what nvm. Y'all can lock the thread.

So she's married to another guy but she's dating you?

I don't have any idea how you got yourself into this situation, but if you really need things that she won't buy for you, you should probably start working, even something small that makes ends meet will do. But if she ever asks you for anything (money wise) just treat her the same way she treats you. (If she starts sharing with you, then share with her too, but if she doesn't, then don't share your stuff with her either).

I would like to know more about your living situation though.

There's more to this situation than art supplies.

She is married but not for romantic reasons. He was a close.friend who wanted to vet outvoted California after he got out of prison and marriage could help him get his parole transfered.

The main source of my discontent is that she acts this way regardless of the source of the money. I got 8k of inheritance and she blew it. I am guilty of letting her though. We got computers and an RV but I let her pick the thing I don't s**t about cars and it had serious issues. At the same time I had a series of small strokes and a nerveous breakdown and my autistic traits got more.pronounced which I blame on the strokes. So I kind of.let everything go. I don't work because I can't according.to.several doctors.but my state is real harsh on disability and I got denied for SSI because a "job expert" told the judge I might be able to maybe get a job doing housekeeping even though my asthma is terrible around cleaners. Not.to mention I'm borderline legally blind.

So yeah I have a hard.time working. Not to mention that when we.first met I was.the.one who supported us. I was.a.waitress in a Mexican restaurant and my tips pretty much got.us through till we.both got.daycare Jobs s which I lost.mine.because.I had to attend a health seminar and I.got so overloaded. I had a meltdown and got.fired.

I don't think asking for paper and pencils once every few.months or a.cup of tea should get her irritated. I mean two weeks ago she spent $200 on an old IBM she used.all of twice. Buuut gods forbid I want a $2 eraser.