I almost died from suicide, not sure how to cope

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Seroquel is an anti-psychotic/neuroleptic drug. That one clearly didn't work for her, at least. While I am glad that you have stopped with Seroquel, your list of current drugs makes me feel very anxious. Also, ECT is known to cause brain damage and sometimes severe, permanent memory loss. When the psychiatry suggested that to me, I got so mad at them for suggesting such a barbaric and dangerous "treatment" that I refused to see them, anymore. They then of course tried to put me in a psych ward, instead, but failed to do so. I have absolutely no trust in the psychiatry, anymore. Generally, all they are interested in is getting a paycheck... it's their job, nothing else. If you do as they say, they may act kind to you, but if you do not... you will have to face the consequences. The only reason I later kept meeting other "therapists", myself, was to make it look good, and keep them at bay. :/ Anyway, I am talking about myself, now, but I thought I should share my experiences... because, I am very concerned with your large drug list, Mmuffinn. :/ And also, benzodiazepines are known to be very addictive, as doofy said, and lead to all sorts of psychological problems, when you get used to frequently taking them; especially anxiety. Those who have cut down on benzos, after taking them for too long (which may just mean weeks), have witnessed the horrid effects that they do to you, because your body no longer gets it... nightmarish anxiety tends to be at the top of the list. I don't mean to scare you, but.... I have to say I am very concerned. I don't think they have your best interest in mind, by giving all those drugs to you.... they usually don't, after all. :/ "Follow the money" is a good saying, and... well, there is *a lot* of money in the psychiatry business. -_-




I should've stated that that post was both for Mmuffinn and you, by the way... and also for anyone else who feels depressed and worry about the afterlife. I had taken a lot of alcohol, when I wrote it, so I forgot to say that. I suppose it turned out pretty well-written, otherwise, though.... -.-

No prob. I would have been into the alcohol myself if I actually had what I drink at my place instead of leaving it at a friends house.

I almost did myself in Tuesday night because I didn't have access to any coping mechanism, which is usually a friend or alcohol. By today, I reallize, i have sh***y coping mechanisms in place and need to do better. My depression came on me suddenly and I just wasn't prepared to take care of it. What saved me though, was as I was writing out my note, I made two puns in a row, broke out laughing at how pathetic I felt, and realized I needed to get through it because eventually like all the times before, it would go away even if it seemingly took forever. I still feel depressed today, but my anxiety has turned itself off and the depression is lessening. Also a lot of anger has built up that I need to divest myself of. I think the anger was driving the depression. I

I realize now that I have really bad coping mechanisms for my depression. I was relying on a chemical that I didn't have in stock, and friends who couldn't be made to be there and have their own problems and lives to deal with.

Mmuffin, I agree with what BP said. Watch out with healthcare. Although they offer a service which is supposed to have your best interest as the primary goal. The workers/professionals are human and have their own goals in place for what they think is best. Sometimes all you have is you to watch out for you.

Maybe it was not your time. I know I sound all mystical and all that, but listen. Maybe there are things you need to do. Try and get a few things done at least. Try and give life a true shot and try and take a long hard look at life. Medicines don't tend to help (try gluathione though, that sometimes help). So please, try and take this chance to live live to it's fullest.

edit - wrong post

I've been on nearly the same dose of clonazepam for over 6 years, sometimes coming off it entirely. I haven't had any issues discontinuing it. Also, I take the lorazepam very sparingly. As for the ECT, it didn't seem to cause any lasting issues for me. I had a poor short term memory during treatment, but it all came back after I stopped the treatments. The ECT wasn't particularly uncomfortable to have done either, no pain or anything. I decided to agree to the ECT because I had tried every SSRI and atypical antidepressant already, and had tried 2 tricyclic antidepressants already. I have also tried everything from lithium to lamictal, zyprexa to saphris.
My current psychiatrist DOES have my best interest in mind, he even has a list of every med combination I have tried pinned up on the wall of his office, with notes he's made since I gave him the list. He really does want to help me feel better. I have just been depressed for so long, trying nearly every med and even trying natural remedies with diet changes and exercise without meds. Nothing has helped very much. I've had some luck with prozac, but it crapped out after about 3 years on it. It seems that I might be having a little luck with this cocktail I'm on since increasing the dose of the nortriptyline. I have been having far fewer suicidal impulses and panic attacks. It does make me sleep more than I would without meds, but it's a fair trade-off.
I guess I am willing to put all these meds into my body because I have to in order to stay alive. It's the same with my willingness to try ECT. I guess I'm desperate to find something that works. In my case depression is a life threatening illness, I'm willing to try ANYTHING to help prolong my life. Without treatment at this point I would certainly die.
So, I do appreciate the concern, but it is not necessary. I've become somewhat of an expert on the meds and other treatments used to treat depression. I weigh the pros and cons of each treatment before agreeing to it. I view it like treating a disease like cancer, chemo has a ton of terrible side effects but it is necessary in that situation to save a life. I'm just trying to save my life by any means necessary. My parents need me to be alive, I have to try my best to fulfil that need.