I Fit In Too Well

Post Reply New Topic

I keep going back to the fact that you are a counselor and pretending to be emphatic. I read the whole post. But that really perturbed me.

I didn't catch that the OP was pretending empathy. Pretending in order to fit in, yes. Thinking through how and what to communicate, yes. Counselors do things all the time to make clients perceive them as understanding and knowledgeable and to direct them in a particular way. Including not arguing when they disagree. It's manipulative, or it's a learned technque to support and push in a healthy direction, depending on your point of view. I've heard a lot worse.

I think that it is awesome that you pursued counseling as a career. I pursued social work and I have heard that quite a lot of women on the spectrum pursue careers as psychologists, doctors, nurses and other helping professions. I am considering pursuing studies in psychology at some point. I can say that I have faked things quite well too. In fact, when I discovered that I might have Asperger's my external supervisor (a psychologist) was very skeptical when I shared this information with her.

By a lack of empathy do you mean that you do not feel 'sorry' for people? I do not feel sorry for people, but that doesn't mean I lack compassion for people. There are different forms of empathy, so I am wondering if you're referring to 'cognitive' empathy (putting yourself in another persons shoes). Attending skills can be learned and yes it is an act (even when it becomes 'unconscious'). Sometimes even professionals/therapists who are NT have to 'fake' it for the benefit of their clients. And sometimes they experience compassion fatigue/vicarious trauma and become incapable of helping those they work with.

It's okay if you still feel terrified to say that you have ASD to others - the knowledge/awareness is, first and foremost, for your benefit. Take whatever time you need!

Last edited by Sare on 30 Dec 2013, 4:37 am, edited 3 times in total.

double-post.

As much as I like to keep things real with my slurred speech, I'm able to fake it too. Once I have better control, I'll be able to get into IT and do just fine. Soon feeling the need to have multiple adaptive personalities might end and I'll be able to embrace who I am.

Just another reason for me to not like counselors. I would dislike my first counselor even more if I found out her facial expressions were faked. But hey I get that it's the real world and counselors are, unfortunately, real humans.

For those that might be interested. The below link opens up
an interview with me and a quaker journalist which includes
at the end talking about having autism and being a counsellor.

Wishing everyone well on this first day of the new year.

With love.

Q


http://www.nayler.org/podcast-07/

I was totally incapacitated by my last job, all the therapeutic interaction, so I can relate to your post. I found a lot of ways to work around having AS. My clients liked me. I used the client-centered approach advocated by Carl Rogers. I love him! I also know my stuff when it comes to figuring out people's problems. That is my gift, perhaps analytical thinking from Asperger's. I bet most people would say I was really good at my job as a counselor. I worked damn hard at it. I don't think I got the body language down right but my verbal responses were good. I tried to be genuine as well so that makes it easier. Being a counselor does not disqualify you from having AS. I have been diagnosed by a qualified psychologist as having AS.

I have never felt so strong a resemblance to a post.

I started acting at a very young age. I'm extremely conscious of my facial expressions and body movements. I'm constantly going through a script in my head. The result is that I can sell bubble gum in a lock jaw ward, I excel at customer service and front desk type positions and... no one ever EVER believes me when I tell them that I am a mess of a person who has a world of trouble socializing.

Once I'm outside of my script set I just fall apart at the seams.

I don't know really where I'm going with this... but I had to let you know you're not alone as others have already. It is possible to fit in too well. I've even had people tell me that claiming any sort of spectrum association is just me being dramatic and crying out for attention.

It can be really upsetting.

Wow, I relate with this. I stopped posting here for a short time after I started this thread because I enjoyed the connection with nice people here so much that I got terrified that step 4 would come along and destroy the connection.

I also want to brag a little: I told my therapist tonight that I think I'm on the spectrum!

How did your therapist react?

Really neutrally. He also said he doesn't know much about ASDs.

Hi.

Whoa, I relate to this, too.

Congrats on admitting it to your therapist. I wish he will read-up on ASD, and help you out!!

Great for you being able to find out and work through the experience of realizing that you may be on the spectrum. I wish I was better at "faking" emotions and I am so uncomfortable socially and recently had my self-esteem knocked down quite a bit by a less than kind supervisor. A lot of things and roles in life are about faking it or acting such as teachers who must often get stern or serious in order to discipline students or military drill instructors who must put on a "tough guy persona", etc. If I get the nerve I want to take acting class, but it would never solve all my problems.

Thank you very much!