Wedding Woes

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My mother is getting re-married in two days. I will be flying to New York to attend this wedding tomorrow. I don't want to go, but I'm going because my sister is.

I am very nervous and upset about this wedding. A month ago, my mother asked me if I could play the flute at her wedding. I didn't say yes or no, but my mother assumed that I could play three wedding songs at her wedding, because when I was 13 I had played along to the entire "Phantom of the Opera" cassette tape, so surely I could manage the Hawaiian Wedding Song? And yes, you can safely assume she is the "NT" parent at this point. She's a bit clueless about these things, and has no idea that playing along with music is just something an instrumentalist is going to pick up on and do at some point.

I haven't yet told her that I don't plan on playing at her wedding. I don't know how to say it, nor do I know what reaction I will get. But I know that I can't play, because I will just get nervous, I don't care to do it, and not to mention the whole cost factor. She hasn't offered to pay for the rental cost of the instrument (the hell if I'm going to bring my flute across another country!), nor does she seem to be aware of or even care that I have to dive into my college fund to finance this excursion (for my end).

I am very upset about this wedding, because I am forced to dip into what little money I have to support myself and pay for school. All this money I am spending is simply money that could have bought another school course! This stupid New York wedding. My mother has never contributed towards my higher education either, which makes this whole thing sting even more. But she helped pay for my brother's college and more, her favourite offspring. Bratty bro called mother a "C-word", so he won't be able to join us all. Lucky son of a...

And to top it all off, my grandmother and mother are both constantly bothering me about how I look. I think I am good looking, but apparently I need to coat my body with fake skin-tanning chemicals ("Mystic Tan") and streak my hair with various colours, so that I look "presentable, at least".

I just hope I have fun in New York with my sister.

hmmm don't do the fake tan thing-just because they say so
you play the flute cool I've always wanted to play that (I love Jethro Tull)
I hope you have fun too...try to see the upside in everything

Aww that sucks Goomba. The whole thing sucks.

You should tell your mom as soon as possible that you won't be playing at her wedding- or streaking your hair, or getting a fake tan. Be firm; you have a solid right to say no to all those things. She needs to know about the music as soon as possible though, so she can adjust her plan.

Good luck!

goomba,

i agree, you need to stick to your guns about them messing with your appearance and wanting you to play the flute. all of the above will increase your stress levels unessarily. also, is there going to be somewhere private at hand that you can go have a moment alone should you need to?

i think that many people feel the same way about weddings as you do, just it is perhaps easier for NTs to keep a lid on this and pretend otherwise for the occassion.

the thing i DO like about weddings is that you get to meet characters from every part of the couples' life. you can get their old school and college friends to dish the dirt.

Goomba,
Just hang in there.
If the wedding is outdoors, I hope it rains in NYC.
If not and you're going anyway, think of what good can come out of your situation.

Again, hang in there.

My sister was supportive of me and figured I did not want to goto such a social event as
her wedding 16 years ago and I did not go.

So tell your mom your outraged you will be trading your plane ticket for a flight to Jamaica.

I remember how stupid I felt singing at my grandmothers funeral. The people who carried the casket were expected to sing at the cemetery.

TM1 will not be available for non-practical things anymore.

Well, I'm back. I didn't end up playing the flute at the wedding or anything. It was a small wedding, so it wasn't that bad. I got my hair streaked, and I think it looks awful, but hair grows... and I got a bit of a real tan now that the weather is much nicer, and I go hiking every week and all.

I enjoyed New York. It's a nice city and it felt pretty safe. There was lots to see and all, but I didn't get to see a lot of what I wanted to see. I wanted to go to some museums, but we didn't end up seeing very many of those. At least I got to go to that botanical garden in the Bronx, and see Les Mis. And I convinced everyone that we actually didn't have to go to Planet Hollywood for dinner! Woot! I hate that restaurant

I'd like to go back to New York sometime. I promised my sister that we would go back together, just her and I, in a few years time. She said she would like that

I'm glad things turned out as well as they did. I've never been to NYC but would love to go since there's so much wonderful stuff there. If only I ever have the money . . . .