Need some advice plz

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So I just moved back in to a transition school that I had to leave early last year because I was sick. I thought that it was the best thing for me to be able to become independent because I was living with mg parents but I don't know if I made the right call. I am and always have been extremely sensitive to how people ( staff) talk to me or view me. Currently I'm having trouble with a staff member who is giving me mixed signals and I can't tell if she's just stressed all the time or mad at me. The other day she snapped at me saying hugs are not allowed as if she was saying just for me. I don't go around hugging people I usually hate hugs unless I initiate it for one and two if it's someone I trust deeply. This made me very angry as because she said it quite nastily. I think not being able to read nonverbal ques makes me even more paranoid about having interactions with people I like. I don't like hanging out with people my age very much I pefer staff/ adults because there easier to talk to. But lately I don't even want to talk to staff, I never like asking for help but especially don't when they shrug me off. I am a high function AS so staff expect me to get things and I think they forget I'm very much like my peers in terms of not understanding social stuff I'm just good at flying under the radar and imitating so social rules. There is one staff I am try close to and I have horrible seperation anxiety when she's in campus. I have to know what hours she works etc otherwise I get extremely anxious kinda like a stalker but I don't stalk her. I think I have such bad seperation anxiety with her because she calms me down and makes me feel safe she also has a very calming aura ( purple- blue ( I have synthesia for seeing colors around people j call them auras as the color matches the feeling or vibe I get from the person when I'm with them, but that's another topic ) anyway that plays a role in it I think this however makes me have to be in a always current state of awareness because if I don't know where she is I feel panic sometimes to the point of tears. I was wondering if any one else suffers from anxiety like this and if anyone else is so sensitive to what people tell you ( for me authority figured because I had some abusive ones in my rtc) that they don't want to even talk to people you like because if fear of being pushed away ignored etc.. Wouldn't matter if I didn't care about them. I've been having a rough time with this and I don't know what to do. Thanks for reading this long rant

I?m very sensitive to what people tell me or think of me. A negative word or interaction can send me spiralling down to hopeless despair. I don?t have separation anxiety though just social. All I can comment on is people being stressed or being mad at you. The easiest way to find out is to ask them.

The positive to asking is if she is mad you?ll immediately know and can respond appropriately. If she?s really stressed then you can perhaps work out the negative way she treats you. I had a similar incident with an old lady at my work. She got mad at me and yelled and I was terrified not of physical harm she was a tiny old lady could have been my grandmother but it just destroys me when people get mad at me or I perceive it anyway I can?t deal with it. I don?t respond with anger I respond with fear, panic and utter terror. After a few hours she came over and apologized for what she said explaining that she wasn?t mad at me she was just stressed out. Thus I learned people could be stressed out rather than mad and I also learned people can apologize and be nice. It was really shocking to me I?d never realized that before so a bad incident ended up being a good one and I don?t know why but she?s always treated me really well ever since then. Perhaps due to body language she was able to understand how much it bothered me even though I never told her.

Anyway point is there is a possibility she was just stressed out and you can talk it out with her to result in better future interactions. If you can?t do it yourself you could enlist the aid of the staff member you?re really attached to to find out the truth. And let this other lady know how much her actions bothered you.

Per not talking to people I like for fear of being pushed away or ignored. Yes.

Sounds like you may need anxiety meds, and perhaps therapy as well. I don't give such advice often, as drugs can be dangerous, and I am one of those people not helped by therapy. Some people do well with it, though, and you sound like you might do well with the right therapist or psych doc.

I have always had issues about what people are saying about me. Sometimes it is only a matter of misperception on my part, but definitely not always. Most people are too busy with their own lives to even notice me, so in those cases it is misperception. In other cases I have actually overheard people talking about me, and sometimes giving me funny looks. Yes, I am different, but that's no excuse for saying hurtful things, or for the funny looks. Other times they will say stuff to someone else, and that other person will then bring it up with me, so I find out about it that way. Sometimes they even say stuff right to me, so yes, I have to deal with this stuff, too.

As for the staffer you have fixated on for comfort, you need to pull back from that a little, and widen your circle of "comfort providers", but you need to do that in a way that won't just continue the fixation habit with the new ones. I suggest developing "comfort" coping methods that don't involve an actual other human in the process. However, this may take a little time, so in the meantime you may benefit from anxiety meds, and will need to see a psychiatrist to get a prescription for that.

I still have misgivings about the meds, so I am also going to suggest some alternatives. Try peppermint or chamomile tea, they are very soothing. Also, buy some essential oils of peppermint and/or lavender, and put a few drops on your pillow at night to calm you, so you can sleep better. You can also put a few drops on a hankie or bandanna to carry around with you, and take a whiff when you are feeling anxious or stressed during the day. And do try to get plenty of rest. Tired people get more anxious and more stressed, more quickly than rested people.

I mentioned coping methods up above. Here are some suggestions on those:

- Read or watch funny stories or shows. Humor helps destress people.
- Exercise. That generates endorphins in our bodies, which are natural mood boosters.
- Eat healthy, and enough of it. When you starve yourself on a diet, it makes you more likely to be tired and cranky. When you eat enough, and more healthily, you feel better. You don't have to give up all the junky foods you like, but do look for healthy substitutes, where possible, and cut way down on fried foods. They are very bad for the digestion, and unhealthy in other ways, too.
- You sound like you are in school. If not, then consider taking courses, either in person, or online.
- Get involved in charity work. You will meet new people, and learn new things that way.
- If not working, get a full or part-time job. Again, you will meet new people, and learn new things, and also earn some money.
- Get involved in community affairs and/or local politics. Attend various town meetings--council, library, emergency services, etc. Maybe even join one of the boards or run for office.
- Take up a hobby.

These coping methods help by getting your mind off of whatever is bothering you, so it makes you less anxious, and less stressed. At least some of them also help improve health. You can pick which ever, and how many you try, and when to try them. I do know that they help, as I have been helped by some of them.

You don't need to be feeling so miserable, so start the ball rolling on getting some help.