Emotionally numb and confused.

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I've reached the point in my winter cycle of depression where I no longer feel emotions. I have no motivation to accomplish anything. I wouldn't even eat if it didn't make my stomach hurt. I'm just so confused, I have never been so happy and then so sad in a period of a few months. It probably didn't help that I fell in deep love for someone who wants nothing to do with me. You'd think I would get used to this because it happens every time I want to to connect with someone on a more personal, emotional scale. I'm losing the will to keep moving. In all honesty I'm even sure if I should bother even posting this.

I feel like my future is a long empty tunnel from which there is no escape. I turn around and look into the past and see the happy kid I once was, and wonder where he has gone, and why he is gone. I can't believe the best years of my life are slipping away and here I am, wasting away in front of my computer whining about it. Even more so, I feel that this is the only thing that can be done, for I am worthless and stupid.Each night I toss and turn in my bed, on the verge of tears when I should be out doing what other 19 year old guys do(whatever that is).

Nothing is worth pursuing, and nothing is permanently enjoyable. I feel like no matter what I do it is just a simple, mindless distraction to keep my gaze away from the inevitable cruel kiss of death.

You are essentially right, and the more you think of it, the more absurd it becomes, which is a good thing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Absurdism

That's literally a picture perfect description of what my life was last year during my freshman year of college and then again this year during the first half of my sophomore year. This second time nearly killed me. I know your pain all too well. Bitter hopelessness of one who's left alone. An endless tunnel in which you learn to fear any sign of light as that of an oncoming train. These last two months I've had a change of heart though.

Push love to the back of your mind for now. As much as you want too you cant force it to happen. If someone is really interested in you then they'll have the guts to meet you halfway. Find motivation within yourself. Tap into rage. Learn to be content alone. Hell adopt a non-harmful delusion about yourself if need be. Whatever it takes to stay alive.

I've personally got an entire arsenal of music that keeps me afloat for now. I dunno what your preferences are, but if you want some suggestions I can point you in the right direction.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FrOQC-zEog
I'm also in the budding stages of looking into Buddhism, other forms of meditation, a philosophical board game called Go, learning to play the guitar, and hiking mountains in Colorado. More ideas of meaningful things.

Don't give up. If you win the fight you live. If you lose you die. You can't win if you don't fight.

I feel like that too, every time I'm happy something just ruins it. I was so happy when I was younger.