I don't see a reason to keep living

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I just want to die. I lost everything and almost everyone. Why suffer if there's really nothing left for me. Don't bother replying with god talk I'm atheist. Why can't people let me die with dignity and not in a deportation jail or mental hospital that won't help me? Crying as I type this

Does this have to do with what you posted in PPR about being born in Russia and the feds wanting to send you back there? If so, have you looked into getting legal status somehow? I admittedly don't know anything about this, so all I can say is to look into ways that you can stay in the country legally.

That's part of the reason. I also lost many people I was close to, and the only thing that kills the pain is alcohol and drugs.

I was sober for a while with a false belief that my life will get better and my living hell will stop.

If there is still one reason for living, fight for it.

Sorry you're going through so much. Life can be absolutely brutal. Usually it gets better though. Even if only for brief moments. Like when you're doing something that interests you and takes your mind off the pain of your circumstances. Maybe if we survive long enough we'll find more purpose down the road.

No, don't please don't. I feel suicidal also, but somehow I'll make it through. I really hope my wife returns, I love her so very much regardless of everything else I've said. I love her, and she's gone. Don't take your life. This insane situation you're going through is just one part of your life. I've got to keep reminding myself that everything will pass, including emotions of depression. I just hope my wife returns, I love her. You though, stay alive, you'll get through your own ordeal somehow. Not everything is always clear, and that's the scary part, but somehow you'll make it through and wherever you live you'll live your life. Please don't kill yourself, keep living.

Well I'm still alive obviously. I'm sorry for the slow response, I tend to try to shove my bad feelings down because not only are they a burden to everyone else but it's too much for me to deal with sometimes. I try so hard to take my mind off my problems for at least a little while because they really do drive me crazy. I feel frustrated when it seems like there's nothing I can do about my situation at the moment, but I try to stay strong. I feel like a f**k up and like some of these problems really are my fault.

Then I get annoyed at people in real life for insisting I talk about things I really can't do anything about at the moment, when I tried everything, and then just want to take my mind off for at least one night because the problems will still be there for me to deal with in the morning after I get some time to rest.

Glad to see you are still with us on the mortal coil... I know how life can be. One moment you couldn't be happier, the next your girlfriend of five years dumps you, your dad attempts suicide by jumping out of a moving vehicle after having a drug related meltdown, and then all your pets die... All in the same damned week.

That pretty much broke me for a while. The thing that keeps me going is I know that it always can get better. Some days are better than others, like today I didn't even know why I got out of bed... Other days I go into work with a smile. You have to take life one step at a time, look at it one objective at a time, and get through those trenches in order to get to those moments that make living on this miserable cesspit of a planet completely worth it.

Yeah I guess that's what's keeping me alive, the hope that things will get better.

Well, my personal mantra goes something like; Hope for the very best - Expect the very worst. Its how I have to live.

And on the topic of talking about your problems... You're preaching to the chior. Talking about my personal issues with people only makes it worse. But they always gotta ask...

You think that life coudn't possibly get any better? You're wrong. Your mind plays tricks on you, it makes you believe that what you have will never go away and that your life can't get any better. That's wrong. Things can get better and they will get better. Sorrow doesn't last forever.

If you kill yourself then you are not giving yourself the chance to experience the good things later in life. And to look back at yourself and remember all the things you've been through and you managed to overcome them. Now that's a good feeling.

this is also what i believe and tend to follow. the very worst then doesn't really rend to happen, but when it occasionally does, or something worse then i'd expected i'm not caught by surprise...can cope. there are reasons to keep living if you ask me...as long as there's at least one i can see, i'll cling. i liked your profile picture/avatar, i thought it was an interesting choice of colors.

i also saw your post about being sent back to russia...has anything new happened regarding that? if you really do not want to go back...i think you'd do well looking for ways to stay here legally. get what you mean when you say some of your problems are your own fault, but hopefully that means you wont repeat those mistakes.

Nothing new has happened with the getting sent back to Russia thing. I did find out it's unlikely they'll send me back since I was only eight years old when I got to the U.S. and lived here for twenty years. That's over two thirds of my life. What I need to get documents is money I don't have. I have a phone appointment with Social Security in a few days to get SSI again since it got shut off when they found out I was in jail. They know I don't have IDs but when I went to my local office my jail release papers worked as proof of who I was and that I wasn't in jail anymore so that's good. I'm just hoping I get the SSI back. Even with that I don't know how I'll come up with the money to get all my documents replaced, I'm going to ask for help with that. Also luckily I have no felonies. I am happier that I got to hang out with an old friend I haven't seen in months that I had a falling out with. Thanks for the compliment, I'm just not sure if I want my face all over the internet, that's why I took the avatar down.